Tag: spirituality

What I Learnt From Psychosis

In 2017, I faced a challenging journey through psychosis, filled with confusion and intense experiences. However, this struggle taught me valuable lessons in humility, the importance of grounding oneself in science, and trusting mental health professionals. Ultimately, I emerged grateful for the growth and self-belief I gained from this experience.

When I was 17, I had a psychotic episode. Or more precisely one major psychotic episode and many mania episodes spread around the months of the year 2017.

So 2017 wasn’t really a happy year for me.

So before I jump into what lessons I learnt, I want to give you a brief explanation of my experience.

Brief History of My Psychosis

Here are the things I experienced-

  1. I suspected that everyone wanted to kill me.
  2. I thought I was God (literally).
  3. I thought I was in an alternate reality where I could do anything I wanted and no one would hold me accountable.
  4. I thought I would write in a journal and if I scribbled over it, it would become real.
  5. I thought I was channeling some spirits by writing in a journal.
  6. I even thought I was doing automatic writing (actually).
  7. I would notice something and associate it with synchronicities. (For example, if I thought a negative thought and the dog outside barked at that moment, I thought it was God telling me to stop thinking that thought).
  8. Things would happen to rescue me from difficult situations and I noticed them instantly like someone playing a soothing music that would make me feel calm.
  9. When I closed my eyes, I would think I have no thoughts. I would be afraid to close my eyes because it was just too empty inside my mind(thoughtless).
  10. I also couldn’t sleep at night (insomnia).

The Actual Learnings

Here are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience-

  1. Humility
    I learnt that what the scriptures say that “Aham Brahmasmi” (You are that), it’s not literally true in the gross sense of the word “ego” or “I”.

    When we say I am God, we don’t mean that the person that you are is God. We mean… well I don’t know. But we shouldn’t take it literally.

    If you don’t know the truth, you need to stay humble and admit that you don’t know everything.
  2. Belief In Science
    I learnt to ground myself in science. I know spiritual beliefs sound cool. But they are not practical.

    Automatic writing may be real, but there may not be spirits or souls to channel or do automatic writing with.

    There’s always a scientific explanation.
  3. Coincidences are real
    There are coincidences and those may be planned by God. But there may not be any synchronicities.

    It means if something happens and if you superstitiously believe something else like someone’s photo frame falling from the wall and breaking doesn’t mean that their life is in danger.
  4. Trust Psychiatry and Psychology
    These two fields: psychiatry and psychology, are a Godsend for people like me.

    They help you heal from the inside.

    And if only you take the medications regularly and go to therapy regularly, then you can improve your mental health.
  5. Belief in Myself
    I learnt self-belief without thinking that I am omnipotent.

    Swami Vivekananda said that he who doesn’t believe in God is not an atheist, he who doesn’t believe in himself is an atheist.

    I believe in myself. I believe in Anirban(me).

Conclusion

These are the things I learnt from my psychotic experience in 2017.

If my psychosis hadn’t happened I would still be more superstitious than I am today. I am grateful for my psychosis.

I am way more scientific minded now because of my negative experiences with psychosis.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you like this blog post, please like, comment and share with your friends and family members.

Pleasure is not bad.

I was listening to this.

And I feel literally enchanted.

I cook sometimes at home and I notice that ingredients like garlic require preparation like peeling off the outer layers, and then grinding it. 

I always wondered why we care about something so unnecessary as garlic and onions when we can always eat food without them.

But my mom reminds me that it improves the taste of the food.

So I wonder why taste is necessary. Living an ascetic life is more aligned with spirituality.

But then I recall the fact that everything in moderation is necessary.

In life we must enjoy it in moderation. Neither be an ascetic person nor an addict.

In the above video Diljit Dosanjh and Ed Sheeran sing together and it sounds magical. I am literally enchanted.

This is what makes life beautiful.

Pleasure is not bad. Pain is not bad.

Both are necessary in moderation.

Balance is key here.

Happiness is the goal of life. 

A King

What do I have to say to you?
Everything and nothing.
Bless me with your blessing.
For I am searching for immortality.

What do I have to give to you?
My soul, O Lord.
Take it, take it all.
For I am a king, as you know by now.

What do I have to please you?
My faith in you.
For I am a beggar in reality.
A beggar who hasn’t found your treasure.

What do I have to sacrifice for you?
Because you are my friend.
You want only one thing in return.
To be believed in with the heart of a child.

-Anirban Saren

Why Do Some People Act Selfishly?

We all know people who act selfishly. Do you ever wonder why they do it?

I will answer this question here.

I want to start with a story. 

Story

I had a friend who lied a lot. He manipulated me and other people. 

When I first met him, he seemed like a smart person. He had exceptional people skills. 

We quickly became friends because we agreed on most things. 

One day, after a few weeks of friendship, we were returning by metro train. And he started smoking behind a pillar in the metro station area.

