college Archives - Hope With Anirban

College Memories: Pleasant And Negative

The author writes about his regular college memories and how they are influencing his mind in both pleasant and negative ways.

I’ve gone to regular college but I quit.

Due to my anxiety, I quit regular college and got admitted to another college in online mode.

The memories of the regular college were both pleasant and negative.

Sometimes they haunt me.

College Memories: What Was Possible

They remind me of what was possible. Of what I could have accomplished.

I did avoid regular college and I got admitted to online college.

But I don’t regret my decision. It was what was appropriate for that situation.

There’s no other alternative I could have gone for given what I knew back then.

There’s a stigma around online and distance education in India and also around the world.

And that may kind of hurt my career.

But it’s in the past.

I don’t want it to turn into a bad memory.

Nor do I want it to poison my soul. Because it is exactly that.

It’s going to make me negative and have regrets which I don’t want.

So I’ll stop thinking about it. I’ll focus on the present and future. Not the past.

Right now I am an MBA post-graduate. And I have completed my Bachelor’s and Master’s.

Conclusion

I need to focus on how to move forward, not look back and have regrets.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

I finally accepted I am not a failure

The author writes about how his preconception that he was a failure because he failed in school was wrong. It wasn’t his failure to begin with, it was society’s failure.

When I was in class 11 I had failed one year and I was detained in the same class.

And I had been carrying the burden on my shoulders that I was a failure.

I had never introspected if it was indeed true that I had failed.

Last night I was journaling and I realized that it was not my failure.

But it was someone else’s failure.

It was society’s failure.

I was trying my best to survive but it was society who had failed me.

I was trying out a socratic method of introspection with the guidance of Claude AI.

And it turned out that I was studying physics, chemistry, computer science and maths because my parents told me to.

Not because I wanted to.

I felt as if I was learning something I found strange.

I felt stupid and as if it was a waste of my time.

I felt sad and stressed. I felt tired of all the traveling to school, coaching classes, and tutors.

And yet I didn’t understand those subjects.

I felt, “If the world is so difficult, I don’t want to live in a difficult world.”

I couldn’t sit down to study.

I played videogames 16 hours a day from morning till midnight.

I slept less, ate irregularly and didn’t study.

I avoided everything.

And I was also reading so many self-help books to help me figure out what was wrong with me.

My psychologists said that nothing was wrong with me. But I believed something was wrong with me.

I wasn’t having fun while avoiding life, I was trying my best to cope with the sadness and pain and the stress.

And then when I failed I finally felt free.

But this feeling of freedom and relief was short-lived.

I was again back to repeating the year in another school where I took admission.

And somehow I passed high school with the same subjects.

And for a few months I studied engineering at a private university but I dropped out.

And again I got the feeling of relief and freedom.

This time I took a Bachelor of Arts (honours) in philosophy course in college.

But due to some technical problems I had to change my subject to English and I had to drop out.

Then I took a bachelor of business administration course from my last online college.

And I studied it and graduated and took MBA and graduated that too.

But all this while I kept thinking that “I am a failure”.

And boy I couldn’t be so wrong.

I thought that since class 11 was something I experienced and I failed it, I am the failure.

But the truth is it was my parents’ and society’s expectations that made me take physics, chemistry, computer science, maths as subjects.

And if I “failed” that and felt relief, it wasn’t my failure really, it was their failure.

I was never a failure.

I gave my best and I did my best to cope with the stress and sadness.

I read self-help books to find the solution.

But I couldn’t find any.

So it was never my failure.

I was living in someone else’s design of a life.

It wasn’t mine to begin with.

And I also realized that even right now I am living in someone else’s design of my life.

I am living in fear of not getting a job, fear of never making it, fear of not having a comparable income to others.

I am trying to get a data analytics job but all I want to do is write and read and experience the world and share it with you.

I guess I need to work on this aspect now before it’s too late.

But yeah I was never a failure, it wasn’t my failure.

I am not a failure.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

Pain is the greatest motivator

I’ve met and known people in my life who did great things not because they could do it but because they had to do it.

But why is that the case? Why is pain the greatest motivator instead of pleasure?

Business

All my life I wanted to start a business.

And I did start a business after high school.

But I had to close it because of my unique circumstances.

But I wasn’t doing well in that business when I ran it.

I lacked motivation and I was lazy.

I started the business because I was scared of my responsibility for studying for graduation.

At that time I was thinking about dropping from regular college and I hadn’t yet taken admission in an online degree course.

And I was lost.

Long story short, I closed that business because of my unique circumstances.

Mostly because I felt anxious about running the business.

Graduation

But then after I closed the business I had to study for graduation.

After a lot of listening to sad songs and realistic advice from YouTube, I studied for my graduation and graduated with a Bachelor’s of Business Administration degree.

It was at this time I felt my beliefs about the world were becoming more realistic and my mind was getting calmer.

Beliefs like “A degree is just a piece of paper” just went out the window and I realised that a degree is “more valuable than a million dollars”.

Beliefs like “psychologists don’t know anything” was replaced by “psychologists are trained professionals who know what they are doing. Their advice is backed by scientific research.”

I score 70% in my graduation which is good. (I am proud of myself no matter what because I had BPAD and I did it in spite of that.)

And this success in my graduation was not fueled by avoidance but pain.

Conclusion

If I didn’t graduate from college, I can’t get even the most basic corporate job.

Without a job there’s no income because business is not easy for most people.

I guess most of the startups fail within the first few years.

And I am not from a rich family.

This realisation was painful and I would sleep for hours during the day but one day I realised that I need to fight for my highest possibility.

And so I did. And with God’s grace I won.

