You know when I look up at the sky
I think of you
When I walk on the ground
I think of you
You know when I am afraid of death
I think of you
When I feel courageous to conquer life
I think of you
You know when I’m lonely
I think of you
When I have a room full of friends
I think of you
You know when I have won in life
I think of you
When I have conquered myself
I still think of you
-Anirban Saren
I wish I had the courage to tell her
That I think about her
That I care for her
That I don’t want to lose her
–
I wish I had the intelligence to understand her
To feel her pain
To let her make mistakes but
To let me feel her pain
–
I wish I was closer to her
To protect her
To be by her side
Even when she didn’t want me
–
I wish I could be someone she prefers
Someone she thinks is handsome
And be hot and cool
And everything she adores
–
I wish I could tell her
That I love her
That I just want her soul
That I just want to be there for her.
–
Anirban Saren
What could you let go of, for the sake of harmony?
If I could let go of something and if it brings harmony, I would let go of my anger.
I used to think anger was necessary to get justice.
But now I think differently.
I’ve been in NIMHANS for over 2.5 months and my perspective has changed.
What anger does is make us think emotionally and not logically.
And when I get angry, the first thing I try to do is box breathing and the 5-4-3-2-1 method.
It helps to do some kapalbhati and bhastrika yoga pranayamas.
I think I have grown a lot in these few months.
So yeah if I had to let it go, I would let go of my anger.
And then think calmly.
Anger is the enemy and we need to let it go.
Thanks for reading this line. It means a lot.
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Is she reading my poems?
Is she reading my foolishness?
Is she reading my blogs?
Is she reading my thoughts?
Does she care?
Does she even care about my life?
Does she care about my heart?
Does she have feelings for me?
Do I know her?
Do I really know her?
I guess I wanna know her?
Can I give this feeling a name?
Is she still reading this?
So my psychologist-psychiatrist doctor’s team met me yesterday and explained to me why sensitivity may not be as good.
I guess I’m working on it in my psych ward.
I asked the main doctor that if I can control my sensitivity will the solution to my problems be different from the initial anger outbursts?
He said said a big YES!
Thanks a lot for reading this line.
I’ve met and known people in my life who did great things not because they could do it but because they had to do it.
But why is that the case? Why is pain the greatest motivator instead of pleasure?
All my life I wanted to start a business.
And I did start a business after high school.
But I had to close it because of my unique circumstances.
But I wasn’t doing well in that business when I ran it.
I lacked motivation and I was lazy.
I started the business because I was scared of my responsibility for studying for graduation.
At that time I was thinking about dropping from regular college and I hadn’t yet taken admission in an online degree course.
And I was lost.
Long story short, I closed that business because of my unique circumstances.
Mostly because I felt anxious about running the business.
But then after I closed the business I had to study for graduation.
After a lot of listening to sad songs and realistic advice from YouTube, I studied for my graduation and graduated with a Bachelor’s of Business Administration degree.
It was at this time I felt my beliefs about the world were becoming more realistic and my mind was getting calmer.
Beliefs like “A degree is just a piece of paper” just went out the window and I realised that a degree is “more valuable than a million dollars”.
Beliefs like “psychologists don’t know anything” was replaced by “psychologists are trained professionals who know what they are doing. Their advice is backed by scientific research.”
I score 70% in my graduation which is good. (I am proud of myself no matter what because I had BPAD and I did it in spite of that.)
And this success in my graduation was not fueled by avoidance but pain.
If I didn’t graduate from college, I can’t get even the most basic corporate job.
Without a job there’s no income because business is not easy for most people.
I guess most of the startups fail within the first few years.
And I am not from a rich family.
This realisation was painful and I would sleep for hours during the day but one day I realised that I need to fight for my highest possibility.
And so I did. And with God’s grace I won.
So actually there is no pleasure or pain in reality. They are just perceptions of the mind.
And sometimes the truth is painful.
I guess I don’t know the scientific reason why pain is more powerful than pleasure. I guess you can tell me in the comments section.
But I hope my story shed some light on this question.
I’m glad you read this line. Thanks a lot!
