My goal in this blog post is to make you believe that there is hope out of suicidal ideations, depression or any other mental illnesses in your life.
I remember it started 2 years ago. Before that, I had been suffering from bipolar disorder since 2015 and I had serious social anxiety.
In 2018 I somehow passed class 12 with below-average marks and I dropped from 2 colleges in the span of 2 years. And in 2021 I was studying at an online college.
Between 2017 to 2018 I had 3 psychotic episodes and although I didn’t share this in my previous blog post, in 2017, I attempted suicide and I had to go to Bangalore for treatment. I also started taking prescription medication for bipolar disorder since then.
All this kind of made me doubt myself and I felt lost and confused. I remember I would say to my mom about my confusion and my suicidal ideations.
Although I didn’t take action on those thoughts, I remember days when I would play sad songs and stay up till 3 am.
I remember in those moments the only hope for me was my mom. She gave me strength and hope. She made me who I am.
I remember I started doing certain things-
- I started believing in the existence of hope(goodness, truth, real beauty, God)
- I took psychotherapy more seriously and took regular medications
- I started with small habits
- I started to read books on mental health
I also went to an astrologer, which I have faith that it helped. I also did reiki healing on myself earlier which also helped me.
What kept me going? What is hope to me?
Hope kept me going.
Hope is when I feel anxious to do something and I am unable to overcome the fear but something happens- a change of mind, a possibility in my mind opens because of someone or something inside or outside me and I am able to overcome the anxiety.
Hope is goodness, truth, real beauty, inspiration, a forgotten dream resurfacing, God, etc.
It isn’t something we can control, but we can surrender to it and let it wash over us.
And what I want to convey to you through this blog post is that hope exists.
Live life for yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your future contributions to others, helping others etc.
I was listening to a podcast called “hope is real” by Jazz Thornton with Kevin Hines. Kevin Hines is someone who survived a suicide attempt by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge. And he told his story of how a sea lion kept him floating on the water’s surface when he jumped.
What I learnt from the episode was “Asking for help makes you wise” not a failure. Maybe the words are slightly different but it’s what I remember is said by Jazz Thornton.
Ask for help, see a therapist, take medication, do what you are passionate about, etc. Don’t give up.
Every day I am fighting and I still get these ideations sometimes but I can handle them with the help of my therapist and doctors.
Believe that there’s hope for you. You matter. Your existence matters.
You can overcome suicidal ideations.
Thank you for reading this crucial blog post. If you liked it then please share it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and other social media platforms. Also, comment on what you think of this blog post.
Disclaimer- I am not a psychologist or a doctor. This blog post is purely from my personal experience. I don’t provide medical advice. If you have mental health issues then please seek the help of a medical professional.