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What I Learnt From Psychosis

In 2017, I faced a challenging journey through psychosis, filled with confusion and intense experiences. However, this struggle taught me valuable lessons in humility, the importance of grounding oneself in science, and trusting mental health professionals. Ultimately, I emerged grateful for the growth and self-belief I gained from this experience.

When I was 17, I had a psychotic episode. Or more precisely one major psychotic episode and many mania episodes spread around the months of the year 2017.

So 2017 wasn’t really a happy year for me.

So before I jump into what lessons I learnt, I want to give you a brief explanation of my experience.

Brief History of My Psychosis

Here are the things I experienced-

I suspected that everyone wanted to kill me.
I thought I was God (literally).
I thought I was in an alternate reality where I could do anything I wanted and no one would hold me accountable.
I thought I would write in a journal and if I scribbled over it, it would become real.
I thought I was channeling some spirits by writing in a journal.
I even thought I was doing automatic writing (actually).
I would notice something and associate it with synchronicities. (For example, if I thought a negative thought and the dog outside barked at that moment, I thought it was God telling me to stop thinking that thought).
Things would happen to rescue me from difficult situations and I noticed them instantly like someone playing a soothing music that would make me feel calm.
When I closed my eyes, I would think I have no thoughts. I would be afraid to close my eyes because it was just too empty inside my mind(thoughtless).
I also couldn’t sleep at night (insomnia).

The Actual Learnings

Here are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience-

Humility
I learnt that what the scriptures say that “Aham Brahmasmi” (You are that), it’s not literally true in the gross sense of the word “ego” or “I”.

When we say I am God, we don’t mean that the person that you are is God. We mean… well I don’t know. But we shouldn’t take it literally.

If you don’t know the truth, you need to stay humble and admit that you don’t know everything.
Belief In Science
I learnt to ground myself in science. I know spiritual beliefs sound cool. But they are not practical.

Automatic writing may be real, but there may not be spirits or souls to channel or do automatic writing with.

There’s always a scientific explanation.
Coincidences are real
There are coincidences and those may be planned by God. But there may not be any synchronicities.

It means if something happens and if you superstitiously believe something else like someone’s photo frame falling from the wall and breaking doesn’t mean that their life is in danger.
Trust Psychiatry and Psychology
These two fields: psychiatry and psychology, are a Godsend for people like me.

They help you heal from the inside.

And if only you take the medications regularly and go to therapy regularly, then you can improve your mental health.
Belief in Myself
I learnt self-belief without thinking that I am omnipotent.

Swami Vivekananda said that he who doesn’t believe in God is not an atheist, he who doesn’t believe in himself is an atheist.

I believe in myself. I believe in Anirban(me).

Conclusion

These are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience in 2017.

If my psychosis hadn’t happened I would still be more superstitious than I am today. I am grateful for my psychosis.

I am way more scientific minded now because of my negative experiences with psychosis.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you like this blog post, please like, comment and share with your friends and family members.

First Be A Good Person

A good leader must first embody qualities of a good person, defined primarily by honesty and integrity. While not perfect, such individuals stay true to their word and admit their mistakes. Morality is crucial, often valuing personal character as much as success or wealth. The reflection on leadership is influenced by personal experiences.

Daily writing prompt

What makes a good leader?

View all responses

I belief a good leader must be a good person even before they start leading people.

What is a good person?

Now this one is what I can answer.

I can answer this NOT because I think I am a good person.

I am not a bad person. I am moderately good. But only other people’s statements regarding my character will be true.

Who are they?

So what is a good person?

I have read the Bhagavad Gita’s Chapter 2 but I will not borrow definitions from it because that’s not verified by me with direct experience.

In my opinion, a good person is a person who is honest(to himself/herself always and to others most of the time).

I know a person who is older than me. They are a leader in their profession. And they are good as a person in the common sense. But they are also honest to the extent that they will go out of their way to keep their word.

It’s 21^st century and I am talking about the “word”.

Who cares about honesty these days? Right?

Well, the answer isn’t “nobody”. Although nobody is honest all the time. And nobody is flawless. There are people who are honest and pure hearted.

Honest to themselves.

They would admit they are wrong even if it means their opponents would win.

Morality is as important as money or success.

