Hope With Anirban

Falling In Love with Twitch Streamers

I have fallen in love with SuperCatKei and itsme_fruity. Both are from Singapore. I am grateful to have found them both. It’s so fun.

On 15th September I was casually browsing through Twitch and I came across a streamer who looked extremely devoted to her music.

I clicked on her. And there SuperCatKei was. It’s as if we were destined to meet.

No not exactly. But I feel in love with her cover of “Castle on the hill” by Ed Sheeran. And I subscribed. I am attending every stream even if it is for only a small period of time.

And then day before yesterday I met itsme_fruity. She is so funny. I love her personality.

Even though sometimes I feel stupid to ask questions about some discussion that’s going on, I am working on it despite my social anxiety.

I watched a horror movie ending after a long time on itsme_fruity’s discord channel. It was fun.

So that’s the thing, I attend their streams every day. And that’s awesome. It gives me hope.

Apart from that I am amazing. I feel like I am getting better.

An important observation I made about myself was that I get social anxiety even on Twitch. I was listening to the sample of an audiobook called “How to Be Yourself” by Ellen Hendriksen on audible.in and I noticed that Ellen Hendriksen said something like what I was thinking.

Ellen says something like how one feels like they don’t belong in society and feel like an outsider so much during social anxiety that they can’t express their feelings and words.

That’s exactly what happens with me. I remember every moment I feel like I was an outsider I felt more isolated even though everything was happening virtually.

And it’s a painful feeling. Everyone with social anxiety knows this.

So I think I should work on overcoming my social anxiety.

So much wisdom and insight from Twitch?!

Thanks for reading this blog post. I have a question for you. Do you have social anxiety and how do you deal with it?

A Special Blog Post for Making You Feel Good

So for the past weeks I have been through a strange mental journey of coming to a temporary conclusion of the belief that-“Life is hard”.

You may say, “Well of course life is hard.”

I am not questioning this strong fact. But let’s ask ourselves a simple question for the sake of curiosity and truth- “Does believing in the fact that life is hard make us do work where we can give a 100% of ourselves?”

Before answering the question, I would like to give you a brief background information.

I am in the process of healing from my mental health problems. I have severe social anxiety and a little bipolar disorder. For instance, I find it hard to go out of my home on a daily basis because I am afraid of interacting with people. And I have problems forcing myself to do anything because most of the time my mood dictates every action I take. It makes me feel crazy to do anything if I must use willpower to force motivation into my soul. Mind over body does not work for me consistently.

However, I can best do the things I have a strong emotionally powerful vision for or things that I am passionate about. The problem is my curiosity questions all the powerful visions and I am not passionate about something in the Steve Jobs style.

“You have to have a lot of passion for what you do… because if you don’t, any rational person would give up.”
Steve Jobs

Now, story time.

So nowadays I am staying at home most of the time partly because of anxiety and partly because I switched to an online Bachelor of Business Administration degree(I know most of my friends have graduated but I don’t compare myself to others).

And sometimes I get two of my cousin brothers (10year old’s) visiting our home during at noon time. They basically watch anime and only ask me if a certain movie is on hotstar or Netflix. I just tell them, and they do everything else. They are experts little 10year old’s. Right??

So, one day they were watching an anime that I watched season one of years ago. The anime’s name is Tokyo Ghoul.

As I watched it with them, I got interested.

In my free time I watched all the seasons of Tokyo Ghoul, and I was particularly inspired by a character in this anime.

His name is Hide (spelled Hye-Day). He is not the hero. He is the hero Kaneki’s best friend. In fact, we don’t see much of him in the anime. But his role in the ending of the anime is significant.

He is the person who is selfless, sacrificing, a true leader.

I don’t want to spoil the anime for you. You can watch Tokyo Ghoul on Netflix.

But I just wonder, what makes a person so determined and selfless. It’s certainly not in believing that life is hard that a person does selfless acts.

