Category: Life

The Struggle: Feeling Sleepy And Still Writing

The author writes about how in spite of feeling sleepy, he is struggling to writing a blog post early morning.

I’m writing this as I feel sleepy. I woke up minutes ago and I started writing.

It is 06:55AM and I still feel sleepy. 

But I slept on time yesterday.

And as I remember about yesterday and think deeply about topics, I start becoming more awake.

But I feel sleepy.

I don’t drink much coffee because someone told me once that coffee worsens anxiety.

But I really want to write a blog post today. Even if it means writing badly.

Or writing something that is based on sleep and coffee.

I just know one thing — I need to write.

I’m a writer. And I will write. That’s my job.

I know I’m struggling to stay awake. But that’s the nature of life— struggle.

Struggle is the way.

If you don’t have struggles, you’re missing out on progress.

And just now I closed my eyes and I was about to fall asleep in my chair.

But I forced myself to stay awake.

The struggle is real.

Right now I’m thinking about making a hot drink for myself. Not coffee but Boost(without sugar).

I’ll be right back.

I just made two cups of Boost(hot drink) for myself and my elder sister.

And after doing this activity itself I feel less sleepy.

Now the time is 07:28AM and I don’t even know if what I’m writing makes any sense.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

life is big, but nothing compared to you

This blog is about a song that makes the author realize that life is big but nothing compared to that special person(you).

I am listening to this song called “Chuye Dekho Amay” by Tanveer Evan.

And I love it.

It’s in Bengali but here’s the link to the meaning of its lyrics.

And as I listen to the part where the Tanveer sings “Tumi chuye dekho amay/Tumi chuye dekho amay/chuye dekho amay/amake joriye buke rekhe dao”, I get emotional.

It literally means “Try seeing if you can touch me, try seeing if you can touch me, see if you can touch me, embrace me and hold me close to your chest.”

It doesn’t remind me of any memory. But I can feel it.

What I want to convey through this example is that, life is big, but nothing compared to that person who means so much to you.

Also it doesn’t have to be anything romantic. It can be spiritual as well.

You can sign it to Lord Shiva and it still holds its meaning to a great extent.

Anyways this is a little detour from hope, which is the topic of my blog. But I think it’s fine once in a while.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

Ishq! Ishq! Ishq!!! (Love! Love! Love!!!)

The author writes about a poetry show he and his sister went to see the previous day. It was quite an unique and a great experience.

I just can’t get yesterday evening’s “Ishq Hai” poetry show by Priya Malik out of my head.

Story Time: Ishq Hai

So yesterday my sister and I went to HSR Layout in Bangalore to attend a poetry show by Priya Malik that we booked on bookmyshow.

A group photo with Priya Malik(3rd from the left) and Tanmay(4th from the left)

And it was a good decision. In fact it was a great decision.

I still can’t forget that experience.

The show wasn’t just about “Ishq” or love, but it was about the subtleties of love.

How “pyaar” is different from “ibadaat” and how there are 7 levels of love and how the former six are different from “Ishq”, which is the seventh level.

And I realized yesterday that I have only ever had infatuations and that I had never felt “Ishq” for anyone.

It made me feel quite hopeful instead of sad.

At least now I know where I stand.

I also love the story of her life, the story of her and her mother.

How she would say “kuch nahi” when her mother asked her about her day. And how that changed. (don’t want to spoil too much for future audience members)

Priya Malik said that it is the distance from and absence of a thing or a person that makes us realize their value. I don’t remember the exact words though.

But I think these positive feelings of bliss and gratitude will last for days. And that’s also great for my mental health.

Why I Attended The Show

So my sister and I went to the show yesterday after my sister’s duty at NIMHANS. 

At first I was hesitant but then I thought “What the hell! Let’s try something new.”

Because generally I go to music concerts and action movie screenings. But this was the first time I went to a poetry show on “Ishq Hai” which is an emotional experience.

There’s nothing to think or analyze like I do with my data analysis career.

All you have to do is open your heart and feel. 

Yes! That plain old “feeling” in this age of AI.

And after watching the show we had dinner at Leon’s Burger.

Then we returned to our rented place.

So yeah yesterday evening was filled with blissful thoughts and intense feelings.

And I’d never want to forget yesterday evening even if the photos get lost.