So actually there is no pleasure or pain in reality. They are just perceptions of the mind.

And sometimes the truth is painful.

I guess I don’t know the scientific reason why pain is more powerful than pleasure. I guess you can tell me in the comments section.

But I hope my story shed some light on this question.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!

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Guide to an online degree for mental health fighters (India)

Anirban, despite battling bipolar affective disorder and social anxiety, has achieved a Bachelor of Business Administration from Amity University Online. He overcame immense self-doubt and setbacks in his academic journey. Anirban advocates for the value of online degrees, emphasizing their legitimacy and the opportunities they provide for stable employment.

Hi I’m Anirban, a person who struggles with bipolar affective disorder(BPAD) and social anxiety. And I have graduated with a bachelors in business administration in spite of my mental health struggles.

Before Online Degree/ Mental Health Struggles

For giving you some context, I was diagnosed with BPAD when I was 17 years old. And I take medication and am a lot better because of my medication and psychotherapy.

At 17, I was in class 12, and I had no confidence in myself, I couldn’t get out of bed and even take a bath or eat alone. I was depressed, manic, and had no self-confidence.

But with God’s blessings I somehow appeared for class 12 board exams and I passed. This was after I was diagnosed.

Then I got into an engineering college where I found it too difficult to understand the subjects. So I quit engineering college.

Then I started pursuing a Bachelor of Arts with Philosophy honors from a local college because I love philosophy.

But due to some technical problems, I was denied Philosophy and had to get into English honors in the same college.

But I couldn’t cope with the new environment and due to my social anxiety, I quit Bachelor of Arts with English honors.

Then I started my own business which was an ecommerce t-shirt print-on-demand business. That’s a story for another day. But I failed in that too.

Online College

But that’s not the end of my career.

I decided to study in an online college (Amity University Online). And I took admission in Bachelor of Business Administration because I had to get a degree. The job market is so competitive in India that you must have a degree to get a decent job.

And I studied, and I passed with 7.0 CGPA after 3 years in 2023.

Hurray!!!

I faced a lot of self-doubt, but I overcame them with the help of my parents and siblings.

Why an Online Degree?

So you may wonder,” Why get an online degree? Maybe it’s not as valuable as a regular degree.” or “How can I get an online degree? I haven’t finished high school.” or “I don’t need a degree because I will start a business.”

Well the last reason is a little naive because a business can fail but once you have a degree you can at least get a standard job anytime you want. And you can’t get a degree anytime you want. But you can start a business anytime you want.

And as for the first doubt,” Why get an online degree? Maybe it’s not as valuable as a regular degree.”, according to the University Grants Commission(UGC) in India, an online degree is equivalent with a regular degree.

Here’s the official notification from UGC’s website.

And as for the second doubt “How can I get an online degree? I haven’t finished high school.”, you can pass school through the National Institute of Open Schools(NIOS).

I have no experience with NIOS. But you can check out other people’s YouTube videos to research the information.

How to get a degree from an online college?

I will only speak about a private online college because I have graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration(BBA) degree from Amity University Online where I have first-hand experience.

First speak to the admission counselor.
Fill the online admission form.
Then pay the first semester fees. Or you can avail an EMI plan.
Then wait for the login credentials for the university online portal which you will receive in your email inbox in a few days.
(optional) Attend the orientation program occurring for online students of that university.
Study and take the exams at semester end.(The exams are online proctored, meaning you will need a webcam on your laptop or PC and there will be a professor or admission invigilator who will watch you while you write the exam by typing.
(Optional)Attendance in online classes is not mandatory.
(Optional) Attend the convocation program and get your degree. Or you can get it via courier.
The medium of education is mostly English. And you need to be comfortable typing your answers on a computer.
Physical books are sent to your address every semester.
You can send them any query you have via email or the portal or even talk to them through phone call.
There may be a research project in your degree’s last semester depending on which degree you choose. You need to manage it somehow.

Conclusion

If you have any doubts, you can contact me via the contact form or send me a DM on Instagram(@anirbansaren657) or LinkedIn(https://www.linkedin.com/in/anirbansaren/).

I hope you found something useful from this blog post. I hope you get your future college degree and get a good job in spite of having mental health issues.

If You Have To Pretend, Read This

“Why am I sabotaging my success?”, I thought to myself on the day I was detained during my junior year in school.

I was pretending to be someone else. I had to pretend to be a strong personality, an extrovert and a smart person who could deal with bigger egos easily.

This was a new school in my junior year and I failed in my first year at this school and had to change schools later.

So basically after class 10, I change schools and I was unable to handle the new environment. And my study performance dipped and I failed class 11.

Why did this happen? I don’t know. But I know that I was pretending heavily to fit in, to avoid being bullied, to protect myself, etc.

I don’t know how to say it but I am still pretending even though the intensity is much less.

Also in my first year of college, I was pretending heavily to fit in. And I sabotaged my success again.

I made friends and I started fitting in by pretending. I did not set boundaries and I ended up self-sabotaging and dropping out of that course.

I used to think that I had to pretend because that’s what ensures survival and success.

But in a way, my self-sabotage was a blessing to me. I learnt to go within myself and grow self-awareness by journaling.

But pretending is not necessary for the long run.

Conclusion

Imagine working in an office. Would you pretend and stay under the radar just to save yourself from office politics and avoid unnecessary criticism for your ideas by keeping quiet? Or would you focus your energy on learning from the company, improving your skillset and giving your best work?

The latter does not allow pretence. The former option is a gold mine of pretence opportunities.

So if you have to pretend, let me tell you- it’s a trap.

Thank you for reading this blog post on pretence. A question for you: Do you pretend sometimes? If so, how do you reduce your pretence?