“Why am I sabotaging my success?”, I thought to myself on the day I was detained during my junior year in school.
I was pretending to be someone else. I had to pretend to be a strong personality, an extrovert and a smart person who could deal with bigger egos easily.
This was a new school in my junior year and I failed in my first year at this school and had to change schools later.
So basically after class 10, I change schools and I was unable to handle the new environment. And my study performance dipped and I failed class 11.
Why did this happen? I don’t know. But I know that I was pretending heavily to fit in, to avoid being bullied, to protect myself, etc.
I don’t know how to say it but I am still pretending even though the intensity is much less.
Also in my first year of college, I was pretending heavily to fit in. And I sabotaged my success again.
I made friends and I started fitting in by pretending. I did not set boundaries and I ended up self-sabotaging and dropping out of that course.
I used to think that I had to pretend because that’s what ensures survival and success.
But in a way, my self-sabotage was a blessing to me. I learnt to go within myself and grow self-awareness by journaling.
But pretending is not necessary for the long run.
Imagine working in an office. Would you pretend and stay under the radar just to save yourself from office politics and avoid unnecessary criticism for your ideas by keeping quiet? Or would you focus your energy on learning from the company, improving your skillset and giving your best work?
The latter does not allow pretence. The former option is a gold mine of pretence opportunities.
So if you have to pretend, let me tell you- it’s a trap.
Thank you for reading this blog post on pretence. A question for you: Do you pretend sometimes? If so, how do you reduce your pretence?