Tag: self-knowledge

Read This to Feel Less Afraid of the Future

Do you feel afraid of the future and start worrying? In this blog post, I will share my perspective on feeling less afraid of the future.

I think it is totally okay to be afraid of the future. And it is not at all wrong if we worry about the future. In fact, a little fear and pain will motivate you. 

But when worrying becomes pointless and being afraid doesn’t help motivate you, what do you do?

I think it is in those moments of fear that we need to be courageous. We need to find the courage to say, “F*ck it! I am not going to be afraid anymore and second guess myself. I will take action.”

Recently, a person asked a question on Reddit about what career he should pursue. He said that he was having a hard time deciding. 

I wrote-

“I was feeling the same way 6months ago. I didn’t know what career should I commit to. I was confused what my purpose in life was. I also didn’t want to be in the corporate companies. I wanted to do what I felt passionate about. So I did a self-analysis. I asked myself about what successes I had in the past years. And I saw that I have some success in creating blogs and YouTube videos. I didn’t get many views or subscribers but I had posted 70 videos which most of them were low quality and I was nervous or fumbling or stammering and I had made most of them private but I had shot and uploaded 70 videos. The problem was I wasn’t getting many views. So I researched about how to grow on YouTube. And I learnt that I needed an income stream to keep myself mentally healthy and have a social life and pay expenses and make YouTube videos on the side. So I am working on my copywriting portfolio after taking a copywriting course because writing is also one of my passions.

I think it’s important to think about life like an archaeologist and not an architect. Life is about discovery and not about walking on a planned path.

I hope to make YouTube videos and generate income but I am going to do copywriting to pay my bills and build a network and friends and a social life and buy a good camera.

I remember someone told me – my main problem is not lack of knowledge of my career or purpose but lack of experience. Inaction is my greatest enemy.

So don’t worry! Just start doing what you think you love and have passionate for but also keep in mind the practical aspects of paying the bills and your long term goals. 😄”

Anirban Saren on Reddit

I think I still stand by this belief that life is about being an archaeologist (adopted by Ali Abdaal’s videos on YouTube). And it’s about self-discovery.

And it isn’t about trying to find and connect the dots backwards, it’s about believing in something strongly and following one’s heart, and trust that the dots will connect automatically.

I am working on my degree, my copywriting portfolio and moving forward slowly. 

Sometimes I worry about the future and I get anxious. But I have learned to face the fears by saying, “F*ck it!”.

I think life is not about reaching a goal, it’s about growing yourself constantly through experiences.

Conclusion

So this is my perspective-

Life is about self-discovery. Look into the future and ask yourself,”How do I want my life to be?” and take action. The dots will connect automatically when we focus on self-discovery instead of controlling the present and the future. And if the fear of the future still persists, say “F*ck it! Let’s do it.” Because life is about growing yourself constantly through experience.

Thank you for reading my blog post. Please comment- What is your perspective on feeling less afraid of the future?

How I Deal With My Negative Self-Talk

Do you feel frustrated with your negative self-talk? Then read this blog post to know how I deal with it.

I used to frequently demean myself for doing stupid things. And although it’s considered normal and almost everybody does it, I think it’s important to reduce these self-demeaning thoughts.

It’s OK to sometimes think that you are weird or stupid. But sometimes these thoughts feel overwhelming and too much to handle.

In those situations, we need to calm our minds and relax a bit. And seek to become more self-aware.


A few weeks ago, I was reading a book called “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety” by Ellen Hendriksen (Affiliate link: I get a commission if you purchase the book through this link) and I read a part where the author makes the readers ask three easy questions.

These three questions from the book helped me deal with negative self-talk and reduce my anxiety-

  1. What’s the worst that can happen?
  2. What are the odds of that happening?
  3. How would you cope?

And I noticed that whenever I get anxious or do any negative self-talk, I ask myself these questions and I can become aware of why I felt negative or got a strong urge to call myself “stupid” or “loser”.

When I do this, I can reduce my negative feelings to something manageable.

For example, if I feel like a loser because I lied to someone about something unimportant because it would be very embarrassing to accept that I had lied. So I say to myself in negative self-talk,” You are just a loser”. 

If I immediately counter that by saying,” No, I am not a loser, I am a winner.”, I continue feeling bad for some reason. 

But if I ask myself the above three questions one by one, this is what happens-

Me – “What’s the worst that could happen in this situation?”

My answer- “Oh well, the person would call me a ‘liar’ out loudly and kick me out of the institute forever and people would know I am a ‘liar’.”

Me- “What are the odds of that happening?”

My answer- “Well, the person may ask why I lied. And I would say I was nervous. And he would probably trust me less.”