The person I was talking about can be any good leader in the world.

But I had my mother’s life floating before my eyes when I was writing the above lines.

Same goes for my elder sister.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment your opinion on what a good leader is.

Believe in yourself

The author reflects on personal experiences highlighting the significance of self-belief. They recount two pivotal moments: evading parental authority at 14 and facing academic failure at 15. Through therapy and self-reflection, they learned that negative self-talk undermined their confidence. Ultimately, the message emphasizes the vital role of believing in oneself for happiness and personal growth.

Why should you believe in yourself?

To answer this questions let me tell you two stories.

First Story

When I was 14 years old(class 10), one evening I took a bus from my town to Dharmatala(Kolkata, India) to eat a certain food dish. I did this without my parent’s permission and also I skipped my private tutor’s class.

I returned home late at night without being able to find that food dish.

But my parents were very worried.

They called up my private tutor and the tutor told my parents that I hadn’t come to attend the class.

When I came home, I told my parents the truth and nothing happened. They said nothing.

Second Story

Fast forward to when I was 15 years old(class 11) next year, I failed in my final term exams. And got detained in class 11.

The reason I failed was because I couldn’t make myself study science. I hated those subjects.

And also I couldn’t overcome my mood swings.

But I didn’t have these insights at that time. I thought I wasn’t able to study because something was wrong with me.

Plus I was playing video games all day.

As a result to find what was wrong with me, I started watching self-help videos on YouTube and reading self-help books like “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, “Mastery” by George Leonard,etc.

They were good books but they didn’t work for me. I applied their techniques for a few days but then gave up.

What fixed my problems was being treated by a psychiatrist and a psychologist.

But there’s also another perspective to this.

And that is…

I didn’t believe in myself.

Another Perspective

Maybe in class 10, I was better off because I had the confidence in myself, but I somehow lost that confidence in myself in class 11. And I became dependent on self-help techniques.

Maybe all my life I believed in something other than myself.

It is only recently at the age of 25 I realised that my self-talk is so negative. I am so harsh on myself all the time.

I need to believe in myself.

Why should you believe in yourself?

Because you will feel better about yourself.
Because you will be happier.
Because you will have a healthy mind.
Because you will be able to take better decisions.
Because you will be able to take better responsibility for your circumstances and mistakes.
Because you will be in control of your negative and positive self-talk.
Be less manipulated by others.
Be more authentic.

And so much more.

Conclusion

Believe in yourself.

In my short life I have realised the importance of believing in myself at the age of 25.

Life’s not easy. And maybe your life hasn’t been easy as well. We need to believe. Even if you don’t believe in God, believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself!

This is the core of what hope is.

Believe in yourself.

Thank you for reading this blog post.

How To Control Your Anger?

The author reflects on personal struggles with anger and its impact on self-esteem and mental health. They share experiences of losing control, including violent outbursts, and highlight the importance of managing anger through internal and external strategies. Seeking therapy is emphasized as a valuable resource for better emotional health.

I get angry sometimes. And this affects my self-esteem and peace of mind. It causes regret in me.

My Brief Story

Although I no longer get angry to the extent of becoming violent. But I sometimes struggle to control my anger even today.

But I have improved my self-control a lot over the years.

I remember one day I got so angry that I tore my own clothes in an attempt to run towards the other person. Luckily the neutral people stopped me.

And if that’s not enough of hell, I take medication for my bipolar affective disorder(BPAD) even today.

I am getting better. But that’s some of my story of my struggles with my anger.

Ways To Control Your Anger

In this blog post I will write about 3 internal ways and 3 external ways to control your anger.

Internal ways-

Realizing that anger has consequences. It affects your self-esteem. And it can lead to violence and even death of someone.
Practice gratitude for the things you already have.
Perform any form of introspection daily like journaling, meditation, realizing that your expectations of the other persons are just going to make you more unhappy because you can’t change others but only yourself, etc.

