How I Feel After Coming Back From Bangalore To Howrah

The author writes about “How I Feel” after coming from Bangalore to Howrah after staying there for 1.5 years looking for a job.

I feel calm.

But I also feel like I am not living up to my potential.

When I was in Bangalore, I was applying to jobs and I was getting a few interviews as well. But here in West Bengal the job market is tricky and deceptive.

There are so many criteria and requirements that are not suited for a fresher.

So I am forced to apply for jobs in other states.

I’m also applying to competitive exams, but I am always having to choose between competitive exams vs private job search because my personality issues don’t allow me to do multi-tasking effectively.

So I find it difficult to navigate the job market.

Although I am in my comfort zone, I feel uncomfortable in Howrah. Not because I don’t like it here, but because the job opportunities are less here.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love my parents, I love my grandmother and my relatives but I don’t see a future here. There simply aren’t enough places to shine in as an entry level data analyst with no experience.

Maybe in the future when I have more years of experience, I’ll think about moving back to Howrah from wherever I get a job.

Till then my job search continues.

Apart from my career, I feel like I need to do more physical activities. But I feel like I need to lose more weight.

So yeah I feel uncomfortable after coming from Bangalore to Howrah. 

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Always Respect Your Father

The author writes how he didn’t always respect his father and that he must change that. He must respect his father.

I haven’t always respected my father. I have been rude to him and have judged him negatively most of my life.

But this has to stop.

He had a difficult life, and he works hard to provide for our family.

When I’m weak, he takes me to the hospital.

When I’m strong, he celebrates my victories.

When I’m alone, he talks to me.

When I’m with friends, he quietly observes me to keep me safe.

I only have one mother and one father. And however imperfect they may be, they are my own people.

They love me unconditionally, and I would be doing a heinous crime if I didn’t love them back.

He loves me a lot. Maybe he can’t express his feelings well, but he does it through his actions.

I also love him. He did so much for me.

My mother understood my feelings when she was near me. But he did great things for me from afar.

When my mother is exhausted, he helps our family as the powerhouse of energy.

I’m so proud of my him, and I won’t ever turn my back on him.

This blog post is dedicated to my father.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

This Adivasi Filmmaker Is Making A Real Difference, Read To Know More

The author writes about the screening of a film made by Adivasi Filmmaker Sneha Mundari and what he learnt from it.

On International Indigenous Day, which was yesterday, my sister and I went to Bangalore International Center to watch a film screening of “Through the Adivasi Gaze”.

It was a superb experience. 

In that film, I saw what I experienced in my own village back in Bankura, West Bengal: our (adivasis’) lifestyle, our way of thinking, similar rituals to ours, etc.

It felt like someone of our own had made the film. 

And so did she, Sneha Mundari, a filmmaker and visual anthropologist.

In the film, I watched the famous Munda martial arts and dance; I don’t recall what it’s called. But it was indeed fascinating.

I also got to watch many of the stories of the Munda community.

After the film screening, a discussion took place between Sneha Mundari and Nandini Tank on stage. (Nandini Tank is an assistant professor in the Department of English and Cultural Studies, Christ University.)

The discussion was enlightening even for me because I learnt about various other tribes, their cultures and histories.

One story from the discussion stuck with me. 

It was about how one community’s festival was slowly forgotten and how, through social media, they organized a kite-flying competition. 

And for the last 3-4 years, they have seen their festival being revived.

I also learnt that many Adivasi youth use social media to share their stories about their tribes, cultures, and backgrounds. 

After the discussion, the panel was open to questions. 

And I learned more about our Adivasi cultures and communities through their answers.

And it was a fun experience. 

After that, some of us went to a restaurant and talked more about how the Adivasi gaze works and so on with Sneha Mundari.

Sneha also said that how you place the camera is political. Whether you place the camera below or above, it matters.

Honestly, it was a good time.

So yeah, my sister and I had a great time at the film screening of “Through the Adivasi Gaze” and at dinner with Sneha Mundari. 

I would like to end this blog with a few lyrics from the famous Santhali song-

“Ol minatama,
Ror minatama,
Dhorom minatama, 
Aam ho minam”

It means: Your script(Ol) exists(minatama), your language(Ror) minatama(exists), your religion(Dhorom) exists(minatama), you(Aam) exist(minam).

