Anirban Saren

Hate Therapy? The Biggest Reason To Motivate Yourself For Therapy

When I was depressed and mentally ill, I went to probably 5 different psychotherapists.

Each of them has a different way of doing therapy(psychotherapy). And most of them did not have any impact on my mental health.

It was only when I found my current therapist that I feel like my mental health is getting better.

I’ll not name anyone, but I’d explain why this phenomenon of most therapy not working occurs.

I’ll not speak about different methods of therapy because I don’t know about them. I’ll write about my understanding and my beliefs.

I think the calmness and thoughtfulness of my current therapist motivate me to get better. I respect my therapist because of it.

And I think this motivation and respect also come from the intuitive understanding and belief that my therapist embodies what he says. That he walks his talk.

Most of the time, other therapists give us advice, but they don’t follow that advice. They are not happy with their lives themselves.

I don’t and can’t respect them because of some reason. Maybe because they don’t set an example for the person, they want me to be.

I think this is very important for even people of other professions- to walk their talk, be who you want others to be first, embody your truth, etc. This is a basic leadership skill.

Every therapist, life coach, and consultant is a leader who leads the clients, and patients from darkness to light. And if the therapists don’t inspire change in the patient by setting an example, then the relationship between the patient and therapist won’t work.

But what you need to do to overcome social anxiety, depression or any other mental illness is to follow your therapist’s advice even though your therapist may not be a good leader.

Just don’t keep changing therapists because you feel like they are not good leaders.

Also, the content of the advice is of little significance from my experience. The relationship between the therapist and the patient is more important than the content of the advice.

I mean who really listens or pays attention in therapy except for the therapist when there is no respect from the patient. Every word of advice goes to one ear and out from another ear of the patient or is entirely ignored by the patient.

Although when the relationship gets stronger and the patient finally respects the therapist, the patient will listen to his advice.

But until then it’s only the inspiration that comes from walking the talk on the therapist’s part that works for the patient.

So, the therapist works to the degree of the personal development of the therapist as a leader and a person who walks his talk.

Therapy is useful. And it is important.

And therapy has helped me feel understood amidst all the medication and psychological tests. I have felt better because of therapy. It has given me a safe space to speak about my feelings. It has helped me persevere during hard times.

I remember there was a psychologist at NIMHANS, Bangalore who was very polite and kind to me. I never forget her kindness. She always saw the good in me.

So go to your therapist or find a therapist near you and get therapy because it is important.

Disclaimer: The information on this page is not medical advice. Anirban Saren is not a medical professional or a doctor or a psychotherapist.

Journaling : How I Do It

I love to journal or write my thoughts in a diary. It is extremely therapeutic and calming. In this blog post I will share my experience with journaling.

I journal in the morning and evening and sometimes when I feel strong emotions. I know it sounds girly but trust me it’s not. Anyone who can write can do journaling.

The problem I think most people have is they don’t understand why journaling is necessary. It is extremely necessary.

There are many benefits but I will share my personal experiences only because you can google the general benefits anyway.

For me as a person struggling with mental health issues, I journal a lot. I journal digitally, in a physical journal, on my phone, on the computer,etc. And that helps me keep myself focused and sane.

I am not saying that without journaling you are insane. I am just saying I journal because I love it and also because it is a necessity for me.

There are many ways to journal- using prompts, using self-talk, using recollection of the day’s events, etc. And this makes the process fun. You can do it however you want to do it.

You can draw sketches in a journal. Or just write. Or do both.

Journaling is also a form of introspection. And introspection, I believe, is the most important skill a human being can learn. Journaling helps you do that.

I also think re-reading one’s journals can help one grow more. It is the act of observation of the past accurately that creates wisdom.

I re-read my journals sometimes. Although I started re-reading only a few months ago I am shocked by the insights I get from re-reading my journals.

But when you start writing in a journal the main focus should be to just write. It does not matter if you re-read it. You can think about that later. In the beginning just write as Iearnt this idea from Ryan Holiday from the Daily Stoic youtube channel.