Me- “How would I cope?”

My answer- “I would probably listen to some sad songs and write a sad poem to myself and read spiritual stories and forgive myself through writing in my journal. It’s just one time I lied a silly lie, to one person. No big deal. I won’t repeat it and now past is past.”

This process makes me feel so much better. And I don’t feel like I am fighting an uphill battle against my mind.

This process also reduces my anxiety a lot and I feel like I can reduce these big and scary thoughts to something more manageable with just the second question,” What are the odds of that happening?”

And I also noticed that I can overcome more of my social anxiety with these questions in real life. I went to 3 big social events this month and I think those are big wins for me. I believe that’s because of the above book.

For all this, I want to thank Ellen Hendriksen, the author of the above-mentioned book “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety”. 

I haven’t finished listening to the whole audiobook on audible.in but I will do it soon. 

You can also use these questions to deal with your inner critic and negative self-talk and reduce your anxiety one question at a time.

Although I didn’t overcome my anxieties this month overnight. It took time. 

Also, the book’s original questions are phrased like this-

  1. How bad would that really be?
  2. What are the odds?
  3. How could I cope?

Also in the book originally the questions are only one part of the whole process. So don’t completely depend on me or think that this is the complete process. Please get the book and read it.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Do read the book and please comment on what you think about this blog post.

Disclaimer- I am not a psychologist or a doctor. If you have a mental illness, please seek the help of a professional. The advice in this blog post is just from my personal experience. For the full scientific process, read the mentioned book.

Trying: The Secret Of The Universe

What is the secret of the universe that moves mountains, that accomplishes the impossible, that gives power to the good people, that makes truth win, that echoes through eternity the truth that cannot be denied?

I say it is in trying. Tenacity, trying, persistence, sticking with it.

This is the secret of the universe. It is in trying that we find success, even if we fail.

There are no shortcuts and even if there is, unless you try the eleventh time after failing 10 times, you will not succeed.

A few days ago I was very anxious of going outside my house. And I was laying in bed thinking why was I not able to study or do something consistently. And I laying in bed and saying to myself,”I am unable to go.”

But something happened. My mother asked me to get up and get ready to go. Even though I repeated my mantra “I am unable to go.” , my mother force me to get up by playing some music on the TV.

Now it is a smart TV and the controls are advanced. But my mother tried again and again to figure it out and what I saw in that moment was a mother’s unending love and tenacity for her child. She eventually figured it out and played some Santhali songs.

And I got up and we went outside as planned.

What I want to say through this anecdote is that love moves mountains. Tenacity, trying, persistence are the qualities in a person who can move mountains.

By moving mountains, I mean doing what seems impossible. It is truly inspiring.

This is why trying matters. Trying matters because it is an act of faith. You don’t know whether you will succeed or not. But you are giving your best to it despite all possibilities of failure.

Thank you for reading this blog post. I am grateful for you reading this post. Please answer this question in the comments section- On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you agree that “trying” is the secret of the universe?

What Will Make You The Happiest?

Although this insight comes from my experience, I believe that what will make you the happiest is being yourself.

Be unique, quirky, different, find your own truth, be yourself, don’t live a common life, don’t do what is conventional, always seek your truth, etc.

Let me tell you a story. When I started writing I had no idea that I would fall in love with the process of writing and the benefits that come with writing. It led me to discover my truth instead of accepting some fixed doctrine.

Sometimes I fall into the trap of following religion or capitalism or materialism or some philosophy or some other ideology which is always a trap of finding your truth.

For example, one day some three years ago approximately, I reading Bhagavad Gita As It Is. And reading it felt good but then after a month I joined ISKCON’s Satsang and started absorbing the ideology in my mind.

I am not saying that there’s no truth in spiritual teachings. What I am saying is that your truth is not an ideology, it’s your inner wisdom.

No amount of ideology can replace your inner wisdom, your truth.

So as you might infer, I stopped going to ISKCON satsangs for various reasons but one of them was the heavy use of Hindu mythology.

I still read the Gita from time to time but I don’t subscribe to one ideology.

Now you may think what does being yourself look like?

Although I am far from perfect but for me, I journal every day and I write in my blog sometimes. This helps me observe what I am thinking daily and stay on track with living my truth.

I believe in hope and all things real like honesty, love, faith, generosity, etc. And I have social anxiety and so sometimes I am unable to be generous to all people, but I try my best to have hope most of the time.

Overcoming social anxiety is something I have to work on but that’s just what comes with the package that is called me.