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

I need to join a gym

The author writes about his experiences and future expectations of a gym. He also writes about the problems he faced at multiple gyms in the past.

Recently, I have been wondering if I should join a gym. 

I have been to multiple ones in my life. And those experiences weren’t particularly pleasant.

My first gym, which was near my house almost 10 years ago, had a coach who wasn’t really helpful. 

All he did was sit in his chair and gossip with other men.

Plus, he wasn’t inspiring me at all. 

Maybe I also felt a bit of discrimination because of me being an adivasi person.

My second gym experience was in college in Tollygunge. 

I went there for 2 days, and I gave up.

It was getting too difficult because I had to do cardio plus weight training.

Signing up for cardio was a good decision, but I guess I was too anxious to face the crowd there, or I was embarrassed that whenever I went there, I went with my mother because of my anxiety.

So I quit after the first 2 days.

And if I joined a gym now, this would be my 3rd attempt.

I think I shouldn’t give up. I should join one. 

Also, I’m going back to West Bengal in a few days, and I might join one there. 

So yeah, I hope I can join a gym soon.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Desires: Do What You Genuinely Want

The author writes how parents, society, and Instagram had imposed their desires on him, but he followed what he genuinely wanted in life.

I have desires-

  • I should read books on politics. 
  • I should go to the gym.
  • I should learn Taekwondo.
  • I should read novels.
  • I should cook every meal myself.
  • I should do stock trading.
  • I should start a business.
  • I should run every day.
  • I should write poems.
  • I should write songs.
  • I should become a DJ.
  • I should become a singer.
  • I should learn singing…

MY Desires

These are some of the desires that are amplified when I use Instagram.

I’m not saying these are wrong.

I’m just saying that these aren’t MY desires.

These are other people’s desires.

And if I do what other people want, I’ll stay unhappy all my life.

The problem is that it’s not something that is imposed on me by other people. 

I seem to compare myself with these people on Instagram who are doing these things. 

And my mind, like most people, also wants those things.

But it’s important to do what I genuinely want.

Not follow others.

I need to be aware when I am thinking some desire is mine, while it’s not.

On one hand, it’s not okay to follow desires that are not my own.

On the other hand, it can be okay sometimes to have desires that are good for me- like going to the gym. 

So yeah, in life we tend to follow others, but what we should strive to do is be our own leaders and not follow others.

Story Time

When I was in class 11, I was studying physics, chemistry, maths… But I wanted something else in life.

I wanted to start a business. I wanted to be creative. 

So in 2019 I decided to study philosophy. And then business administration. 

And now I have a Master of Business Administration(MBA) degree. 

If I had stuck to science subjects, which my parents and society wanted me to study, I wouldn’t feel happy.

I would feel stuck and depressed.

So yeah, do what you genuinely want, not what others expect of you.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Education: Show them by excelling in your studies, not money or power

The author writes how education, not money or power, is the only way to overcome oppression by the privileged castes.

Education is the only way.

Story Time

When I was in class 5 or 6, a classmate called me abusive names along with my race’s name “adivasi”. 

When I was in class 11, my class teacher said to our entire class that SC/ST people are taking away their seats.

When I was in college I was asked “what are you?” because I liked a girl from another religion.

Who Am I?

Well let me tell you what I am. 

I’m an Adivasi. I’m from the great community Santhal, who started the Santhal Rebellion(Santhal Hul) of 1855 against the British East India Company. I’m from the religion of Saridharam(which means “truth religion” in English).

And we owe our existence to great people like Dr. B. R. Ambedkar.

The funny thing is whenever I asked my mother why they called me “adivasi”, my mother proudly said “So what they called you “Adivasi”, tell them yes “I’m an Adivasi” proudly.”

She said there is no shame in being an Adivasi.

And she would quote Swami Vivekananda about how “the wheel of dharma is moving”.

And my mother even taught me that we can’t compete with the general caste people based on power or money. We can only compete and defeat them with education.

And I also believe that statement.

Even now no matter if I become a millionaire, I’m still an adivasi.

Even now if I become the prime minister or president of India, I’ll still be an adivasi.

My elder sister inspires me because she is proud of her identity.

I’m also proud of my identity but I need to work on it.