The point of journaling is to introspect. To examine yourself. This is my opinion.

Thank you for reading my post. Please share this with your friends and family members and see you next time.

Role Of Racism And Casteism In Mental Health In India

The reason I am writing this post is to share with you how disturbing race or caste discrimination is on mental health.

I was born as an Adivasi in the Santhal community of India and I love my race and religion. But I also feel discrimination in society. And the reason is because of my birth.

From childhood I lived in an urban setting and my parents moved locations due to their jobs. I did not live in segregation from society in my tribal community. I lived with mainstream society.

When I was in class 6 one of my classmates said to me in a bad language a slang followed by the word “Adivasi”. This had an impact on my thinking.

I never felt like I could be myself when I am with non-tribal people. Because if I do become myself and act like myself I will be judged not based on my appearance or character but by race.

And they say that caste and race does not exist!

When I was a kid, I was not very social. And I did not assert myself very much. And race, in my case, had a big part to play in it.

And so when I was in a private engineering college I had to face even more racism. My labmates won’t let me do any lab work. They would outright ignore me and dominate through making groups inside the group and basically seeing me as a filth. I never felt at home there.

I am not saying my life is the way it is because of racism. I am not blaming racism or declaring myself a victim. I am saying that racism and casteism is a serious issue. Ignoring it is not going to make it go away.

Even in high school I was being point to as the guy with Scheduled Tribe quota which created discrimination. I remember thinking,”How can I be myself here? They dislike me for my race. They dislike me because of a misconception of reservation quotas. They don’t realize that reservation is there so that we can represent ourselves in the parliament. Our communities, races and castes are far behind, economically, socially and education-wise. We don’t need a handout. We want our right- representation. That’s what reservation is for.” I still remember the class teacher saying out aloud in class that the SC/ST people are taking away their seats.

Some upper caste people say that their forefathers were the ones who did us wrong and they being their sons have nothing to do with their atrocities.

A thing about forgiveness is we cannot forgive. Forgiveness won’t bring our martyrs back. It won’t give us representation. Forgiveness won’t give us our rights in a democracy. Forgiveness will not undo the injustice that’s been done to us. So we cannot forgive. We want, we demand our place on the seat whether in university or parliament.

Racism and casteism has a tremendous impact on mental health. I cannot speak for others but I can speak for myself.

I never felt like I could be myself among non-tribal people. I never feel free to speak up or assert myself among them.

In India if there is a movement where lower caste people and other races are accepted as part of India and not seen as the other, then maybe people like me can assert our identities more openly and be ourselves. That will improve the mental health of people like me.

Please comment on what you think. If you liked this blog post then please share it.

Social Anxiety To Master Leader And Salesman

As I write about the solution, I would like to tell you that I tried to overcome my social anxiety for the last two days with great difficulty and I succeeded to go to my grandmaa’s house and also ask my father if I could accompany him at his office. But I failed to continue the streak of success. I will try again
Anirban Saren

The reason I am writing this blog post is to show a way in which life works to disguise your greatest gifts as your greatest weakness.

By the way I have not become a master leader and salesman but I want to. This is what I want and I am willing to do many difficult things for achieving it.

Why do I want it? Because I want to help people be free of suffering.

As you know I said before that I have social anxiety disorder. Then why this deep desire to be a leader and a salesman, things that are totally opposite of a person suffering from social anxiety?

Well to be honest I don’t know. You can ask many of my friends and they will tell you that I am not a people person. But my close friends will tell you an entirely different story. They will tell you that I love people. When among them I become an irresistibly social person.

So I don’t know why this is the case. But I think there is a shadow aspect of my personality that has been hidden due to my circumstances of life. Regardless of the reason let’s talk about the solution.

As I write about the solution, I would like to tell you that I tried to overcome my social anxiety for the last two days with great difficulty and I succeeded to go to my grandmaa’s house and also ask my father if I could accompany him at his office. But I failed to continue the streak of success. I will try again.