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The post discusses the struggle between desiring success and the need for satisfaction, particularly for individuals dealing with mental health issues. It highlights how trauma can hinder achievement, affecting self-esteem and confidence. The author encourages mental health fighters to forgive themselves for not meeting their success expectations, emphasizing understanding and compassion.
Everybody knows that they should be satisfied with what they have.
And yet they (including me) seek more success and more achievements.
And the funny thing is they can’t suppress their desire for success by telling themselves to be satisfied. No one can.
If you want success and you are not satisfied, don’t force yourself to be satisfied.
But sometimes, especially in the case of mental health fighters, one cannot fulfill all of their desires of success because of their traumatic mental illness related experiences and the time it takes to heal through medicines and counseling.
It’s like a handicap situation.
The hardships that people with mental illnesses go through leave them in a situation from where it’s difficult to achieve success with the same energy and force as before the mental illness.
Their self-esteem is damaged. Their self-confidence is damaged. Plus there are the symptoms of their specific mental illnesses.
And it takes a lot to have just a little success let alone more success.
So mental health fighters need to forgive themselves if they can’t do certain things or if they can’t perform at the level that’s required for achieving their expectations of success.
That’s what I wanted to write in this blog post.
Thank you for reading this blog post. And please comment if you struggled with mental illness and how you feel about success and satisfaction?
In this blog post, I write why it’s ok to not be spiritual.
I will write my opinion here and it’s not necessarily correct or scientifically verifiable.
I was listening to Ramakrishna Mission’s Swami Sarvapriyananda’s talk on focus, self-confidence and selflessness yesterday and I felt inspired by him. I got so inspired that I studied my academic books for a long time yesterday.
Today I was listening to his talk on Brahman. And I remembered that I get scared when I listen to and think about these spiritual topics.
I think this happens because I have some psychological trauma or neurosis that triggers fear in me. I don’t know if this is scientifically true.
So I am not spiritual in the sense that I don’t meditate, read scriptures, or do any kind of yoga. But I have faith in God.
There may be many people who are not spiritual. Maybe they don’t have the time or they don’t prioritise it or maybe they have fear in their minds like me.
And it’s OK. It’s totally fine if one doesn’t do spirituality or believes in it.
I believe that spirituality is about being yourself. It’s about realising your faults and blessings and becoming a good human being.
A good human being in behaviour and thinking in every aspect of life and with all human beings and living organisms and the environment.
A big part of being spiritual in my opinion is to realise that you are not perfect and that you can be a better human being. It’s about prioritising “self-realisation” and by that, I mean realising your highest good nature.
Suppose you are a substance addict. You clearly are not being yourself and not being a human being you can be proud of.
In that case, you need to go to the doctor and go through the addiction recovery process. And you will become a better human being in that process.
In this way, you are (self-) realising your potential goodness to reality. I think that in the first step of the twelve-step program by Alcoholics Anonymous, one needs to admit their problems honestly.
twelve-step program
APA Dictionary of Psychology[1]
a distinctive approach to overcoming addictive, compulsive, or behavioral problems that was developed initially in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to guide recovery from alcoholism and is now used, often in an adapted form, by a number of other self-help groups. The twelve-step program in AA asks each member to (a) admit that he or she cannot control his or her drinking; (b) recognize a supreme spiritual power, which can give the member strength; (c) examine past errors, a process that is carried out with another member who serves as sponsor; (d) make amends for these errors; (e) develop a new code and style of life; and (f) help other alcoholics who are in need of support. Variations of this model also exist for drug abuse and addiction, gambling addiction, and other problems.
So what’s that? That’s realising your faults. That’s moving towards self-realisation.
You don’t need to read spiritual books to be spiritual. You are spiritual by your very nature.
But in the common sense of the word, I think it’s not necessary to be spiritual. And it’s Ok if you are not.
Even though I am not spiritual, I will probably listen to Swamiji’s talks on non-spiritual topics. And continue occasional deep breathing relaxation techniques when necessary.
Maybe the thing is my time hasn’t arrived yet to dive into spirituality. Maybe that’s the case. Who knows? I will just have faith in God and do the right thing now and when the time comes.
Thank you for reading this blog post on why it’s ok to not be spiritual. Please comment- Are you spiritual? You are also welcome to explain why you are or aren’t spiritual.
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