One can occasionally do hard things in life, but it takes extraordinary reason to do hard things consistently and becoming successful at it and “Life is hard” is not an extraordinary reason.

So I just started experimenting with different perspectives. First, I used the belief “Life is hard” to motivate myself to study more. I studied consistently for a week for a short amount of time. It was consistent. I chose this belief from observing people in my life. It’s their belief.

But the process of forcing myself was mentally taxing and exhausting. I was not happy.

Secondly, I resumed to my normal way of being and I read fiction novels and listened to my favorite songs.

I realized from all this that an inspiring future expectation creates passion. But it is not easy to have an inspiring future expectation that is also realistic.

So I am going to my career counselor for an appointment to help me pinpoint my post-graduate plans for me.

But to answer the question- “Does believing in the fact that life is hard make us do work where we can give a 100% of ourselves?”

The answer is NO!

I know life is hard. I also know this- life is beautiful. Beauty mesmerizes us and a beautiful future inspires all of us.

And it is not possible to give 100% of yourself or myself to the work unless you or I secretly love that work.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Also, I am not a mental health or career expert. I am Anirban, I am just an average person. This was a blog post about my realizations and story. If you like this post, then share it and comment what you want to comment. See you next time!

Consciousness Work As Your Permanent Solution

In mythology, astrology, and energy healing, the term mental health issues is not used. Maybe it’s because they were unaware of mental health in ancient times. And science was not advanced back then.

But we need to see that social media and the internet was not part of life back then as well, excess sugar consumption in fast foods was not there, and climate change, pollution, industrialization wasn’t present back then.

But the point I am trying to make is consciousness is still consciousness even if in ancient times it was much simpler, and now we are in the darker ages. Consciousness work is still relevant.

My life’s journey is to move from mental health issues to a more conscious life. And I think anything that takes me there is worth writing about.

I have attended a few online meditation workshops, met a few spiritual masters including Sri M and I have a desire to become more conscious.

You see taking medication and working in a 9-to-5 job is not enough. From mental health issues to becoming a value producing citizen of the world is not enough. We need to become conscious of ourselves.

We need to live a conscious life. A life of consciousness is a life of what is true for you and the universe.

Now it is an individual journey to discover what is true for you and the universe. I cannot give it to you nor can a spiritual teacher. It is yours to find out.

What I want to tell you is the answers to your life’s problems is in consciousness work. What does it mean?

It means to seek the truth. It means to change your life to prioritize truth more than money, pleasure, etc. It means to seek God in whatever form that resonates with you. It means to not sacrifice other parts of your life but prioritize consciousness first.

Mental health is an important part and I take medication and go to therapy. But I don’t want to be limited. I want to take responsibility for life and have a vision where consciousness is a big part because consciousness is one of my main values.

Maybe you don’t have mental health issues. Maybe you have money issues, or career issues, or family issues, or self-esteem issues or some other issue. But the solution is inside you only if you look consciously.

Of course medication and therapy is important for me to survive but I am telling you honestly that those are not long term solutions. Only if I look inside and when I do, I will find the permanent solution.

Even mythology, astrology and healing are not the permanent solutions. They are closer to the truth but they are not the absolute truth.

You need to find out what it is that is the absolute truth.

Resources to get started with:

[Book] “Shunya: A Novel” by Sri M
[Book] “Apprenticed to a Himalayan Master: A Yogi’s Autobiography” by Sri M
[Video] “Low Quality vs High Quality Consciousness” by Actualized.org https://youtu.be/Hg8JDHlkIrM
[Forum] Actualized.org Forum https://www.actualized.org/forum/

See you next time!

Hate Therapy? The Biggest Reason To Motivate Yourself For Therapy

When I was depressed and mentally ill, I went to probably 5 different psychotherapists.

Each of them has a different way of doing therapy(psychotherapy). And most of them did not have any impact on my mental health.

It was only when I found my current therapist that I feel like my mental health is getting better.