I was not aware of the presence of policeofficers in the area. So I asked if I could smoke as well. He handed me the cigarette and I took a puff. 

Then suddenly he hinted to me that a policeofficer was coming. I quickly dropped the cigarette into the drain near the pillar. 

The policeofficer only saw me smoking because I was not hidden by the pillar. 

He took me to the office and asked for a fine of Rs.250. 

I gave him the money, and he let me go.

Then my friend and I went to catch the metro toward home. 

A few weeks after that, we parted ways because of his lying. 

When I look back now, I wonder why he lied so much and manipulated me and other people.

I wonder if he wanted me to go to jail over smoking a cigarette. I wonder if he started smoking intentionally.

He used to tell me to not be so simple. He would mock me, saying that people used me and manipulated me. 

I will not jump to conclusions, but the thing that fascinates me is the reason why some people act so selfishly, in such evil, and so manipulative manners. It’s as if they are the messengers of the devil himself.

But then I catch myself judging, and I ask myself, “How have I ever done similar evil things? How have I lied, manipulated or done selfish and evil things? Why did I do them?”

I don’t know the answer as of now. But one of my goals is to know why people act in selfish ways.

The reason I wrote this blog post is to make you wonder- if evil exists, where does it exist? If people act selfishly, why do they do it? 

My intuition tells me that evil comes from ourselves. 

Conclusion

I think evil comes from thinking that you are separate from God. I don’t know what an “evil” minded person thinks or believes, but I know that when I do something bad, I believe that I am separate from God, that I am mortal, that I need to snatch my bread from others, I need to do whatever it takes to survive in this brutal world.

And that’s all nonsense. You are not separate from God. You are immortal.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment on why you think some people act selfishly?

How to deal with anxiety?

In this blog post, I will share some 8 tips on how to deal with anxiety. 

As you might be knowing, I have anxiety and I have learnt to reduce it and live my life with it.

I had social anxiety since I was a teenager and it was both a boon and a bane. I learnt a lot from facing my anxiety.

Other than the advice that my psychiatrist and psychologist gave me, there are my own insights.

I will write a blog post on my psychogists’ advice another day but today I want to share how to deal with anxiety.

Here they are-

  1. Do what you are passionate about

When we do what we are passionate about we become more relaxed and happier. This leads to confidence and peace of mind and calm. It helps us deal with anxiety better.

Living with purpose helps us become more confident and gives us the motivation to overcome anxiety. 

  1.  Take extra responsibility and initiative

This is what increases our mental strength and makes us more resilient. If we take more responsibility we will be more active and busy. We’ll also get the confidence to face our anxiety and fears. 

  1. Dance like nobody’s watching(live a moral life and not care what people think of us)

If we want to live a full life, we have to not care about what people think about us. We need to dance like nobody’s watching. 

But in reality, people do watch when we dance in public. And so we need to become good human beings. We need to be selfless and caring, in a non-people-pleasing way.

  1. Sitting down and calmly observing your feelings

I do this almost every time I get anxious. I don’t rush things. I take 5mins of silence and just observe my feelings. This gives me space and the clarity of mind to make a good decision.

  1. Listen to inspiring songs

This is a surefire way to convert anxiety into inspiration. It almost always works. I like to listen to Shakira and Sia and some EDM songs.

  1. Tell yourself “LIFE IS HARD” 

You won’t believe me but it works like a charm. This is one of my truths and most people’s truths. 

“Life is hard and not facing anxiety is not helping you. You will be stuck and fall behind and waste valuable time if you don’t face your anxiety. No one cares to expect your family whether you have anxiety or not. Other people only see that you are a success or a failure. So get up and fight.”

I say something similar to myself.

  1. You don’t have to give a 100% effort

You just need to get up and fight. Winning or losing isn’t in your hands but trying is. So try. You just have to get started.

  1. If you can’t overcome anxiety for some reason, then don’t blame yourself, accept yourself

Acceptance is powerful. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Not everyone is built the same way. You feel anxious to do public speaking but maybe you can edit videos pretty well. Work on your strengths and deal with your weaknesses. And forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment- 

Which tip will you use this week for dealing with anxiety?

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If you want medical advice, please contact a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Trying: The Secret Of The Universe

What is the secret of the universe that moves mountains, that accomplishes the impossible, that gives power to the good people, that makes truth win, that echoes through eternity the truth that cannot be denied?

I say it is in trying. Tenacity, trying, persistence, sticking with it.

This is the secret of the universe. It is in trying that we find success, even if we fail.

There are no shortcuts and even if there is, unless you try the eleventh time after failing 10 times, you will not succeed.

A few days ago I was very anxious of going outside my house. And I was laying in bed thinking why was I not able to study or do something consistently. And I laying in bed and saying to myself,”I am unable to go.”

But something happened. My mother asked me to get up and get ready to go. Even though I repeated my mantra “I am unable to go.” , my mother force me to get up by playing some music on the TV.

