Tag: social anxiety

I came home after a long time

The author writes about his arrival at Howrah, his hometown, and how he plans to stay there for a few days before returning to Bangalore.

Yesterday I came home to Howrah from Bangalore after a long time via flight.

And I feel bliss after eating the homemade food that my mother and father cook at home.

I think it’s important to visit home and balance work and family.

I don’t have the work part figured out just yet but I’m on my way to secure job interviews.

But I’ve figured out my family part.

My parents and my siblings are there. And they mean a lot to me.

There isn’t much story here. But I was a bit anxious throughout the journey and I was observing the people around me.

I had my fruit juice(Maiza) bottle with me which I was occasionally sipping throughout my journey.

I’ll be staying in Howrah for the next 7 days. And I have plans other than voting.

I didn’t just come here to vote. But I came to accomplish some important tasks which I’ll write about in the future(So stay tuned).

To see my parents’ faces when I came home gave me immense joy.

And I drank a glass of lassi after I entered home. 

And I have to tell you I had the best sleep last night in a long time.

So yeah I came home and I’ll return soon after a few days.

Thanks for reading this line! It means a lot.

How Therapy Helped Me Discover My Perfectionism

The author writes about how therapy has helped him discover his perfectionism.

I have been taking therapy sessions since 2014, and they have helped me a lot.

I have learned a lot about myself.

Not only that, but I have learnt many things about myself, but there’s this one thing that I was struggling to deal with. That’s perfectionism.

That was a major reason behind my anxiety problems, at least most of it.

It has cost me a lot of time and money. And when I discovered perfectionism as what I was experiencing, I was both shocked and relieved.

What I realized was that the problem was deep. It was deeply entangled with my beliefs. 

And although it won’t be an overnight recovery, it’ll take time to overcome my mental health issues.

Thank you for reading this line. It means a lot!

If you feel like a failure, read this…

The author writes about himself being a failure all his life and how he found meaning and purpose in spite of that.

I think I’ve been a black sheep of my family. I’ve been failing at everything I attempted to do for the entire 26 years of my life. 

But I think I’ll be successful in my life.

When I was in class 11 at my school, I failed a year. And I was detained and I had to repeat a year.

And I identified myself with a failure. And it can get demoralizing sometimes but it taught me a lesson.

The lesson was “No matter what happens, failure is a stepping stone for success. It’s not the end of the world.”

Even after failing multiple times, if you can keep going for a lofty goal in life, you’ll be successful. 

In fact if you’re working hard to succeed even after failing multiple times, you’re a “successful person” in your own right.

When I was studying for my undergraduate degree, I wanted to start a career in copywriting.

I even bought a course after asking money from my parents.

And I ended up leaving the course half-way because I found it was very difficult for me.

And that was also a failure. 

But it also taught me the same lesson- to keep moving forward.

I know I don’t do well in classroom environments when a teacher teaches me a fixed curriculum.

I like to learn on my own. And I thrive in that way.

And that way I’ve completed my MBA in Data Science(online mode), I’ve completed many small courses.

I’ve started a business in 2020 and failed(which is a win because I learnt many business lessons).

I’ve never stopped believing in myself. And every day is a battle I still continue to fight. 

And as I said if a person continues to work hard in spite of failing multiple times, they’re a “successful person” in their own right. 

Life isn’t the same all the time. It changes. You change. 

And nothing lasts forever. “This too shall pass” as they say.

So success is just around the corner even if it’s too small to notice.

But it’s by being grateful for those small successes that we learn to change our identities from a “failure” to a “success”.

Thank you for reading this line. It means a lot to me.

Uncertainty for a job

The author is writing about his dilemma of whether he should looking for a job or do something else all the while not looking for a job.

I am looking for a job.

And I feel like I’m fighting myself more than I’m struggling to get a job interview.

So I apply for the job and sometimes I don’t receive the call from the Human Resources executive. 

Then if I end up appearing for the group discussion, I skip the interview. 

And I am back to being jobless.

And if you’re confused as to what I’m blabbering about, I mean to convey to you that I’m scared of the interview.

I’ll work on overcoming this fear, but I’m not nearly as scared of the interview as I am of my sense of uncertainty.

Uncertainty as to if I should even work for someone else rather than starting a business or make writing my business. 

Uncertainty as to if I should get a private job or a government job.

Uncertainty as to if I should work in people facing roles or the back office.

This is what’s been happening in my life lately.

I was avoiding writing because I was giving myself excuses like “It’s only a hobby”.

I still don’t know what to do. 

And I’m sure many people in my country, India and the world think similarly about their careers.

And yes the uncertainty is strong. And I feel very uneasy. 

A lot of things have been postponed because I’m waiting for a way to make a decision.

A decision as to what I should do.

If you ask me, why aren’t you able to get a job, I’d say “I am confused if I should do a job or a business.”

So I’m kind of stuck in my mind being unable to decide. 

And it’s not like I’m appearing for lots of interviews and am getting rejected.

I’m not even applying. 

So yeah, I hope I get out of this mess.

Thanks for reading this line. It means a lot!