I’ll not name anyone, but I’d explain why this phenomenon of most therapy not working occurs.

I’ll not speak about different methods of therapy because I don’t know about them. I’ll write about my understanding and my beliefs.

I think the calmness and thoughtfulness of my current therapist motivate me to get better. I respect my therapist because of it.

And I think this motivation and respect also come from the intuitive understanding and belief that my therapist embodies what he says. That he walks his talk.

Most of the time, other therapists give us advice, but they don’t follow that advice. They are not happy with their lives themselves.

I don’t and can’t respect them because of some reason. Maybe because they don’t set an example for the person, they want me to be.

I think this is very important for even people of other professions- to walk their talk, be who you want others to be first, embody your truth, etc. This is a basic leadership skill.

Every therapist, life coach, and consultant is a leader who leads the clients, and patients from darkness to light. And if the therapists don’t inspire change in the patient by setting an example, then the relationship between the patient and therapist won’t work.

But what you need to do to overcome social anxiety, depression or any other mental illness is to follow your therapist’s advice even though your therapist may not be a good leader.

Just don’t keep changing therapists because you feel like they are not good leaders.

Also, the content of the advice is of little significance from my experience. The relationship between the therapist and the patient is more important than the content of the advice.

I mean who really listens or pays attention in therapy except for the therapist when there is no respect from the patient. Every word of advice goes to one ear and out from another ear of the patient or is entirely ignored by the patient.

Although when the relationship gets stronger and the patient finally respects the therapist, the patient will listen to his advice.

But until then it’s only the inspiration that comes from walking the talk on the therapist’s part that works for the patient.

So, the therapist works to the degree of the personal development of the therapist as a leader and a person who walks his talk.

Therapy is useful. And it is important.

And therapy has helped me feel understood amidst all the medication and psychological tests. I have felt better because of therapy. It has given me a safe space to speak about my feelings. It has helped me persevere during hard times.

I remember there was a psychologist at NIMHANS, Bangalore who was very polite and kind to me. I never forget her kindness. She always saw the good in me.

So go to your therapist or find a therapist near you and get therapy because it is important.

Disclaimer: The information on this page is not medical advice. Anirban Saren is not a medical professional or a doctor or a psychotherapist.

Journaling : How I Do It

I love to journal or write my thoughts in a diary. It is extremely therapeutic and calming. In this blog post I will share my experience with journaling.

I journal in the morning and evening and sometimes when I feel strong emotions. I know it sounds girly but trust me it’s not. Anyone who can write can do journaling.

The problem I think most people have is they don’t understand why journaling is necessary. It is extremely necessary.

There are many benefits but I will share my personal experiences only because you can google the general benefits anyway.

For me as a person struggling with mental health issues, I journal a lot. I journal digitally, in a physical journal, on my phone, on the computer,etc. And that helps me keep myself focused and sane.

I am not saying that without journaling you are insane. I am just saying I journal because I love it and also because it is a necessity for me.

There are many ways to journal- using prompts, using self-talk, using recollection of the day’s events, etc. And this makes the process fun. You can do it however you want to do it.

You can draw sketches in a journal. Or just write. Or do both.

Journaling is also a form of introspection. And introspection, I believe, is the most important skill a human being can learn. Journaling helps you do that.

I also think re-reading one’s journals can help one grow more. It is the act of observation of the past accurately that creates wisdom.

I re-read my journals sometimes. Although I started re-reading only a few months ago I am shocked by the insights I get from re-reading my journals.

But when you start writing in a journal the main focus should be to just write. It does not matter if you re-read it. You can think about that later. In the beginning just write as Iearnt this idea from Ryan Holiday from the Daily Stoic youtube channel.

The point of journaling is to introspect. To examine yourself. This is my opinion.

Thank you for reading my post. Please share this with your friends and family members and see you next time.

Role Of Racism And Casteism In Mental Health In India

The reason I am writing this post is to share with you how disturbing race or caste discrimination is on mental health.