So back to what we are talking about here. What is the solution?

I used to think I can just use brute force to push through the fear. But it’s not easy.

I even read books on releasing emotions, self-esteem and stoic philosophy but life just doesn’t work like that.

But I have to tell you a solution that I will execute on, if not for me, for you.

My solution is to follow my passion. I will improve my self-expression skills through attending events, writing everyday for a set period of time, commit to self-expression,etc.

Yes that’s my solution because my passion is a stronger motivation than social anxiety.

So basically my deepest desire is to be a leader and salesman who helps people overcome suffering and I have no clue how to do it because I feel abnormal levels of fear before most social interactions. This is going to be one hell of a ride.

This could be my greatest gift. This could also be my greatest regret if I don’t try. Either way I will succeed or perish trying.

So thank you for reading this blog post. I could not post in the past two days because I was busy applying some of my own ideas to overcome social anxiety. See you tomorrow.

The Only Thing More Powerful Than Death

The reason I am sharing this idea with you is if you are going through depression or any mental health issues, then it could be a reminder to take steps to overcome depression and not feel hopeless.

https://youtu.be/MqlYJqsm2Rg

I could use the word “love” but I have not experienced the truth of it yet.

But what’s true in my experience is that death is the most powerful thing. But movies like the Titanic, friends who have been in love, inspiring stories of love,etc. make me think differently.

I mean it’s so beautiful that someone can stare death in the eye and refuse to be afraid before death.

As you know that in Titanic, the ship was sinking and Jack, Rose’s beloved, was hand-cuffed and trapped in a room in the ship and if Rose would not rescue him, he would sink with the ship.

In the end of the movie, Rose survives and Jack freezes and sinks in the ocean. And it’s all sad and I feel teary eyes.

But in my and your life, we had moments when we were at a turning point with a choice of going after what our heart wants and what society wanted was to do. In those moments, we sometimes choose our heart wants even if it means to suffer greatly or even face the unknown or death.

This is what is more powerful than death. To follow your heart, to follow love, to face the unknown is more powerful than death itself.

Depression, social anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, suicidal tendencies, etc. are not easy things to deal with. And my words may not mean much because I am mostly always depressed in life and still socially anxious, but things will get better with our efforts to take regular medication and go to therapy.

I have faith in myself, you and everyone that things will get better for me, for you and for everyone.

I hope you got someone out of this blog post. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog post.

About “Perfect” Social Media Photos

The reason I am writing this is to show you a unique perspective on comparing yourself with other people.

Social media is full of the perfect moments in the lives of us but sometimes when you are down in the drain these perfect moments seldom empower you.

Instead they make you feel like a failure.

Comparing myself with my friends and college mates who have girlfriends/boyfriends, perfect slim bodies, and happiness makes me feel like I am missing out on life.

And if you feel like same way when you scroll your social media feed, you are not alone.

But we know how it goes. They probably feel as empty inside as me or maybe more. But the truth is my social life is not what I want it to be.

And I am not blaming anyone.

Ok ok I am blaming my past. But I am learning to see past these superficial comparisons.

So what is the solution?

I noticed that as soon as I focus on what I love, that is self-expression, I feel good about myself. I am even planning to go all in.

As soon as I write I feel like I am doing something unique to me. I am sharing my unique life story and gifts to the world.

I don’t know what the phd psychologist will recommend as a solution but this one solution, doing your passion works for me.

I follow a guy whose name is Grant Cardone, New York Times best-selling author and the founder of the 10X Rule and I love his ideas. One of his ideas is to swim in the kool-aid than just drinking it. It means to immerse yourself in an activity or learn about something so much that you forget everything else and fully commit to it in order to be a master in it.

In Grant’s own life he is busy all the time and tells his viewer that if you want to meet the devil, have blank space in your calendar. It is a good example for comparing the negative thoughts and comparisons to the devil in your head.