Maybe I’m wrong

“Maybe I am wrong” is the start of a change.

A change from inside out. A change of realisation.

Yesterday I and my family went to someone’s house for dinner.

First I thought she was rude based on our earlier meetings.

But her family was very welcoming.

She talked to me politely. And her family also talked to me politely.

I realised that what I thought that she was a rude person was wrong.

Maybe she thought I was rude.

Before that dinner I was feeling very afraid.

I was thinking about skipping dinner but I thought that “maybe I am wrong”. Maybe she isn’t rude. Maybe she was afraid or stressed.

So I thought let’s give life a chance.

And life gave me self-knowledge and empathy. It proved to me that “people are not bad”.

Maybe I am the one who is thinking wrongly and that people are good.

Nobody is judging you. Nobody is trying to hurt you.

I guess I changed because I was open to being wrong.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot! 😊

A New Perspective On Social Anxiety

I would like to write about my privilege. Before that, I would like to tell you a story. Once there was a boy with a mental illness. But people didn’t know that his condition was due to mental illness. The boy acted normally except he wouldn’t socialize much. Most times he wouldn’t socialize with people […]

A New Perspective On Social Anxiety

Just thought this might brighten up the rest of your day.

Please read this reblog post and let me know your opinion.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!

Image credit – https://unsplash.com/photos/man-in-black-jacket-and-pants-sitting-on-stairs-mY-6bncc3rw?utm_content=creditShareLink&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=unsplash

“You were finding CA Foundation difficult?” A mental health perspective

The author recounts a challenging experience with a coaching center regarding the CA Foundation exam, highlighting their struggles with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. They emphasize the importance of gratitude for personal strengths and mental health, recognizing that everyone’s journey is different and that worth isn’t solely defined by academic success.

A few months ago I got a phone call from a popular coaching center in India.

The person on the other side asked if I had taken the CA Foundation exam. She also asked other questions that were somehow rude.

So she asked-

  1. “Have you taken the CA Foundation exam?” I had taken admission in their CA Foundation batch for a few months despite finding it difficult to cope with the demands of its preparation. And yes I find it demanding because I had BPAD and Social Anxiety and I am not special. I answered her with a “No.”
  2. “Why not?” was her next question. I answered “I have dropped out of it.”
  3. “Why?” was her yet another question. I answered “I was finding it difficult.”
  4. “You were finding CA Foundation difficult??” I could hear her disgust and confusion through the phone call. I kindly hung up.

The above is what happened a few months ago.

For those who don’t know,CA exams or the Chartered Accountancy exams, being one of the most difficult exams in India and the world, are divided into 3 exams, foundation, intermediate and finals. After qualifying in all of them, you become a Chartered Accountant which is one of the highest and most powerful positions in accounting and finance. And most commerce students in India aim for being a CA. It takes on average about 5-7 years to become a CA(might be less due to recent changes).

So I wanted to give this a shot. But my bipolar affective disorder and anxiety shot through the roof and stress came. I was weak in academics and I found CA studies difficult. But mostly because of my inability to study for more than a few hours daily.

Well after writing this what I want to tell you is-

Be grateful for what you have.

Maybe you are struggling with mental health issues. Maybe you can’t do some things because your mind causes problems. Maybe you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Depression or Anxiety or you struggle with severely negative thoughts.

You are not alone.

Some people are lucky to have everything and be normal.

Some people are lucky to have a healthy mind, a healthy body, a great family, and a great partner.

And then in my case, some people are lucky to be able to focus, study long hours, go to coaching classes, attend classes online, ask doubts without feeling sick in the stomach, etc.

Some people forget to be grateful  about these things.

Even I take my family, my life, my friends, my intellect, my writing skills, my creativity, my technical savviness,etc. for granted sometimes.

So be grateful for what you have even if it looks less in quantity than other peoples’ shares.

Trust me when I say, “God has better plans for you than you can even imagine, plans that you don’t yet see.”

So when the person on the call asked me “You were finding CA Foundation difficult?”, I didn’t want to say anything because she won’t understand.

Unless one goes through the same painful circumstances, one won’t understand you.

I don’t blame anyone. I am a good and worthwhile person and I know my worth.

Maybe I am not the best at something. Maybe I am not super hardworking.

Maybe I can’t study for 7 hours daily for CA Foundation. Maybe I can’t deal with the stress that others find quite manageable. Maybe I can’t score 90% marks in most exams.

But I have a good heart. I am scoring 70-75%. I am studying for 2 hours daily.

And personally I am fighting every day. I am fighting nature, I am fighting my BPAD and social anxiety. I am slowly moving forward.

I am not answerable to anyone about why I am not scoring 90%. Or why I am not a “successful” person.

Thank you for reading!

Why My Blog, Hope With Anirban, Exists

On February 7th, 2022, an anxious man discovered the power of hope. He realized that embracing mistakes can prevent regret, inspiring him to create his blog, “Hope With Anirban, Mistakes To Stop Regret.” The blog aims to support those facing mental health issues by sharing personal stories and fostering hope.

Let me tell you a story.