External ways-

AVOID them- Stay away from/avoid the other persons, events or thoughts that trigger your anger for some time. This is something you can do immediately.
Let your anger go- Try to identify what you feel in the angry moments. Observe your emotions and let it go.
I read back in 2017 called “The Sedona Method: Your Key to Lasting Happiness, Success, Peace and Emotional Well-Being” by Hale Dwoskin.
In that book it taught 5 questions to ask yourself consecutively to release your emotions quickly-
- What do I feel?(example-”Anger”/”sad”/”peaceful”…)
- Could I allow myself to welcome this feeling?(example-”yes”)
- Could I let it go?(example-”yes”)
- Would I let it go?(example-”yes”)
- When?(ideally “now” but if you are not ready say “later” and then repeat these questions to yourself until you can say “now” and release these emotions. Repeat these questions as many times as your feel comfortable asking.)
- You can answer “no” or “later” or whatever you want. Remember these questions are for yourself to ask yourself internally. (I practice them till date and these questions saved me from many difficult situations.)
See a psychotherapist. Maybe you are unable to control your anger because something needs to change in your life. Maybe you are unable to change your life yourself because you have your own biases. So go to a therapist. They might be able to help.

There’s no shame in going to a therapist because they are like doctors. You go to a doctor when you get a fever in your body. Likewise you go to a psychiatrist, psychologist or a psychotherapist when you have a “fever” or illness in your mind.

Conclusion

As I said earlier in this blog post that “I get angry sometimes. And this affects my self-esteem and peace of mind. It causes regret in me. ”.

This may not be entirely true for you or other people but regardless of that anger does more damage to your and other people’s lives than you can imagine.

Worst of all it can lead to violence, injury, death, etc. So please be careful because prevention is better than cure. Regret is one of the worst things in life. Forgiveness is the greatest religion.

Please like, share and comment what you think about this blog post.

Pleasure is not bad.

I was listening to this.

And I feel literally enchanted.

I cook sometimes at home and I notice that ingredients like garlic require preparation like peeling off the outer layers, and then grinding it.

I always wondered why we care about something so unnecessary as garlic and onions when we can always eat food without them.

But my mom reminds me that it improves the taste of the food.

So I wonder why taste is necessary. Living an ascetic life is more aligned with spirituality.

But then I recall the fact that everything in moderation is necessary.

In life we must enjoy it in moderation. Neither be an ascetic person nor an addict.

In the above video Diljit Dosanjh and Ed Sheeran sing together and it sounds magical. I am literally enchanted.

This is what makes life beautiful.

Pleasure is not bad. Pain is not bad.

Both are necessary in moderation.

Balance is key here.

Happiness is the goal of life.

My Journey from Entitlement to Realization

When I was in class 11, I was suffering. Whether it was due to some mental illness, I don’t know.

I remember I hated school. I couldn’t force myself to get dressed and go to school.

So I thought something was wrong with me.

I would play video games all day from 6 am to 2am at night.

And then I would read self-help and spirituality books to find what was wrong with me.

I went to psychologists, and they told me “You don’t have social anxiety”.

Then in class 12, I experienced psychosis. As bizarre as it may be to experience psychosis, it humbled me after spending time in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences).

I saw people my age, with more severe mental illnesses. As compared to them, I was much better off.

I was in class 12 and about to complete high school. Many of my roommates at NIMHANS hadn’t completed 7th grade.

After I was diagnosed with BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder), the opposite of thinking “I was not normal” happened. I realized slowly that my situation was very normal.

Most people have similar problems.

I was not special. And I am not entitled to special treatment.

Yes I had BPAD and a little social anxiety. But so do other people.

Yes I was entitled. And unrealistic.

Now I am more realistic and humble.

The point of all the above words is to admit to and show you- There are two arrows that we are hit by in life. One arrow is from the external world. This arrow is out of our control.

But there’s a second arrow, our reactions to the first arrow.

For example, I was not able to go to school. My mind stopped me. This is the first arrow.

But to think that something is wrong with me and to read self-help books and playing video games out of frustration is the second arrow. These were reactions to not being able to go to school.

We can’t control the world’s events but we can decide how we are going to react to them.

Thank you for reading this blog post.

3 Ways To Feel More Grateful For A Better Life

Have you ever felt like you ran out of things to be grateful for? Everyday you seem to repeat the same things in your gratitude journal and not feel as grateful.

That’s why I am writing this blog post where I will share 3 things you can do that will definitely make you feel more grateful. Plus these 3 things will improve your life and make it better.

