Tag: writing

Uncertainty for a job

The author is writing about his dilemma of whether he should looking for a job or do something else all the while not looking for a job.

I am looking for a job.

And I feel like I’m fighting myself more than I’m struggling to get a job interview.

So I apply for the job and sometimes I don’t receive the call from the Human Resources executive. 

Then if I end up appearing for the group discussion, I skip the interview. 

And I am back to being jobless.

And if you’re confused as to what I’m blabbering about, I mean to convey to you that I’m scared of the interview.

I’ll work on overcoming this fear, but I’m not nearly as scared of the interview as I am of my sense of uncertainty.

Uncertainty as to if I should even work for someone else rather than starting a business or make writing my business. 

Uncertainty as to if I should get a private job or a government job.

Uncertainty as to if I should work in people facing roles or the back office.

This is what’s been happening in my life lately.

I was avoiding writing because I was giving myself excuses like “It’s only a hobby”.

I still don’t know what to do. 

And I’m sure many people in my country, India and the world think similarly about their careers.

And yes the uncertainty is strong. And I feel very uneasy. 

A lot of things have been postponed because I’m waiting for a way to make a decision.

A decision as to what I should do.

If you ask me, why aren’t you able to get a job, I’d say “I am confused if I should do a job or a business.”

So I’m kind of stuck in my mind being unable to decide. 

And it’s not like I’m appearing for lots of interviews and am getting rejected.

I’m not even applying. 

So yeah, I hope I get out of this mess.

Thanks for reading this line. It means a lot!

I’m pretty average at most things but I love them

On what subject(s) are you an authority?

I am not an authority on anything. But I love many things.

I love …

  • Playing badminton
  • Singing
  • Writing

But I’m average at them.

And the funniest part is I don’t even intend to make them into a career.

But I love them regardless.

I’ve been admitted to NIMHANS for the last 2 months and I have learnt many things about myself.

And I got many compliments for my singing and badminton skills.

And I think I might continue doing them.

Other than that I have a career to look after which is in data science.

I’m also average in data science.

I feel like I need to focus on one thing.

But I also feel like I have no sense of direction or clarity.

I don’t know where life will lead me.

But I … I’m confused I guess.

Anyways thanks for reading this sentence. It means a lot.

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I’d write for free

What job would you do for free?

I honestly am very lazy. So I need external motivation like money for doing anything.

But the one thing I would do even if I’m not paid for is writing.

And that writing should be on my terms.

I don’t need a boss for writing for free. I don’t need a salary.

So yes I would write for free but only if it’s not a job.

I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!

All Is Vanity – Sab E Maya

Daily writing prompt
What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?
View all responses

I want a tattoo that says “All Is Vanity” and I would put it on my right arm.

Christina Grimmie

I would do this because I’m inspired by my favorite singer, Christina Grimmie.

She had a tattoo exactly like this and I want to remember her every day through this tattoo.

She loved Jesus and she cared for her fans(or “frands” as she called us).

We had a ritual. Instead of saying “Team Grimmie Rocks” she would say “Team Grimmie Rawwks \|/”.

But in June 2016, she was murdered and we lost an angel.

She was a good person, she achieved quite a bit of success with over 3 million subscribers on YouTube and success in “The Voice” TV music show.

But God took her back.

In these moments we start to question “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

But the truth is we must trust God’s plan. God’s plan is greater than our plans. This was said in Christina’s Memorial Service as on YouTube.

But we still have her music and we must share it. So I’m sharing it with you.

Please subscribe to her YouTube channel.

https://www.youtube.com/@christinagrimmie

I believe listening to Christina’s music will help most people find inner strength to fight life’s challenges and find hope.

My Understanding

Other than that, from my humble perspective the meaning of the tattoo is beautiful.

I’m not a deeply religious person, but I care about God and love God.

I believe that serving mankind is serving God. God lives in each one of us.

So if we serve others, we are serving God indirectly or rather more directly than praying in a temple or a church.

But from the context of this tattoo “All Is Vanity”, I know a term “Maya”.

In India we say “Sab e maya”. “All is illusory”.

Maya means illusion in the most basic sense.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I understand that God is the ultimate reality.

Whether you call it God, or Brahman, or Paramatman, it doesn’t matter.

There is this realization. I don’t know what this realization is.

But it is the realization that changes everything.

This realization is the realization of the Truth, God, the Ultimate Reality,etc.

And all the temporary achievements we have and all the attachments and desires are all maya, an illusion.

Conclusion

I’m glad that you are reading this line. Thanks a lot!