On February 7th 2022, when the entire universe was expanding as it was, and people were going about their business, a man who was feeling anxious about everything while spending the entire day at home, thought to himself, “What if?”

“What if…?”

These are the words that belong to not that man but something much greater than himself.

These were the words of HOPE.

Hope is what moves us.

It’s what wakes us up every morning even though we see no way if we think logically.

The man thought, “What if I can overcome my fear of making mistakes? What if I want to live life and have no regrets?”

“What if I intentionally make MISTAKES TO STOP REGRET?”

I still remember I stole this idea from that anxious man who is very close to my heart, in fact he is me.

And I put that idea on the tagline of my blog:

Hope With Anirban, Mistakes To Stop Regret.

It means we must not be afraid to make mistakes. And no one ever regretted making mistakes. People regret about not doing stuff, not about doing them wrong.

And that’s why my blog exists. I want to help people with mental health issues overcome them.

I want to give people hope by sharing my and other people’s stories.

And this gives me joy.

Thanks for reading this post.

People

The author expresses a profound fear of people stemming from social anxiety, which severely restricts their daily activities. They believe that falling in love with a pursuit could help them confront this fear, though past experiences with rejection have made it challenging. Despite their anxiety, they remain hopeful for improvement.

Daily writing prompt
What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?
View all responses

What am I scared of the most?

I am scared of people.

But I am scared of them a lot. Because I have social anxiety.

I am scared of people.

I don’t go out much because I am scared of people.

I don’t do it intentionally. It is too severe in me.

What would it take to get me to face my social anxiety?

I think love.

If I fall in love with an endeavor that compels me to face social anxiety, I will face it.

It doesn’t have to be a person with whom I fall in love. It could be a vision, a task, a hobby, a business idea, a plan, etc.

I have fallen in love before, with business ideas, with tasks, hobbies, plans. But I guess the fear keeps coming back.

I am scared of rejection. Because I am afraid to be myself in front of people.

Conclusion

I hope things get better.

Thank you for reading this short blog post. Let me know what you think and please like, share and follow my blog.

What I Learnt From Psychosis

In 2017, I faced a challenging journey through psychosis, filled with confusion and intense experiences. However, this struggle taught me valuable lessons in humility, the importance of grounding oneself in science, and trusting mental health professionals. Ultimately, I emerged grateful for the growth and self-belief I gained from this experience.

When I was 17, I had a psychotic episode. Or more precisely one major psychotic episode and many mania episodes spread around the months of the year 2017.

So 2017 wasn’t really a happy year for me.

So before I jump into what lessons I learnt, I want to give you a brief explanation of my experience.

Brief History of My Psychosis

Here are the things I experienced-

  1. I suspected that everyone wanted to kill me.
  2. I thought I was God (literally).
  3. I thought I was in an alternate reality where I could do anything I wanted and no one would hold me accountable.
  4. I thought I would write in a journal and if I scribbled over it, it would become real.
  5. I thought I was channeling some spirits by writing in a journal.
  6. I even thought I was doing automatic writing (actually).
  7. I would notice something and associate it with synchronicities. (For example, if I thought a negative thought and the dog outside barked at that moment, I thought it was God telling me to stop thinking that thought).
  8. Things would happen to rescue me from difficult situations and I noticed them instantly like someone playing a soothing music that would make me feel calm.
  9. When I closed my eyes, I would think I have no thoughts. I would be afraid to close my eyes because it was just too empty inside my mind(thoughtless).
  10. I also couldn’t sleep at night (insomnia).

The Actual Learnings

Here are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience-

  1. Humility
    I learnt that what the scriptures say that “Aham Brahmasmi” (You are that), it’s not literally true in the gross sense of the word “ego” or “I”.

    When we say I am God, we don’t mean that the person that you are is God. We mean… well I don’t know. But we shouldn’t take it literally.

    If you don’t know the truth, you need to stay humble and admit that you don’t know everything.
  2. Belief In Science
    I learnt to ground myself in science. I know spiritual beliefs sound cool. But they are not practical.

    Automatic writing may be real, but there may not be spirits or souls to channel or do automatic writing with.

    There’s always a scientific explanation.
  3. Coincidences are real
    There are coincidences and those may be planned by God. But there may not be any synchronicities.

    It means if something happens and if you superstitiously believe something else like someone’s photo frame falling from the wall and breaking doesn’t mean that their life is in danger.
  4. Trust Psychiatry and Psychology
    These two fields: psychiatry and psychology, are a Godsend for people like me.

    They help you heal from the inside.

    And if only you take the medications regularly and go to therapy regularly, then you can improve your mental health.
  5. Belief in Myself
    I learnt self-belief without thinking that I am omnipotent.

    Swami Vivekananda said that he who doesn’t believe in God is not an atheist, he who doesn’t believe in himself is an atheist.

    I believe in myself. I believe in Anirban(me).

Conclusion

These are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience in 2017.

If my psychosis hadn’t happened I would still be more superstitious than I am today. I am grateful for my psychosis.

I am way more scientific minded now because of my negative experiences with psychosis.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you like this blog post, please like, comment and share with your friends and family members.