Tag: mom

My Hardest Decision: Overcoming Anxiety To Pass My Exams

Daily writing prompt
What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?
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The hardest decision that I ever made was to trust my parents when they forced me to take the class 12th board exams despite my mental illness.

I had been mentally ill in 2017. And I was admitted to NIMHANS(National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences), Bangalore for 2-3 months and came back to Howrah.

And I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed or take a bath properly.

Plus I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder(BPAD).

And I think it was one of those days when my parents were really worried about me.

So they forced me to take the practicals and board exams of class 12.

I remember when our car reached the school I was feeling very scared. I thought that I couldn’t take the practicals. And yet my parents forced me to go to school and take them.

I performed pretty badly but passed. And I remember I couldn’t answer some of the viva questions.

And in the board exams I performed okay.

I passed my class 12th board exams in 2018 without dropping any year.

And for this I am grateful to my parents.

If they hadn’t forced me to take the exams I wouldn’t be here completing my MBA graduation.

If they hadn’t been there for me, I might have dropped out of school. But it was because of them that I was able to take the exams and pass out of school.

So this was my hardest decision I’d even had to make. To trust someone else more than how much I trusted myself.

Thank you for reading this line. It means a lot.

Fear is meant to be overcome

I overcame my fear of going out.

I travelled to another state within India today.

Although my mother was with me, I kind of guided her throughout the journey.

I felt very anxious and I was chanting the Hare Krishna Maha Mantra throughout the journey.

That helped me a lot.

I guided my mother by telling her to cross check any directions she got from strangers. And we saved ourselves from getting lost.

Google maps saved us. My strong English speaking skills also saved us.

I realised that I am more capable than how little capable I thought I was.

We met a few extremely kind and helpful people who helped us reach our destination.

My sister’s advice and phone calls also helped me a lot. She is really a positive force of nature.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!

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What’s confidence? – An Original Poem

Daily writing prompt
Who is the most confident person you know?
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What’s confidence?

What’s confidence?
To be humble, yet fiercely brave
To be reasonable, understanding of your enemy’s pain
To not be violent, but argue peacefully.

What’s confidence?
It’s not about speaking in a charismatic way
It’s not about lying so subtly
It’s not about manipulating to get your own way.

What’s confidence?
To be honest about your needs
To draw healthy boundaries
To respect yourself.

What’s confidence?
It’s not something to show others
It’s how you feel about yourself
It’s about your values.

-Anirban Saren

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If I had to say who the most confident person I know is, it would be-

Not one person, but all kinds of people who share value of humanity.

And guess what everyone can be a confident and good human beings.

But if I had to say one person’s name- my mother.

She is the most confident person I know.

Thank you my dear followers/readers/writers.

Honestly I get social anxiety in the comments sections of some of your posts. Y’all know so much more than me and I feel like if I comment, I’ll look like a fool. But I will try to comment more.

Writing, music, and my mom

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I write poems and listen to sad songs(when I’m sad) to cope with negative feelings.

Honesty my repository of activities to do when feeling negative feelings is pretty small.

When I say negative feelings, I mean anger, hopelessness, sadness, apathy, fear, shame, etc.

Emotions

Here’s what I do when I feel these emotions –

Anger–

First I remember the words of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa who said ” যে সয় সে রয়, যে না সয় তার নাশ হয়।” It means in English,”He who tolerates, is able to withstand, He who does not tolerate, gets destroyed.”

Then I stay away from the person I am angry with.

Then I start listening to sad songs and writing.

Hopelessness–

When I feel hopeless, my mother is my savior. She talks to me all the time.

My mother (মা), maa, is my best friend.

Writing doesn’t help in this department. Nor does sad songs.

Sadness–

I listen to sad songs. I guess I write only poems when I feel sad.

Apathy–

Apathy means not feeling like doing anything or “indifference”.

In these case, I ask myself,”What am I interested in learning/doing now?”

Usually it’s some computer skills unrelated to my academic studies.

But it gets me out of my negative feelings.

Fear–

I call my mom because I have no friends.

No sad songs or writing helps though.

Shame–

Shame, self-hatred, etc. are horrible feelings which I feel when visiting some of my relatives’ places.

It’s truly horrible.

They make me feel like I better hide under a rock and disappear for the next 20 years.

They compare me to my cousins and uncles.

They say things that has utter insensitivity to my mental health issues. They don’t understand and they don’t want to understand mental illnesses. Period.

I don’t visit them much. That’s how I cope with shame.

Conclusion

So that’s a lot of combinations of- writing,music and my mom.

I hope I never outgrow these three gifts of my life. May I always love writing, music and my mom (মা).

Well this script is Bengali, our local Indian language in Kolkata, India.

Thanks for reading!

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