Being yourself is also full of struggles. Choosing commerce or arts instead of science stream is hard when no one in your family is from commerce or arts. Choosing to work in a corporate job is hard when all your family members and relatives work in the government.

But it comes with the knowledge that you are being you. You are living life from your inner wisdom.

Have you ever travelled solo to some new place? I did. When I was in class 10, age 14, I went to the city to eat in a restaurant alone skipping tuition classes. My parents were worried thinking about where I had gone. But I returned home safely.

Also, I had done stupid things all my life with friends or alone.

Something inside me guided me. And I believe the more we allow this guidance to guide us in new situations, the wiser we become.

This is what fuelled pioneers- freedom, adventure, and self-expression.

But you may think that spiritual teachings ask us to find these values in ourselves- to find God in yourself, in man.

I guess you could say if finding God is what inspires you, then that is your truth. If someone is inspired by adventure, then that is their truth.

Conclusion

Swami Vivekananda taught humanity to believe in oneself.

 And that’s why I say what will make you happiest is to be yourself, to live by your truth, to believe in yourself, and to be original and truly free.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please share this blog post and answer this one question-

What is your truth that you believe in?

All Seeking Is A Bad Habit

In this blog post, I will write about why I think seeking anything is a bad habit and it is just that-a bad habit.

Some people call it bad karma, but I will just call it a bad habit.

When we ask ourselves what is the purpose of life, or what is the best way to make money today, we are essentially asking a very essential question that is important for our survival.

But if we ask ourselves why are we asking ourselves or others what the purpose of life is, then we will end up with a feeling, a deep desire or a fear after we have dug deep enough.

This feeling is supposed to be faced in my opinion. It is this fear that we need to dive into.

It is important to seek but this seeking is the cause of our suffering, in my opinion. Seeking money, fame, power, love, beauty, etc. is not bad but seeking them will create suffering.

When we seek we are acting out of habit. It is very difficult to not seek, even for a jobless person. Even a person who sleeps all day is seeking comfort. And when the comfort ends, he/she suffers.

That feeling that is before all questions, if dealt with and understood, can reduce our suffering and seeking.

I think that seeking God is also a cause of suffering. But if we don’t seek God we will not be free from suffering. And this is good suffering.

In my opinion, if we know the source of all seeking, then the seeking will automatically become more meaningful. And not knowing the source will trap us in a habitual pattern of seeking more things without satisfaction.

Conclusion

To conclude, I think we need to break from this bad habit of seeking and establish ourselves in something that is not related to seeking, maybe it is meditation, journaling or reading or writing or running or listening to piano music or any passion that we have.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please share it with your friends and answer this question:

What do you do that is not related to seeking?

Faith Is Important

In this blog post, I will write about why faith is important in life.

So basically, I was of the school of thought that unless one experiences something one should not believe in it.

Whether it’s belief in God or belief in any idea or principle or anything that changes the way we live life, I used to think that we should try out new ideas and then prove to ourselves if it is true in our experience.

But I have always wondered what the most worthy goal in life is and what is the most real and meaningful cause to which I can fight and dedicate my life without feeling like I am wasting my time in life.

And from there started my pursuit of Truth.

What is the truth? What is the most real thing? What is worthy of hard work and personal struggle? What is worthy of fighting for? What is not empty? What is true?

At first in class 11, I went to get a better education to find this real thing. I thought if I can get into a good school I will be able to dedicate my life to it and find something worth fighting for. But questions started appearing in my mind.

I doubted my beliefs and asked myself,” I know that a good education is very important. But I don’t feel happy. I am suffering. And I have lost my sense of direction and hunger in life. Also, I don’t even know if this subject I am studying is meaningful. I want to be an engineer. But why? Why do I want to be an engineer? Why? I could do career counselling but will I really find the answer in other professions? I will feel empty even then, and I will probably ask the why question after I lose my passion for that profession.”

So I started losing interest in formal education. (I am in college now studying seriously.)

Then I started pursuing money in business by learning digital marketing. I started a blog, a youtube channel, a clothing e-commerce store, etc.

And I found success here and there but I still had the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness that gradually entered my pursuit of money.

I remember I was doing an internship as an insurance agent for a big company and I did well in the interview and training. I was punctual all the time and very serious about success, but I gave up before the joining date because I could not see meaning in that job. (Little did I know that the meaning that I am searching for is in me and not outside in objects.)

So I started losing interest in money. (I am regardlessly going to start a business in the future)

Then I started feeling depressed.

But…

This is where things changed. I started believing in God. I surrendered and took action.

Life without God is empty and meaningless. Even things that are meaningful in the beginning seem meaningless if we don’t believe in something real.