So I hope you liked this little post and see you every Monday. I say Monday but I am posting a new blog post everyday and it gets old when I say “see you every Monday”. So see you tomorrow!

My Personal Mental Health Journey

It started with me thinking like everyone was looking at me and thinking bad things about me.

I was 15 in 2015 and extremely self-conscious. I did not know what was happening. So I went to the one plan where you can get all answers free of cost- Google.

After researching google for a few hours that afternoon I read the text “Social Anxiety Disorder”. And when my mother arrive home from work, I told her about it.

She knew what it was because she had it when she was young.

But all I could think was it is the worst thing that can happen to a human being. I won’t even wish it on my worst enemy because I knew even at that time that social anxiety is worse than death.

Eventually I begged to my parents to take me to the doctor because in India mental health is still a stigma. And most people think that mental illness happens to only those patients who are in the mental asylum.

I went to the National Institute of Behaviour Sciences in Kolkata and they made me see the psychologist. But I refused to see the psychiatrist and decided to not medication.

Long story short, the psychologist and I had a disagreement. His techniques did not work or at least it did in his textbooks and he probably said to me, I don’t remember the exact words, I had to do those techniques in order to get better. Then I started seeing other psychologists.

Then my parents took me to the Apollo hospital in Kolkata. This time also I refused to take medication. But he recommended a psychologist near our home in Howrah.

The new psychologist explained to me why I had social anxiety. She told me it was because of my parents marital conflict. But her solutions were like the previous psychologist-same textbook solutions that never works for me.

The solutions like Cognitive Behavioural Therapy don’t work for me. I am depressed and I don’t need more depressing stuff like CBT.

So the same conversation happened that her solutions were not working. And I started seeing other psychologist. Or at least I wanted to but I felt so hopeless that I did not see other psychologist and turned to religion.

I real the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita and meditated diligently for 20mins everyday and in between I missed school and played Fallout 4 and other shooting games all day and I failed in class 11.

Then I joined an new school that I hated and I started to feel frustrated with myself. I stopped going to school for a few months and my plan became to meditate and dissolve my “ego”. I didn’t even know what that meant.

It turned out to be very dangerous for my mental health and I developed insomnia and psychosis. And I had to go to National Institute of Mental Health And Neurosciences and I had to take medication.

At this point of time my parents were very supportive. My sister was also very supportive. Most of my relatives were also supportive despite not understanding what mental health issues was.

At NIMHANS I met many new people and made some friends. And although it gave me a new insight into my problems through the regular therapy and careful medicine prescription at NIMHANS, I did not find the solution there.

When I came back to Kolkata, I was more depressed than ever. The psychosis and mania and insomnia occurred again. So we went to the SSKM hospital in Kolkata.

I still haven’t found the solution. What I mean by solution is mental peace.

Meditation does not have it. Psychologist does have it. I am also doing reiki healing. I think reiki works but I think what I am looking for outside me is already in me. But I don’t know how to use it.

Life is not perfect. It is an ongoing struggle. But there is hope.

I am 22 and I still have to go to therapy, get reiki healing, take medication,etc.

Do I have to feel handicapped?

No I don’t. I know that I am equally capable as everybody else. In fact I as a person can do more than others. In an internship training test I was the best of 400candidates my age not few days ago. I don’t blame mental health issues for anything. It is a part of me. If I can accept my good side I need to accept my bad side. There is no place for blaming in my life.

Do I feel like I could be more successful without my mental health issues?

No I would be less successful if I did not have the mental health issues.

Do I love myself?

I love myself and something I feel angry at myself but it’s all a learning process.

So I think you get the picture. It’s not a success story yet. It’s more like a mundane story.

Stay tuned for every Mondays when I surely upload blog posts. And have a great day dear amazing readers!

I am waiting

Before writing anything I would like to tell you that none of my words are researched or scientifically validated. These are my own personal experiences and opinion. I don’t take responsibility for any problems faced from you following my advice.

So let’s start. The reason for this blog post is to make you think differently about waiting for life to happen.