Before I list the 3 things and explain it, I would like to share a story.

2 months ago, I was feeling very bored and unmotivated. I also wasn’t taking care of my body and was overeating and not following a routine.

So my family and I went to Gangtok, which is a place in the Sikkim state in India. There we saw snow and went to places high up in the cloudy mountains.

We saw Nathula pass, Changu lake and Baba mandir. We also went to Darjeeling where we saw Tiger Hill, and many other places of which I forgot their names. We had a lot of fun.

When I came back home, I felt very motivated. And started to take care of myself, my body, my mind and my daily routine.

I saw a video by a girl on YouTube (thewizardliz). And I was inspired.

I bought a bathing loofah and a back scrubber and a face wash. And I used them daily to keep myself clean. I still do.

I bought a yoga mat and started doing freehand exercises. I still do them.

I started living a self-loving life. And my life, and my mental health improved. Every area of my life from studying, to health, to peace of mind, moods, to anger issues, to motivation, all of them improved.

What I want to convey through this story is that although gratitude is a feeling, gratitude could also be an action or a habit that is oriented towards values like gratitude, honesty, kindness, cleanliness, friendship, positivity, persistence and so on.

It doesn’t have to be just about writing 3 things in a gratitude journal. It can be more than that. It can be an action or a habit.

Now I would like to give you the 3 ways or habits or actions that will make you feel more grateful for a better life-

Cleaning Your Room Regularly– We know the saying “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”. Cleaning your room will make you feel more positive, more decluttered and it will also make you feel grateful when you do it with a mindset of gratitude.

Ask yourself (and I am taking this key idea from Marie Kondo’s book “The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up: The Japanese Art of Decluttering and Organizing”) if the thing that you want to keep or remove while decluttering, will spark joy.

This is a new idea I got from brainstorming. I myself have done it. It feels very positive and grateful and it is also productive. I also see it as a way of making myself more positive.
Read An Inspirational Biography– I read biographies and I feel we can learn many things from them. Learning from the lives of people whom we assume as superficial can be eye-opening.

I am currently reading Tim Cook’s biography and I am shocked by how much struggle Tim Cook had to face. Just from his childhood, there is a lot to learn.

I used to think of Tim Cook as a superficial person who went to good schools and whose family had a lot of money from the start. But that’s not the truth.

I mean there’s a lot to learn about life from biographies. And it will help you feel more grateful when you do it consistently.

Even if you read just for 15 minutes everyday, it will be worth it. The key is to approach reading through the lens of curiosity.

I feel extremely grateful to get to learn about Tim Cook’s life.
Daily Journaling– I write in a journal daily,whether digital or paper journal. I love to write.

Although it may seem obvious that most people do gratitude journaling. So of course you might be journaling already. But here I am not talking just about gratitude journaling.

I am talking about consistent journaling about everything from your feelings to your stories to how your day went and so on.

You will definitely feel grateful once you approach journaling through the lens of self-improvement.

Re-reading your journal once a week or more frequently is important. It is important for healing and feeling grateful.

There could be more ways but these are some things I do myself and that’s why I shared them.

I see these activities as a commitment to my belief in myself.

Swami Vivekananda taught me to believe in myself. And he also said,”You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself”.

So first you must believe in yourself. All the ways I shared will strengthen your belief in yourself because you are essentially doing self-care and living a routine lifestyle through these habits.

I also believe that gratitude is a way of seeing the world. It’s not about thinking 10 things to be grateful for. It’s about being grateful even if something bad happens to you.

Can you be grateful even when you lose a leg or when your girlfriend leaves you? Can you be grateful when you don’t get the result you want?

It’s easy to feel grateful when you are doing well. But to do the same for the opposite condition should be the ideal goal.

So I share with you three ways to feel more grateful for a better life and I also share with you a new perspective of gratitude.

Please comment on what you will do to feel more grateful every day?

I think life is___

I think life is about being truthful and honest.

Let me explain it this way. Truthful in the way that we learn to speak our truth and rediscover ourselves. We look at ourselves honestly and accept ourselves.

I think life is about being free from inhibitions, falsehood and limitations.

Life is about asking God for strength and using that strength to bear life circumstances to do something selfless, to be selfless.

