But only when I am totally selfless. And since I am not a saint, who is selfless all the time, I sometimes don’t love people.
The reason for today’s blog post is to give you my point of view on better relationships with your loved ones and people in general.
When I was 16 years old all I wanted was pleasure. When a video of a successful entrepreneur popped up and it said I could be a millionaire, I wanted to know how.
It turned out his vehicle was to learn sales skills and work hard. But his approach was very inspiring to me. So I read all his books and watched all his courses.
I learnt a great deal about sales but this is what got me to understand the importance of people and relationships with people.
I learnt how important it is to have friends who you could count on in business and in life.
I understand that at this point it seems silly of me to find such a basic thing after spending thousands of dollars on courses and books.
As Dale Carnegie wrote in “How to win friends and influence people” – don’t criticise, praise heartily,etc. These things are true in life.
But I also realise that it is very difficult to practice in real life.
Please let me tell you a story. I did not spend much time with my father during childhood because he was away for work. Being brought up by my mother I never had a father figure at home on a regular basis.
I learnt to be a boy from my friends but I learnt to be a man from TV,movies,pop culture,etc. And I hope you know TV is not a good source of information of how to be a good man.
So I got an unrealistic standard for a good man in my head. I started resenting my father who stayed with us from when I was 7. He was not the perfect human being and so I resented him.
This resentment may not be in your life but what I want to convey to you is our selfishness and neurotic lens through which we see life can make the job of having good relationships in life very hard.
Whether it is a business relationship or a private one, we tend to project our mental garbage on other people who reminds us of the aspects of us that we don’t love about ourselves.
This leads to us unconsciously sabotaging our relationships with people. Do you remember the last time you met someone whom you “just can’t stand”? That’s what I am talking about.
So what is the solution? I found out that journaling helps a lot for me. Feeling the emotion rather than suppressing it is the key. Understanding why you feel certain emotions like anxiety or anger or rage helps you understand the cause of your life’s recurring patterns.
And then slowly redesigning your life by changing your values to a more honest life.
All these things I learned from many books and videos but a few big ones are “The Subtle Art Of Not Giving A F*ck”, reading my journal entries, Actualized.org,etc.
So what are my results?
I feel angry instead of suppressing it. I feel my emotions and know exactly why I feel them and I am starting to forgive my father.
I am learning to see past all the flaws of the other person and actually see the other person clearly.
I guess this is somehow selfless and can be used to love people.
The steps-
1. Understanding and uncovering why you feel that way(journaling)
2. Dealing with it through forgiveness or change
In the next blog post you will get a new point of view. This is not about me, this is about using my past experiences to create a meaningful future for you and me.
So I hope you will stick with me for the next blog post and read it next week on Monday.