Babasaheb and Education

When Babasaheb was born and when he went for higher studies, there was no reservation for SC/ST candidates. He achieved excellence in education through sheer effort in spite of all the caste discrimination he faced in his life.

I have reservation because of Babasaheb. I owe it to his great soul to work hard and study and make something of myself through education.

So I would like to reply to my classmate who abused me when I was in class 5 or 6.

I would like to say to him,”This shows you have no manners. I am an Adivasi. And I am proud of that. I am from that Santhal community who sacrificed so much in 1855 in the Santhal Rebellion for this country India. And if you think you can make me feel inferior by using abusive words about my community, you’re wrong. I am proud of my community, my caste, my religion, my race and my humanity.”

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

I Don’t Have A Choice: Throwing The Garbage

The author writes how he doesn’t have a choice but to throw the garbage despite it being uncomfortable.

Throwing the garbage is a perpetual struggle for me. (Although I have no choice)

First I have to wake up early in the morning. Then I have to put the garbage in the garbage bags.

Then I have to throw them away.

I know it sounds simple but in reality it’s not.

First there’s the smell, then there’s the piling up of garbage bags.

Then there’s convincing myself to do the whole thing.

But I have no choice. I have to throw the garbage.

There’s no choice. 

So now I’ll go pack up the garbage in the garbage bags after writing this blog post.

And I’ll throw them away.

The struggle is really real.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

The Struggle: Feeling Sleepy And Still Writing

The author writes about how in spite of feeling sleepy, he is struggling to writing a blog post early morning.

I’m writing this as I feel sleepy. I woke up minutes ago and I started writing.

It is 06:55AM and I still feel sleepy. 

But I slept on time yesterday.

And as I remember about yesterday and think deeply about topics, I start becoming more awake.

But I feel sleepy.

I don’t drink much coffee because someone told me once that coffee worsens anxiety.

But I really want to write a blog post today. Even if it means writing badly.

Or writing something that is based on sleep and coffee.

I just know one thing — I need to write.

I’m a writer. And I will write. That’s my job.

I know I’m struggling to stay awake. But that’s the nature of life— struggle.

Struggle is the way.

If you don’t have struggles, you’re missing out on progress.

And just now I closed my eyes and I was about to fall asleep in my chair.

But I forced myself to stay awake.

The struggle is real.

Right now I’m thinking about making a hot drink for myself. Not coffee but Boost(without sugar).

I’ll be right back.

I just made two cups of Boost(hot drink) for myself and my elder sister.

And after doing this activity itself I feel less sleepy.

Now the time is 07:28AM and I don’t even know if what I’m writing makes any sense.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

life is big, but nothing compared to you

This blog is about a song that makes the author realize that life is big but nothing compared to that special person(you).

I am listening to this song called “Chuye Dekho Amay” by Tanveer Evan.

And I love it.

It’s in Bengali but here’s the link to the meaning of its lyrics.

And as I listen to the part where the Tanveer sings “Tumi chuye dekho amay/Tumi chuye dekho amay/chuye dekho amay/amake joriye buke rekhe dao”, I get emotional.

It literally means “Try seeing if you can touch me, try seeing if you can touch me, see if you can touch me, embrace me and hold me close to your chest.”

It doesn’t remind me of any memory. But I can feel it.

What I want to convey through this example is that, life is big, but nothing compared to that person who means so much to you.

Also it doesn’t have to be anything romantic. It can be spiritual as well.

You can sign it to Lord Shiva and it still holds its meaning to a great extent.

Anyways this is a little detour from hope, which is the topic of my blog. But I think it’s fine once in a while.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

The Purpose Of My Soul

This poem written by Anirban Saren is about discovering a key lesson in life from a brief but quite special experience.Happiness is the goal.

I saw you struggling from across the tables,
McDonald’s cleaning lady was one of your labels,
But beyond all names you are still special,
Until you’ve achieved your goals please never settle.

I saw someone came to help you,
Maybe a friend or colleague whom you knew,
Good people do exist in this world,
To believe in goodness, let that be my final word.

I saw my bubble tea was ready to drink,
And as I started to consume and think,
I lost sight of you,
But your memory is something I hold to.

I saw the beauty of life in your memory,
Sometimes I get lost in this reverie,
Then I realize being happy now is life’s only goal,
We never spoke but this realization from you to me was the purpose of my soul.

-Anirban Saren

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.