Tag: pain

Need: A Different Way To Hope

Sometimes we need to do something because there’s no other option but to survive. The author writes about that.

I NEED-

  • to write in the morning so that I can wake up and also because I like writing,
  • to follow a routine so that I can avoid feeling bored,
  • to get out of bed in the morning so that I can close the door when my mother leaves for work,
  • to stay awake during the day so that I can take medicine on time to get better,
  • to take a bath daily so that I feel better mentally and physically,
  • to study daily so that I can get a job soon,
  • to sleep on time daily so that I can wake up the next day,
  • to keep going so that I can live.

Most things we do have aspects of pain and pleasure attached to them.

And that’s really important for motivating us.

If we don’t do those things then there will be consequences.

And I think that’s necessary. 

If there are no consequences in life, we wouldn’t get up and do work.

Today when I woke up I was getting negative thoughts about the future.

But in a way those were good. They helped me understand the importance of urgency and doing my work as soon as possible.

In ancient Stoic Philosophy, this was called negative visualization. It’s really helpful.

But the fact that we do what we need to do is a powerful concept.

In life we need to do things which are difficult even if we don’t want to do them.

Thank you for reading this line! It means a lot.

I wish

I wish I had the courage to tell her

That I think about her

That I care for her

That I don’t want to lose her

–

I wish I had the intelligence to understand her

To feel her pain

To let her make mistakes but

To let me feel her pain

–

I wish I was closer to her

To protect her

To be by her side

Even when she didn’t want me

–

I wish I could be someone she prefers

Someone she thinks is handsome

And be hot and cool

And everything she adores

–

I wish I could tell her

That I love her

That I just want her soul

That I just want to be there for her.

–

Anirban Saren

Pain is the greatest motivator

I’ve met and known people in my life who did great things not because they could do it but because they had to do it.

But why is that the case? Why is pain the greatest motivator instead of pleasure?

Business

All my life I wanted to start a business.

And I did start a business after high school.

But I had to close it because of my unique circumstances.

But I wasn’t doing well in that business when I ran it.

I lacked motivation and I was lazy.

I started the business because I was scared of my responsibility for studying for graduation.

At that time I was thinking about dropping from regular college and I hadn’t yet taken admission in an online degree course.

And I was lost.

Long story short, I closed that business because of my unique circumstances.

Mostly because I felt anxious about running the business.

Graduation

But then after I closed the business I had to study for graduation.

After a lot of listening to sad songs and realistic advice from YouTube, I studied for my graduation and graduated with a Bachelor’s of Business Administration degree.

It was at this time I felt my beliefs about the world were becoming more realistic and my mind was getting calmer.

Beliefs like “A degree is just a piece of paper” just went out the window and I realised that a degree is “more valuable than a million dollars”.

Beliefs like “psychologists don’t know anything” was replaced by “psychologists are trained professionals who know what they are doing. Their advice is backed by scientific research.”

I score 70% in my graduation which is good. (I am proud of myself no matter what because I had BPAD and I did it in spite of that.)

And this success in my graduation was not fueled by avoidance but pain.

Conclusion

If I didn’t graduate from college, I can’t get even the most basic corporate job.

Without a job there’s no income because business is not easy for most people.

I guess most of the startups fail within the first few years.

And I am not from a rich family.

This realisation was painful and I would sleep for hours during the day but one day I realised that I need to fight for my highest possibility.

And so I did. And with God’s grace I won.

So actually there is no pleasure or pain in reality. They are just perceptions of the mind.

And sometimes the truth is painful.

I guess I don’t know the scientific reason why pain is more powerful than pleasure. I guess you can tell me in the comments section.

But I hope my story shed some light on this question.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!

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Writing, music, and my mom

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I write poems and listen to sad songs(when I’m sad) to cope with negative feelings.

Honesty my repository of activities to do when feeling negative feelings is pretty small.

When I say negative feelings, I mean anger, hopelessness, sadness, apathy, fear, shame, etc.

Emotions

Here’s what I do when I feel these emotions –

Anger–

First I remember the words of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa who said ” যে সয় সে রয়, যে না সয় তার নাশ হয়।” It means in English,”He who tolerates, is able to withstand, He who does not tolerate, gets destroyed.”

Then I stay away from the person I am angry with.

Then I start listening to sad songs and writing.

Hopelessness–

When I feel hopeless, my mother is my savior. She talks to me all the time.

My mother (মা), maa, is my best friend.

Writing doesn’t help in this department. Nor does sad songs.

Sadness–

I listen to sad songs. I guess I write only poems when I feel sad.

Apathy–

Apathy means not feeling like doing anything or “indifference”.

In these case, I ask myself,”What am I interested in learning/doing now?”

Usually it’s some computer skills unrelated to my academic studies.

But it gets me out of my negative feelings.

Fear–

I call my mom because I have no friends.

No sad songs or writing helps though.

Shame–

Shame, self-hatred, etc. are horrible feelings which I feel when visiting some of my relatives’ places.

It’s truly horrible.

They make me feel like I better hide under a rock and disappear for the next 20 years.

They compare me to my cousins and uncles.

They say things that has utter insensitivity to my mental health issues. They don’t understand and they don’t want to understand mental illnesses. Period.

I don’t visit them much. That’s how I cope with shame.

Conclusion

So that’s a lot of combinations of- writing,music and my mom.

I hope I never outgrow these three gifts of my life. May I always love writing, music and my mom (মা).

Well this script is Bengali, our local Indian language in Kolkata, India.

Thanks for reading!

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Pleasure is not bad.

I was listening to this.

And I feel literally enchanted.

I cook sometimes at home and I notice that ingredients like garlic require preparation like peeling off the outer layers, and then grinding it. 

I always wondered why we care about something so unnecessary as garlic and onions when we can always eat food without them.

But my mom reminds me that it improves the taste of the food.

So I wonder why taste is necessary. Living an ascetic life is more aligned with spirituality.

But then I recall the fact that everything in moderation is necessary.

In life we must enjoy it in moderation. Neither be an ascetic person nor an addict.

In the above video Diljit Dosanjh and Ed Sheeran sing together and it sounds magical. I am literally enchanted.

This is what makes life beautiful.

Pleasure is not bad. Pain is not bad.

Both are necessary in moderation.

Balance is key here.

Happiness is the goal of life.