When I was depressed and mentally ill, I went to probably 5 different psychotherapists.
Each of them has a different way of doing therapy(psychotherapy). And most of them did not have any impact on my mental health.
It was only when I found my current therapist that I feel like my mental health is getting better.
I’ll not name anyone, but I’d explain why this phenomenon of most therapy not working occurs.
I’ll not speak about different methods of therapy because I don’t know about them. I’ll write about my understanding and my beliefs.
I think the calmness and thoughtfulness of my current therapist motivate me to get better. I respect my therapist because of it.
And I think this motivation and respect also come from the intuitive understanding and belief that my therapist embodies what he says. That he walks his talk.
Most of the time, other therapists give us advice, but they don’t follow that advice. They are not happy with their lives themselves.
I don’t and can’t respect them because of some reason. Maybe because they don’t set an example for the person, they want me to be.
I think this is very important for even people of other professions- to walk their talk, be who you want others to be first, embody your truth, etc. This is a basic leadership skill.
Every therapist, life coach, and consultant is a leader who leads the clients, and patients from darkness to light. And if the therapists don’t inspire change in the patient by setting an example, then the relationship between the patient and therapist won’t work.
But what you need to do to overcome social anxiety, depression or any other mental illness is to follow your therapist’s advice even though your therapist may not be a good leader.
Just don’t keep changing therapists because you feel like they are not good leaders.
Also, the content of the advice is of little significance from my experience. The relationship between the therapist and the patient is more important than the content of the advice.
I mean who really listens or pays attention in therapy except for the therapist when there is no respect from the patient. Every word of advice goes to one ear and out from another ear of the patient or is entirely ignored by the patient.
Although when the relationship gets stronger and the patient finally respects the therapist, the patient will listen to his advice.
But until then it’s only the inspiration that comes from walking the talk on the therapist’s part that works for the patient.
So, the therapist works to the degree of the personal development of the therapist as a leader and a person who walks his talk.
Therapy is useful. And it is important.
And therapy has helped me feel understood amidst all the medication and psychological tests. I have felt better because of therapy. It has given me a safe space to speak about my feelings. It has helped me persevere during hard times.
I remember there was a psychologist at NIMHANS, Bangalore who was very polite and kind to me. I never forget her kindness. She always saw the good in me.
So go to your therapist or find a therapist near you and get therapy because it is important.
Disclaimer: The information on this page is not medical advice. Anirban Saren is not a medical professional or a doctor or a psychotherapist.