I was born as an Adivasi in the Santhal community of India and I love my race and religion. But I also feel discrimination in society. And the reason is because of my birth.

From childhood I lived in an urban setting and my parents moved locations due to their jobs. I did not live in segregation from society in my tribal community. I lived with mainstream society.

When I was in class 6 one of my classmates said to me in a bad language a slang followed by the word “Adivasi”. This had an impact on my thinking.

I never felt like I could be myself when I am with non-tribal people. Because if I do become myself and act like myself I will be judged not based on my appearance or character but by race.

And they say that caste and race does not exist!

When I was a kid, I was not very social. And I did not assert myself very much. And race, in my case, had a big part to play in it.

And so when I was in a private engineering college I had to face even more racism. My labmates won’t let me do any lab work. They would outright ignore me and dominate through making groups inside the group and basically seeing me as a filth. I never felt at home there.

I am not saying my life is the way it is because of racism. I am not blaming racism or declaring myself a victim. I am saying that racism and casteism is a serious issue. Ignoring it is not going to make it go away.

Even in high school I was being point to as the guy with Scheduled Tribe quota which created discrimination. I remember thinking,”How can I be myself here? They dislike me for my race. They dislike me because of a misconception of reservation quotas. They don’t realize that reservation is there so that we can represent ourselves in the parliament. Our communities, races and castes are far behind, economically, socially and education-wise. We don’t need a handout. We want our right- representation. That’s what reservation is for.” I still remember the class teacher saying out aloud in class that the SC/ST people are taking away their seats.

Some upper caste people say that their forefathers were the ones who did us wrong and they being their sons have nothing to do with their atrocities.

A thing about forgiveness is we cannot forgive. Forgiveness won’t bring our martyrs back. It won’t give us representation. Forgiveness won’t give us our rights in a democracy. Forgiveness will not undo the injustice that’s been done to us. So we cannot forgive. We want, we demand our place on the seat whether in university or parliament.

Racism and casteism has a tremendous impact on mental health. I cannot speak for others but I can speak for myself.

I never felt like I could be myself among non-tribal people. I never feel free to speak up or assert myself among them.

In India if there is a movement where lower caste people and other races are accepted as part of India and not seen as the other, then maybe people like me can assert our identities more openly and be ourselves. That will improve the mental health of people like me.

Please comment on what you think. If you liked this blog post then please share it.

Social Anxiety To Master Leader And Salesman

As I write about the solution, I would like to tell you that I tried to overcome my social anxiety for the last two days with great difficulty and I succeeded to go to my grandmaa’s house and also ask my father if I could accompany him at his office. But I failed to continue the streak of success. I will try again
Anirban Saren

The reason I am writing this blog post is to show a way in which life works to disguise your greatest gifts as your greatest weakness.

By the way I have not become a master leader and salesman but I want to. This is what I want and I am willing to do many difficult things for achieving it.

Why do I want it? Because I want to help people be free of suffering.

As you know I said before that I have social anxiety disorder. Then why this deep desire to be a leader and a salesman, things that are totally opposite of a person suffering from social anxiety?

Well to be honest I don’t know. You can ask many of my friends and they will tell you that I am not a people person. But my close friends will tell you an entirely different story. They will tell you that I love people. When among them I become an irresistibly social person.

So I don’t know why this is the case. But I think there is a shadow aspect of my personality that has been hidden due to my circumstances of life. Regardless of the reason let’s talk about the solution.

As I write about the solution, I would like to tell you that I tried to overcome my social anxiety for the last two days with great difficulty and I succeeded to go to my grandmaa’s house and also ask my father if I could accompany him at his office. But I failed to continue the streak of success. I will try again.

So back to what we are talking about here. What is the solution?

I used to think I can just use brute force to push through the fear. But it’s not easy.

I even read books on releasing emotions, self-esteem and stoic philosophy but life just doesn’t work like that.

