hope Archives - Hope With Anirban

Ishq! Ishq! Ishq!!! (Love! Love! Love!!!)

The author writes about a poetry show he and his sister went to see the previous day. It was quite an unique and a great experience.

I just can’t get yesterday evening’s “Ishq Hai” poetry show by Priya Malik out of my head.

Story Time: Ishq Hai

So yesterday my sister and I went to HSR Layout in Bangalore to attend a poetry show by Priya Malik that we booked on bookmyshow.

A group photo with Priya Malik(3rd from the left) and Tanmay(4th from the left)

And it was a good decision. In fact it was a great decision.

I still can’t forget that experience.

The show wasn’t just about “Ishq” or love, but it was about the subtleties of love.

How “pyaar” is different from “ibadaat” and how there are 7 levels of love and how the former six are different from “Ishq”, which is the seventh level.

And I realized yesterday that I have only ever had infatuations and that I had never felt “Ishq” for anyone.

It made me feel quite hopeful instead of sad.

At least now I know where I stand.

I also love the story of her life, the story of her and her mother.

How she would say “kuch nahi” when her mother asked her about her day. And how that changed. (don’t want to spoil too much for future audience members)

Priya Malik said that it is the distance from and absence of a thing or a person that makes us realize their value. I don’t remember the exact words though.

But I think these positive feelings of bliss and gratitude will last for days. And that’s also great for my mental health.

Why I Attended The Show

So my sister and I went to the show yesterday after my sister’s duty at NIMHANS.

At first I was hesitant but then I thought “What the hell! Let’s try something new.”

Because generally I go to music concerts and action movie screenings. But this was the first time I went to a poetry show on “Ishq Hai” which is an emotional experience.

There’s nothing to think or analyze like I do with my data analysis career.

All you have to do is open your heart and feel.

Yes! That plain old “feeling” in this age of AI.

And after watching the show we had dinner at Leon’s Burger.

Then we returned to our rented place.

So yeah yesterday evening was filled with blissful thoughts and intense feelings.

And I’d never want to forget yesterday evening even if the photos get lost.

Also Priya Malik did a “meet and greet” and we got her autographs and clicked a group photo.

Conclusion

And yeah! That was quite something!!!

One thing I learnt from this experience is that everything happens for its own good. There’s nothing to worry about.

God is there and things will happen at the right time.

All we need to do is surrender to God!

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

Need: A Different Way To Hope

Sometimes we need to do something because there’s no other option but to survive. The author writes about that.

I NEED-

to write in the morning so that I can wake up and also because I like writing,
to follow a routine so that I can avoid feeling bored,
to get out of bed in the morning so that I can close the door when my mother leaves for work,
to stay awake during the day so that I can take medicine on time to get better,
to take a bath daily so that I feel better mentally and physically,
to study daily so that I can get a job soon,
to sleep on time daily so that I can wake up the next day,
to keep going so that I can live.

Most things we do have aspects of pain and pleasure attached to them.

And that’s really important for motivating us.

If we don’t do those things then there will be consequences.

And I think that’s necessary.

If there are no consequences in life, we wouldn’t get up and do work.

Today when I woke up I was getting negative thoughts about the future.

But in a way those were good. They helped me understand the importance of urgency and doing my work as soon as possible.

In ancient Stoic Philosophy, this was called negative visualization. It’s really helpful.

But the fact that we do what we need to do is a powerful concept.

In life we need to do things which are difficult even if we don’t want to do them.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

My Hardest Decision: Overcoming Anxiety To Pass My Exams

Daily writing prompt

What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make? Why?

View all responses

The hardest decision that I ever made was to trust my parents when they forced me to take the class 12th board exams despite my mental illness.

I had been mentally ill in 2017. And I was admitted to NIMHANS(National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences), Bangalore for 2-3 months and came back to Howrah.

And I was so depressed that I couldn’t get out of bed or take a bath properly.

Plus I was diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder(BPAD).

And I think it was one of those days when my parents were really worried about me.

So they forced me to take the practicals and board exams of class 12.

I remember when our car reached the school I was feeling very scared. I thought that I couldn’t take the practicals. And yet my parents forced me to go to school and take them.

I performed pretty badly but passed. And I remember I couldn’t answer some of the viva questions.

And in the board exams I performed okay.

I passed my class 12th board exams in 2018 without dropping any year.

And for this I am grateful to my parents.

If they hadn’t forced me to take the exams I wouldn’t be here completing my MBA graduation.

If they hadn’t been there for me, I might have dropped out of school. But it was because of them that I was able to take the exams and pass out of school.

So this was my hardest decision I’d even had to make. To trust someone else more than how much I trusted myself.

Thank you for reading this line. It means a lot.

What Is Hope To Me? (Warning: Sensitive Mental Health Story)

Hope to me is an angelic force that knows when I need answers most, when I need to learn a lesson, when I need to suffer, when I need to realise the truth about a situation and when the right time comes I need to surrender.

Story

I remember after my major psychotic episode in 2017, I was taken to the hospital. And I was so scared. I thought strange thoughts and was so scared.

When the doctor came, he asked something which I don’t remember. But I said, “I love you”.

The doctor smiled and said something like “You love me?”

Then I forgot what happened. My parents visited me and I was relieved.

Later the hospital referred me to NIMHANS, Bangalore.

I had no hope except my belief that there’s something higher in existence that is most true and divine.

So I said,” I love you” to the doctor. Not because he was beautiful or something else. But because I was scared. I was so scared of myself, so scared of my thoughts and I had no confidence in myself during my psychotic episode. I had to believe in that invisible higher truth/force which most probably is the expression of the words ”I love you”.

Love is, in my opinion, one of the closest expressions of truth.

Maybe I said it because I was scared. But that’s what I felt would keep me sane.

And I was referred to NIMHANS, where they treated me further and I made many new friends.

Slowly things got better.

And things are much better now. I haven’t had to go through psychosis since 2017 and I am well on my way to graduating college and finding work.

Conclusion

I think things are never bad indefinitely. Life gets better. There’s hope. And there’s family, friends, work, truth, etc.

As the famous proverb says- This Too Shall Pass. I too say “This Too Shall Pass”.

Thank you for reading this blog post on what is hope to me. Please comment, what is hope to you in a few words?