I am waiting. I am waiting for something that will come to rescue me from my mind’s prison. It’s not even a person I am waiting for. I am waiting for the right book, the right video on YouTube, the right series of events, the right timing,etc.

When I read the above lines, I feel despair. I feel like this is not the right way to live life but I am too depressed to take action. And so I feel like I can’t do anything about it and I feel like my life is hopeless.

Medication,therapy and reiki works but only to the extent that I am willing to cooperate. By cooperate I mean take the medication, go to therapy and do the homework and actually do the little things that the reiki master tell you to do in addition to healing.

But when you are depressed to the extent that you can’t make yourself do anything consistently by yourself and you have professional help but nothing seems to work, it becomes really difficult to see results.

So what is the solution?

Let me tell you a story of one of my friends who was suicidally depressed. She probably felt very hopeless and could not even express her emotions. And her recovery was very difficult but it happened and it was almost as if a miracle had happened and you had to thank God for this miracle.

Having faith in something greater than yourself is key. It seems there is no one solution to mental illness. But you can stay strong. You can have faith.

You don’t have to pray or read the scriptures. Just have faith.

This blog post has not been easy for me to write. It is emotionally challenging. I hope you will come back every Monday to read my new blog post. Stay tuned till then!

I love people

But only when I am totally selfless. And since I am not a saint, who is selfless all the time, I sometimes don’t love people.

The reason for today’s blog post is to give you my point of view on better relationships with your loved ones and people in general.

When I was 16 years old all I wanted was pleasure. When a video of a successful entrepreneur popped up and it said I could be a millionaire, I wanted to know how.

It turned out his vehicle was to learn sales skills and work hard. But his approach was very inspiring to me. So I read all his books and watched all his courses.

I learnt a great deal about sales but this is what got me to understand the importance of people and relationships with people.

I learnt how important it is to have friends who you could count on in business and in life.

I understand that at this point it seems silly of me to find such a basic thing after spending thousands of dollars on courses and books.

As Dale Carnegie wrote in “How to win friends and influence people” – don’t criticise, praise heartily,etc. These things are true in life.

But I also realise that it is very difficult to practice in real life.

Please let me tell you a story. I did not spend much time with my father during childhood because he was away for work. Being brought up by my mother I never had a father figure at home on a regular basis.

I learnt to be a boy from my friends but I learnt to be a man from TV,movies,pop culture,etc. And I hope you know TV is not a good source of information of how to be a good man.

So I got an unrealistic standard for a good man in my head. I started resenting my father who stayed with us from when I was 7. He was not the perfect human being and so I resented him.

This resentment may not be in your life but what I want to convey to you is our selfishness and neurotic lens through which we see life can make the job of having good relationships in life very hard.

Whether it is a business relationship or a private one, we tend to project our mental garbage on other people who reminds us of the aspects of us that we don’t love about ourselves.

This leads to us unconsciously sabotaging our relationships with people. Do you remember the last time you met someone whom you “just can’t stand”? That’s what I am talking about.

So what is the solution? I found out that journaling helps a lot for me. Feeling the emotion rather than suppressing it is the key. Understanding why you feel certain emotions like anxiety or anger or rage helps you understand the cause of your life’s recurring patterns.

And then slowly redesigning your life by changing your values to a more honest life.

All these things I learned from many books and videos but a few big ones are “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck”, reading my journal entries, Actualized.org,etc.

So what are my results?

I feel angry instead of suppressing it. I feel my emotions and know exactly why I feel them and I am starting to forgive my father.

I am learning to see past all the flaws of the other person and actually see the other person clearly.

I guess this is somehow selfless and can be used to love people.

The steps-

1. Understanding and uncovering why you feel that way(journaling)

2. Dealing with it through forgiveness or change

In the next blog post you will get a new point of view. This is not about me, this is about using my past experiences to create a meaningful future for you and me.

So I hope you will stick with me for the next blog post and read it next week on Monday.