When I was in class 11, I was suffering. Whether it was due to some mental illness, I don’t know.
I remember I hated school. I couldn’t force myself to get dressed and go to school.
So I thought something was wrong with me.
I would play video games all day from 6 am to 2am at night.
And then I would read self-help and spirituality books to find what was wrong with me.
I went to psychologists, and they told me “You don’t have social anxiety”.
Then in class 12, I experienced psychosis. As bizarre as it may be to experience psychosis, it humbled me after spending time in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences).
I saw people my age, with more severe mental illnesses. As compared to them, I was much better off.
I was in class 12 and about to complete high school. Many of my roommates at NIMHANS hadn’t completed 7th grade.
After I was diagnosed with BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder), the opposite of thinking “I was not normal” happened. I realized slowly that my situation was very normal.
Most people have similar problems.
I was not special. And I am not entitled to special treatment.
Yes I had BPAD and a little social anxiety. But so do other people.
Yes I was entitled. And unrealistic.
Now I am more realistic and humble.
The point of all the above words is to admit to and show you- There are two arrows that we are hit by in life. One arrow is from the external world. This arrow is out of our control.
But there’s a second arrow, our reactions to the first arrow.
For example, I was not able to go to school. My mind stopped me. This is the first arrow.
But to think that something is wrong with me and to read self-help books and playing video games out of frustration is the second arrow. These were reactions to not being able to go to school.
We can’t control the world’s events but we can decide how we are going to react to them.
Thank you for reading this blog post.