If one believes in God, then a simple thing looks beautiful, one finds joy in the little things in life. But if one doesn’t believe in God, then all the wealth of the world can’t make one happy.

It started with me one day noticing that a girl and her mother at NIMHANS chanting a religious mantra one evening while chilling, and it hit me that I can also try that approach. I could try to have faith in God. Since nothing works, then let’s try this.

And I found that it is a source of immense love, power, strength and wisdom. It made suffering make sense and my life got better.

Then one day I was reading Swami Vivekananda’s quote-

“You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.” – Swami Vivekananda

And I started consciously strengthening my belief in myself.

What I am trying to say through this blog post is this-

Faith is important.

Without faith, one will find it very difficult to find the truth.

Personally, I still get doubts but I have surrendered my fears to God. I know that there is a reality that is truly real. I don’t need to hold on to objects of the mind or the world to feel secure. I just need to hold on to God.

The reason faith is important for finding the truth, is that faith and truth are not opposite words, but where truth cannot be reached by the mind, faith is the guide to truth.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you liked this post then please comment, why is faith important to you?

What Is Hope To Me? (Warning: Sensitive Mental Health Story)

Hope to me is an angelic force that knows when I need answers most, when I need to learn a lesson, when I need to suffer, when I need to realise the truth about a situation and when the right time comes I need to surrender.

Story

I remember after my major psychotic episode in 2017, I was taken to the hospital. And I was so scared. I thought strange thoughts and was so scared.

When the doctor came, he asked something which I don’t remember. But I said, “I love you”.

The doctor smiled and said something like “You love me?”

Then I forgot what happened. My parents visited me and I was relieved.

Later the hospital referred me to NIMHANS, Bangalore.

I had no hope except my belief that there’s something higher in existence that is most true and divine.

So I said,” I love you” to the doctor. Not because he was beautiful or something else. But because I was scared. I was so scared of myself, so scared of my thoughts and I had no confidence in myself during my psychotic episode. I had to believe in that invisible higher truth/force which most probably is the expression of the words ”I love you”.

Love is, in my opinion, one of the closest expressions of truth.

Maybe I said it because I was scared. But that’s what I felt would keep me sane.

And I was referred to NIMHANS, where they treated me further and I made many new friends.

Slowly things got better.

And things are much better now. I haven’t had to go through psychosis since 2017 and I am well on my way to graduating college and finding work.

Conclusion

I think things are never bad indefinitely. Life gets better. There’s hope. And there’s family, friends, work, truth, etc.

As the famous proverb says- This Too Shall Pass. I too say “This Too Shall Pass”.

Thank you for reading this blog post on what is hope to me. Please comment, what is hope to you in a few words?

Why It’s Ok To Not Be Spiritual

In this blog post, I write why it’s ok to not be spiritual.

I will write my opinion here and it’s not necessarily correct or scientifically verifiable. 

Why I Am Not Spiritual

I was listening to Ramakrishna Mission’s Swami Sarvapriyananda’s talk on focus, self-confidence and selflessness yesterday and I felt inspired by him. I got so inspired that I studied my academic books for a long time yesterday.

Today I was listening to his talk on Brahman. And I remembered that I get scared when I listen to and think about these spiritual topics. 

I think this happens because I have some psychological trauma or neurosis that triggers fear in me. I don’t know if this is scientifically true.

So I am not spiritual in the sense that I don’t meditate, read scriptures, or do any kind of yoga. But I have faith in God.

There may be many people who are not spiritual. Maybe they don’t have the time or they don’t prioritise it or maybe they have fear in their minds like me. 

And it’s OK. It’s totally fine if one doesn’t do spirituality or believes in it.

I believe that spirituality is about being yourself. It’s about realising your faults and blessings and becoming a good human being. 

A good human being in behaviour and thinking in every aspect of life and with all human beings and living organisms and the environment. 

A big part of being spiritual in my opinion is to realise that you are not perfect and that you can be a better human being. It’s about prioritising “self-realisation” and by that, I mean realising your highest good nature.

Example of Addiction Recovery

Suppose you are a substance addict. You clearly are not being yourself and not being a human being you can be proud of. 

In that case, you need to go to the doctor and go through the addiction recovery process. And you will become a better human being in that process.

In this way, you are (self-) realising your potential goodness to reality. I think that in the first step of the twelve-step program by Alcoholics Anonymous, one needs to admit their problems honestly. 

twelve-step program
a distinctive approach to overcoming addictive, compulsive, or behavioral problems that was developed initially in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to guide recovery from alcoholism and is now used, often in an adapted form, by a number of other self-help groups. The twelve-step program in AA asks each member to (a) admit that he or she cannot control his or her drinking; (b) recognize a supreme spiritual power, which can give the member strength; (c) examine past errors, a process that is carried out with another member who serves as sponsor; (d) make amends for these errors; (e) develop a new code and style of life; and (f) help other alcoholics who are in need of support. Variations of this model also exist for drug abuse and addiction, gambling addiction, and other problems.