I think life is about having a dream and chasing that dream like a child who wants a chocolate except you never give up like a child.

I think life is about aiming for being the best and die in that effort metaphorically.

I think life is about being yourself by believing in yourself.

I think life is about being able to look in the mirror and love yourself fully and not compare or hate yourself or feel self-pity.

I think life is about making your mother, father and God proud. (I learnt this from a yoga class where they used to teach praying to mother, father and God before starting the yoga practice.)

I think life is about listening to your heart and healing yourself.

I think life is about believing in yourself no matter what happens.

So I hope I will be able to share more of my realizations with you in the future.

Thanks for reading this short blog post.

The Secret Which Can Reduce Your Stress Consistently

Don’t know how to deal with stress? Which activities to do to deal with stress in a healthy way?

Read this blog post to know the secret to reducing stress in a healthy way.

Lately I have been doing meaningful, useless things to reduce stress.

I have been regularly writing something unrelated to what I consider useful. And it’s helping me reduce my stress.

I feel more relaxed and able to focus on useful things more. I am able to overcome my procrastination more easily. Not only that, but I am also able to feel more connected to my passion for spirituality and philosophy.

How exactly do I do it?

Well, I started writing poems. Mystical poems, to be more specific. I have written one on this blog site. You can check it out here.

I think the key for me is to do useful things when you are bored with doing useless things. And to do useless things when you are stressed with doing useful things.

And usually useless things don’t take much time. And if they do, it’s easier to break them in parts to do later because they are not “useful”.

I am currently experimenting more with it and I think there are only a few meaningful, useless things for everyone.

You can also look at it through the lens of doing what you are passionate about. But I like to call it useless.

After all, when a passion becomes a chore, it can feel stressful and procrastination can occur in spite of you having passion for it.

I think everyone has multiple passions, and so the “useful” passion which one does as a career choice can be complemented with more “useless” passions which are not your career choice.

The point I am trying to make here is that this works for me, and it is something I wanted to share with you.

Also, do check out the poem I wrote on mysticism here.

Thank you for reading this blog post, and please share this post and comment-

How do you deal with your stress?

Why Do Some People Act Selfishly?

We all know people who act selfishly. Do you ever wonder why they do it?

I will answer this question here.

I want to start with a story.

Story

I had a friend who lied a lot. He manipulated me and other people.

When I first met him, he seemed like a smart person. He had exceptional people skills.

We quickly became friends because we agreed on most things.

One day, after a few weeks of friendship, we were returning by metro train. And he started smoking behind a pillar in the metro station area.

I was not aware of the presence of policeofficers in the area. So I asked if I could smoke as well. He handed me the cigarette and I took a puff.

Then suddenly he hinted to me that a policeofficer was coming. I quickly dropped the cigarette into the drain near the pillar.

The policeofficer only saw me smoking because I was not hidden by the pillar.

He took me to the office and asked for a fine of Rs.250.

I gave him the money, and he let me go.

Then my friend and I went to catch the metro toward home.

A few weeks after that, we parted ways because of his lying.

When I look back now, I wonder why he lied so much and manipulated me and other people.

I wonder if he wanted me to go to jail over smoking a cigarette. I wonder if he started smoking intentionally.

He used to tell me to not be so simple. He would mock me, saying that people used me and manipulated me.

I will not jump to conclusions, but the thing that fascinates me is the reason why some people act so selfishly, in such evil, and so manipulative manners. It’s as if they are the messengers of the devil himself.

But then I catch myself judging, and I ask myself, “How have I ever done similar evil things? How have I lied, manipulated or done selfish and evil things? Why did I do them?”

I don’t know the answer as of now. But one of my goals is to know why people act in selfish ways.

The reason I wrote this blog post is to make you wonder- if evil exists, where does it exist? If people act selfishly, why do they do it?

My intuition tells me that evil comes from ourselves.

Conclusion

I think evil comes from thinking that you are separate from God. I don’t know what an “evil” minded person thinks or believes, but I know that when I do something bad, I believe that I am separate from God, that I am mortal, that I need to snatch my bread from others, I need to do whatever it takes to survive in this brutal world.

And that’s all nonsense. You are not separate from God. You are immortal.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment on why you think some people act selfishly?