Also Priya Malik did a “meet and greet” and we got her autographs and clicked a group photo.

Conclusion

And yeah! That was quite something!!!

One thing I learnt from this experience is that everything happens for its own good. There’s nothing to worry about.

God is there and things will happen at the right time.

All we need to do is surrender to God!

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

How My Illusions of Anger and Misunderstanding Are Removed By The Bhagavad Gita

The author writes about how reading the Bhagavad Gita helps him overcome the illusions of emotions like anger, misunderstanding, etc.

The Bhagavad Gita helps me overcome illusions of anger and misunderstanding and more.

Yesterday I was very angry with my sister. 

I was feeling angry because she comes to my bedroom and sleeps in it because it’s tidier than her bedroom.

She goes back to her bedroom at night but yesterday I felt very possessive of my bedroom.

So I felt angry even minutes after she went back to her room.

But then I started reading the Bhagavad Gita.

And I read a couple of chapters, and my anger was dispelled fast. 

Because when I read the Bhagavad Gita, it reminded me of the real goal of life.

It gave me clarity and I felt balanced and calm.

I also performed some of the psychological and breathing techniques that I learnt from NIMHANS.

And it helped me.

But the Bhagavad Gita was a real help.

My anger and possessiveness were illusions. They were not real. They were born of misunderstanding.

Sometimes I wonder why I didn’t read the Bhagavad Gita earlier.

Because if I had read it earlier, I would not have dropped out of the science stream after school.

But now there’s no point regretting it.

I need to use everything I have and not feel sorry for myself.

It’s never too late to change. 

And now that I have the dispeller of all illusions — The Bhagavad Gita, I can relax.

I am thankful I read Bhagavad Gita.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

College Memories: Pleasant And Negative

The author writes about his regular college memories and how they are influencing his mind in both pleasant and negative ways.

I’ve gone to regular college but I quit.

Due to my anxiety, I quit regular college and got admitted to another college in online mode.

The memories of the regular college were both pleasant and negative. 

Sometimes they haunt me. 

College Memories: What Was Possible

They remind me of what was possible. Of what I could have accomplished.

I did avoid regular college and I got admitted to online college.

But I don’t regret my decision. It was what was appropriate for that situation.

There’s no other alternative I could have gone for given what I knew back then.

There’s a stigma around online and distance education in India and also around the world.

And that may kind of hurt my career.

But it’s in the past.

I don’t want it to turn into a bad memory.

Nor do I want it to poison my soul. Because it is exactly that.

It’s going to make me negative and have regrets which I don’t want.

So I’ll stop thinking about it. I’ll focus on the present and future. Not the past.

Right now I am an MBA post-graduate. And I have completed my Bachelor’s and Master’s. 

Conclusion

I need to focus on how to move forward, not look back and have regrets.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

Bhagavad Gita: Significant Changes In My Life

The author writes how the Bhagavad Gita is changing this life and how a healthy level of doubt is necessary and alright.

I’ve been reading the Bhagavad Gita and I already see changes in my life.

Bhagavad Gita : Story Time

I recently started cooking lunch and dinner. 

Earlier me and my sister used to order lunch and dinner from restaurants.

But now I cook them.

Although I order the curry and side dishes, I prepare the main staple dish.

I cook rice or rotis. And order vegetable or chicken curry.

And I also know that my psychiatric medication has a big part to play in this.

But I also think the Bhagavad Gita definitely has a part in causing these changes in my life.

I feel more grounded and am sleeping better.

I’m having less problems waking up early or sleeping early.

Religion

The Bhagavad Gita is a Hindu scripture. But I’m not a Hindu, I’m an Adivasi(Saridharam- truth religion).

But I find that reading the Bhagavad Gita helps me a lot.

I can relate to Arjuna from Chapter 1 itself.

Doubts

Sometimes I doubt if indeed the Gita is the word of God. Or whether Gita is true.

And I think it is good to doubt to some extent.

I don’t need to have blind faith. I need to challenge the Gita and experience its truths for myself in real life.

Conclusion

I need to treat it as a manual but the real realisation would only be possible if I act and actually “assemble the parts” or “attain spiritual realisation” or “moksh” by following it.

So yeah I’m reading the Bhagavad Gita and this journey never ends because unless one attains “moksh”, there’s no stopping.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Responsibility: Today I need to throw away all the garbage

The author writes about responsibility and how he is doing a lot of chores and tasks that are making him a responsible person.