Writing, music, and my mom

What strategies do you use to cope with negative feelings?

I write poems and listen to sad songs(when I’m sad) to cope with negative feelings.

Honesty my repository of activities to do when feeling negative feelings is pretty small.

When I say negative feelings, I mean anger, hopelessness, sadness, apathy, fear, shame, etc.

Emotions

Here’s what I do when I feel these emotions –

Anger–

First I remember the words of Sri Ramakrishna Paramahansa who said ” যে সয় সে রয়, যে না সয় তার নাশ হয়।” It means in English,”He who tolerates, is able to withstand, He who does not tolerate, gets destroyed.”

Then I stay away from the person I am angry with.

Then I start listening to sad songs and writing.

Hopelessness–

When I feel hopeless, my mother is my savior. She talks to me all the time.

My mother (মা), maa, is my best friend.

Writing doesn’t help in this department. Nor does sad songs.

Sadness–

I listen to sad songs. I guess I write only poems when I feel sad.

Apathy–

Apathy means not feeling like doing anything or “indifference”.

In these case, I ask myself,”What am I interested in learning/doing now?”

Usually it’s some computer skills unrelated to my academic studies.

But it gets me out of my negative feelings.

Fear–

I call my mom because I have no friends.

No sad songs or writing helps though.

Shame–

Shame, self-hatred, etc. are horrible feelings which I feel when visiting some of my relatives’ places.

It’s truly horrible.

They make me feel like I better hide under a rock and disappear for the next 20 years.

They compare me to my cousins and uncles.

They say things that has utter insensitivity to my mental health issues. They don’t understand and they don’t want to understand mental illnesses. Period.

I don’t visit them much. That’s how I cope with shame.

Conclusion

So that’s a lot of combinations of- writing,music and my mom.

I hope I never outgrow these three gifts of my life. May I always love writing, music and my mom (মা).

Well this script is Bengali, our local Indian language in Kolkata, India.

Thanks for reading!

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Believe in yourself

The author reflects on personal experiences highlighting the significance of self-belief. They recount two pivotal moments: evading parental authority at 14 and facing academic failure at 15. Through therapy and self-reflection, they learned that negative self-talk undermined their confidence. Ultimately, the message emphasizes the vital role of believing in oneself for happiness and personal growth.

Why should you believe in yourself?

To answer this questions let me tell you two stories.

First Story

When I was 14 years old(class 10), one evening I took a bus from my town to Dharmatala(Kolkata, India) to eat a certain food dish. I did this without my parent’s permission and also I skipped my private tutor’s class.

I returned home late at night without being able to find that food dish.

But my parents were very worried.

They called up my private tutor and the tutor told my parents that I hadn’t come to attend the class.

When I came home, I told my parents the truth and nothing happened. They said nothing.

Second Story

Fast forward to when I was 15 years old(class 11) next year, I failed in my final term exams. And got detained in class 11.

The reason I failed was because I couldn’t make myself study science. I hated those subjects.

And also I couldn’t overcome my mood swings.

But I didn’t have these insights at that time. I thought I wasn’t able to study because something was wrong with me.

Plus I was playing video games all day.

As a result to find what was wrong with me, I started watching self-help videos on YouTube and reading self-help books like “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, “Mastery” by George Leonard,etc.

They were good books but they didn’t work for me. I applied their techniques for a few days but then gave up.

What fixed my problems was being treated by a psychiatrist and a psychologist.

But there’s also another perspective to this.

And that is…

I didn’t believe in myself.

Another Perspective

Maybe in class 10, I was better off because I had the confidence in myself, but I somehow lost that confidence in myself in class 11. And I became dependent on self-help techniques.

Maybe all my life I believed in something other than myself.

It is only recently at the age of 25 I realised that my self-talk is so negative. I am so harsh on myself all the time.

I need to believe in myself.

Why should you believe in yourself?

  • Because you will feel better about yourself.
  • Because you will be happier.
  • Because you will have a healthy mind.
  • Because you will be able to take better decisions.
  • Because you will be able to take better responsibility for your circumstances and mistakes.
  • Because you will be in control of your negative and positive self-talk.
  • Be less manipulated by others.
  • Be more authentic.

And so much more.

Conclusion

Believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself.

In my short life I have realised the importance of believing in myself at the age of 25.

Life’s not easy. And maybe your life hasn’t been easy as well. We need to believe. Even if you don’t believe in God, believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself!

This is the core of what hope is.

Believe in yourself.

Thank you for reading this blog post.