APA Dictionary of Psychology[1]

So what’s that? That’s realising your faults. That’s moving towards self-realisation.

You don’t need to read spiritual books to be spiritual. You are spiritual by your very nature.

But in the common sense of the word, I think it’s not necessary to be spiritual. And it’s Ok if you are not.

Even though I am not spiritual, I will probably listen to Swamiji’s talks on non-spiritual topics. And continue occasional deep breathing relaxation techniques when necessary. 

Maybe the thing is my time hasn’t arrived yet to dive into spirituality. Maybe that’s the case. Who knows? I will just have faith in God and do the right thing now and when the time comes.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this blog post on why it’s ok to not be spiritual. Please comment- Are you spiritual? You are also welcome to explain why you are or aren’t spiritual.

References-

  1. APA Dictionary of Psychology -Twelve-Step Program, https://dictionary.apa.org/twelve-step-program

Decisions Are Made Before We Think Them

In this blog post, I will write about why I think decisions are made even before we think about them.

We think that we should make the right decisions. But the truth is decisions are already made for us.

In my opinion, decisions are made for us in the sense that we are only the pawns of truth. 

Let me tell you a story.

When I was in class 10, I chose science as my stream. I then got detained in class 11 and chose science again.

I had the choice of choosing commerce or arts. But I chose science. 

Because I thought I was good at science and it was only my social anxiety that was hampering my studies, “I” stuck to “my” decision. 

And everyone in my family supported my decision.

But the truth was I couldn’t have chosen any other option. I had an option and it was a decision I made. But I also had no option. 

Even if I forced myself to choose arts, I would have felt guilty. 

All the reasons were stacked against arts. 

Almost everyone in my family studied science. And arts is an unfamiliar subject for my family members. And I didn’t know if I liked arts.

So I chose science.

There are many more similar stories which I am not comfortable sharing at the moment. 

Stories where you know you have nothing to lose and you choose your dreams over a “normal” life are also something we think we decide. But actually, the decisions are made even before we think about them.

Again there’s a spiritual side to it as well. But I will not go into it because I am not that knowledgeable in spirituality.

But it is also clear when we look back into the past that the dots connect perfectly and it’s all decided beforehand.

Conclusion

So I invite you to sit down and reflect on your life and see how all your past decisions and events led you to where you are right now.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment- On a scale from 1 to 5 how grateful are you for all the past decisions that led you where you are right now?

Inspiration to Be Yourself

So before I write this blog post I would like to tell you that you are perfect. No matter how imperfect your life is, you are perfect. You don’t need to change anything about yourself.

Now if you think that being yourself is difficult or impossible and that you need to be a “better version” of yourself, I’ll tell you a story.

Music has always been an integral part of my life. I like listening to all kinds of songs and especially emotionally charged electronic and dance music.

So recently I found a streamer on Twitch.tv accidentally and I loved that she was singing covers of some of the most beautiful songs ever. And I followed her.

The best part of it was I loved the community. I never felt judged and I could be myself.

I still love the community. And even though we don’t share information about our private lives, we are pretty cool and we play games and listen to music together sometimes.

It was here that I realized I need to be myself. I realized this when I decided to face my fear of talking to groups of people. 

I am extremely shy and introverted and I have social anxiety. So it was difficult for me but I faced the fear anyway.

But I love being myself. I feel comfortable in my own shoes. And I feel more positive every day.

The key is to “Be yourself”. 

The way to be yourself is in feeling comfortable with who you are.

If you are a nice person, and you sometimes become aggressive or too funny or go over the top too much in a certain social situation, you need to be nice.

If you are actually an over-the-top funny person and you sometimes act too nice out of anxiety, then you need to be over the top again.

You see you need to be yourself. It’s good for your mental health.

Another story is when I was not being myself and I was trying to change myself.

In high school, I was too focused on fitting in and I lost touch with my true self. 

I remember we had a study abroad college fair where many colleges from outside India had come to our city. I was trying to be an extrovert which I wasn’t.

I couldn’t be an extrovert and so I blamed myself and wanted to change myself.

I later realized that I should’ve been trying to be myself which would later be effortless.

Conclusion

So yeah, it is definitely possible to be social, be yourself and find a community.

Thanks for reading this blog post. Let me know- What do you feel about being yourself?