I packed all the garbage and I’ll throw it today when the garbage truck arrives because it’s my responsibility as long as I’m in Bangalore.

And I don’t want to miss it, so I’m not wearing my earbuds while writing this blog post.

This is what responsibility does to you.

It makes you practical and grounded. 

It makes you want to save every paise and bargain with the shopkeepers. It makes you want to fight for survival and research the cheapest options before buying anything.

And that makes you a better person.

I learnt this from my elder sister. She always finds the cheapest food on Zomato. She always makes sure that she isn’t paying the delivery fee on Blinkit by buying over 200 INR of stuff.

So now I also follow my sister in her footsteps. 

But I also try to keep an abundant mindset. I don’t sacrifice quality for cheapness.

When I was younger, like maybe 19 years old, I used to think that money is meant to be used and spent to make life easier and more productive. 

Although it’s true to some extent, it is a dangerous belief because it makes you forget the value of saving money and the fact that for a middle class employee, money isn’t abundant, it’s scarce.

So we need to save money.

But do you see what responsibility did to me with regards to money.

It made me more practical and grounded.

And in life everyone has to become practical at some point.

It’s not optional.

Fear of not surviving, fear of death — these are the causes of this practicality.

And they are necessary. Responsibility is necessary.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Responsibilities Are Necessary

Responsibilities teach you to be a better person more than any classes or reading books.

When I was in class 11 and I failed in class, I didn’t take any household responsibilities. 

My parents did everything for me.

And I just had to study.

But at that time I was facing problems related to sitting down to study.

I think if I had taken some household responsibilities at that time, I could have avoided failing in class.

And I am saying this not from a place of regret but maturity and knowledge.

Responsibility in my opinion makes you more realistic because you have to deal with life on a practical level.

And you also need to deal with all kinds of people.

You have to get out there.

Be it buying groceries, throwing garbage, cleaning your house, washing your clothes, cooking, etc. It requires being practical and facing society.

I’m not saying that you need to make conversations with everybody, but what I’m saying is that “Don’t get angry if someone misbehaves with you or speaks rudely to you.”

Responsibilities teach you many things like humility, perseverance, focus, groundedness, etc.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

Expressing My Gratitude To God(part 1)

The author writes a short gratitude letter to God for being there with him ALWAYS.

Dear God,
I refer to you with many names through many religions. I remember you through my heart. And I want to express my gratitude through this letter.

I’m reading the Bible, the Bhagavad Gita, etc. and I am in love with you. I want to thank you for everything that you’ve given me in this life.

And I don’t know if there is rebirth or not, I just know that this present moment is all I got. There’s no past, no future, only this moment.

Thank you for this moment, for being with me for the times I can and can’t remember. 

Thank you for giving me loving parents, good siblings, good friends, good education, good health, an intelligent brain.

I don’t know if good things will continue coming to me in the future but I know you’ll always be with me.

I want to thank you for my seeming weaknesses because they taught me to go to you for strength.

Thank you for my natural strengths because they taught me to believe in myself. 

God, you are great. This creation of yours is amazing. Earth is amazing.

All the good things, good people, nature, etc. are beautiful.

Thank you for creating the ugliness in the world because they teach me to remember you for hope.

I want to express my gratitude to you for being there with me ALWAYS.

And thank you reader for reading this line. It means a lot.

Yours loving,
Anirban

Heartbreak Is Real: Understand Her

The author writes about how even after a heartbreak a woman needs to be understood by the man. Just because she rejects a man doesn’t allow the man to blame her. A man needs to understand her.

Heartbreak is real, but it’s necessary.

You need to understand the girl’s perspective.

You propose to her. She rejects you.

Maybe she doesn’t feel attracted to you.

Maybe she has some reasons to reject you.

Maybe she has so many problems in her own life that she can’t say “yes”.

Maybe she just wants you as a “friend”.

Your heart breaks.

But you can’t and shouldn’t think only from one side.

If you didn’t get that heartbreak then you wouldn’t get the opportunity to understand the girl.

You need to understand her.

You need to heal yourself by understanding her.

You need to smile and forgive her.

Because she also has feelings, thoughts,etc.

And these feelings and thoughts deserve your understanding.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.