But I have to tell you a solution that I will execute on, if not for me, for you.

My solution is to follow my passion. I will improve my self-expression skills through attending events, writing everyday for a set period of time, commit to self-expression,etc.

Yes that’s my solution because my passion is a stronger motivation than social anxiety.

So basically my deepest desire is to be a leader and salesman who helps people overcome suffering and I have no clue how to do it because I feel abnormal levels of fear before most social interactions. This is going to be one hell of a ride.

This could be my greatest gift. This could also be my greatest regret if I don’t try. Either way I will succeed or perish trying.

So thank you for reading this blog post. I could not post in the past two days because I was busy applying some of my own ideas to overcome social anxiety. See you tomorrow.

The Only Thing More Powerful Than Death

The reason I am sharing this idea with you is if you are going through depression or any mental health issues, then it could be a reminder to take steps to overcome depression and not feel hopeless.

https://youtu.be/MqlYJqsm2Rg

I could use the word “love” but I have not experienced the truth of it yet.

But what’s true in my experience is that death is the most powerful thing. But movies like the Titanic, friends who have been in love, inspiring stories of love,etc. make me think differently.

I mean it’s so beautiful that someone can stare death in the eye and refuse to be afraid before death.

As you know that in Titanic, the ship was sinking and Jack, Rose’s beloved, was hand-cuffed and trapped in a room in the ship and if Rose would not rescue him, he would sink with the ship.

In the end of the movie, Rose survives and Jack freezes and sinks in the ocean. And it’s all sad and I feel teary eyes.

But in my and your life, we had moments when we were at a turning point with a choice of going after what our heart wants and what society wanted was to do. In those moments, we sometimes choose our heart wants even if it means to suffer greatly or even face the unknown or death.

This is what is more powerful than death. To follow your heart, to follow love, to face the unknown is more powerful than death itself.

Depression, social anxiety, OCD, bipolar disorder, suicidal tendencies, etc. are not easy things to deal with. And my words may not mean much because I am mostly always depressed in life and still socially anxious, but things will get better with our efforts to take regular medication and go to therapy.

I have faith in myself, you and everyone that things will get better for me, for you and for everyone.

I hope you got someone out of this blog post. Stay tuned for tomorrow’s blog post.

About “Perfect” Social Media Photos

The reason I am writing this is to show you a unique perspective on comparing yourself with other people.

Social media is full of the perfect moments in the lives of us but sometimes when you are down in the drain these perfect moments seldom empower you.

Instead they make you feel like a failure.

Comparing myself with my friends and college mates who have girlfriends/boyfriends, perfect slim bodies, and happiness makes me feel like I am missing out on life.

And if you feel like same way when you scroll your social media feed, you are not alone.

But we know how it goes. They probably feel as empty inside as me or maybe more. But the truth is my social life is not what I want it to be.

And I am not blaming anyone.

Ok ok I am blaming my past. But I am learning to see past these superficial comparisons.

So what is the solution?

I noticed that as soon as I focus on what I love, that is self-expression, I feel good about myself. I am even planning to go all in.

As soon as I write I feel like I am doing something unique to me. I am sharing my unique life story and gifts to the world.

I don’t know what the phd psychologist will recommend as a solution but this one solution, doing your passion works for me.

I follow a guy whose name is Grant Cardone, New York Times best-selling author and the founder of the 10X Rule and I love his ideas. One of his ideas is to swim in the kool-aid than just drinking it. It means to immerse yourself in an activity or learn about something so much that you forget everything else and fully commit to it in order to be a master in it.

In Grant’s own life he is busy all the time and tells his viewer that if you want to meet the devil, have blank space in your calendar. It is a good example for comparing the negative thoughts and comparisons to the devil in your head.

So I hope you liked this little post and see you every Monday. I say Monday but I am posting a new blog post everyday and it gets old when I say “see you every Monday”. So see you tomorrow!