Now it is a smart TV and the controls are advanced. But my mother tried again and again to figure it out and what I saw in that moment was a mother’s unending love and tenacity for her child. She eventually figured it out and played some Santhali songs.

And I got up and we went outside as planned.

What I want to say through this anecdote is that love moves mountains. Tenacity, trying, persistence are the qualities in a person who can move mountains.

By moving mountains, I mean doing what seems impossible. It is truly inspiring.

This is why trying matters. Trying matters because it is an act of faith. You don’t know whether you will succeed or not. But you are giving your best to it despite all possibilities of failure.

Thank you for reading this blog post. I am grateful for you reading this post. Please answer this question in the comments section- On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you agree that “trying” is the secret of the universe?

Faith Is Important

In this blog post, I will write about why faith is important in life.

So basically, I was of the school of thought that unless one experiences something one should not believe in it.

Whether it’s belief in God or belief in any idea or principle or anything that changes the way we live life, I used to think that we should try out new ideas and then prove to ourselves if it is true in our experience.

But I have always wondered what the most worthy goal in life is and what is the most real and meaningful cause to which I can fight and dedicate my life without feeling like I am wasting my time in life.

And from there started my pursuit of Truth.

What is the truth? What is the most real thing? What is worthy of hard work and personal struggle? What is worthy of fighting for? What is not empty? What is true?

At first in class 11, I went to get a better education to find this real thing. I thought if I can get into a good school I will be able to dedicate my life to it and find something worth fighting for. But questions started appearing in my mind.

I doubted my beliefs and asked myself,” I know that a good education is very important. But I don’t feel happy. I am suffering. And I have lost my sense of direction and hunger in life. Also, I don’t even know if this subject I am studying is meaningful. I want to be an engineer. But why? Why do I want to be an engineer? Why? I could do career counselling but will I really find the answer in other professions? I will feel empty even then, and I will probably ask the why question after I lose my passion for that profession.”

So I started losing interest in formal education. (I am in college now studying seriously.)

Then I started pursuing money in business by learning digital marketing. I started a blog, a youtube channel, a clothing e-commerce store, etc.

And I found success here and there but I still had the feeling of emptiness and meaninglessness that gradually entered my pursuit of money.

I remember I was doing an internship as an insurance agent for a big company and I did well in the interview and training. I was punctual all the time and very serious about success, but I gave up before the joining date because I could not see meaning in that job. (Little did I know that the meaning that I am searching for is in me and not outside in objects.)

So I started losing interest in money. (I am regardlessly going to start a business in the future)

Then I started feeling depressed.

But…

This is where things changed. I started believing in God. I surrendered and took action.

Life without God is empty and meaningless. Even things that are meaningful in the beginning seem meaningless if we don’t believe in something real.

If one believes in God, then a simple thing looks beautiful, one finds joy in the little things in life. But if one doesn’t believe in God, then all the wealth of the world can’t make one happy.

It started with me one day noticing that a girl and her mother at NIMHANS chanting a religious mantra one evening while chilling, and it hit me that I can also try that approach. I could try to have faith in God. Since nothing works, then let’s try this.

And I found that it is a source of immense love, power, strength and wisdom. It made suffering make sense and my life got better.

Then one day I was reading Swami Vivekananda’s quote-

“You cannot believe in God until you believe in yourself.” – Swami Vivekananda

And I started consciously strengthening my belief in myself.

What I am trying to say through this blog post is this-

Faith is important.

Without faith, one will find it very difficult to find the truth.

Personally, I still get doubts but I have surrendered my fears to God. I know that there is a reality that is truly real. I don’t need to hold on to objects of the mind or the world to feel secure. I just need to hold on to God.

The reason faith is important for finding the truth, is that faith and truth are not opposite words, but where truth cannot be reached by the mind, faith is the guide to truth.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you liked this post then please comment, why is faith important to you?

What Is Hope To Me? (Warning: Sensitive Mental Health Story)

Hope to me is an angelic force that knows when I need answers most, when I need to learn a lesson, when I need to suffer, when I need to realise the truth about a situation and when the right time comes I need to surrender.

Story

I remember after my major psychotic episode in 2017, I was taken to the hospital. And I was so scared. I thought strange thoughts and was so scared.

When the doctor came, he asked something which I don’t remember. But I said, “I love you”.

The doctor smiled and said something like “You love me?”

Then I forgot what happened. My parents visited me and I was relieved.

Later the hospital referred me to NIMHANS, Bangalore.

I had no hope except my belief that there’s something higher in existence that is most true and divine.

So I said,” I love you” to the doctor. Not because he was beautiful or something else. But because I was scared. I was so scared of myself, so scared of my thoughts and I had no confidence in myself during my psychotic episode. I had to believe in that invisible higher truth/force which most probably is the expression of the words ”I love you”.

Love is, in my opinion, one of the closest expressions of truth.

Maybe I said it because I was scared. But that’s what I felt would keep me sane.

And I was referred to NIMHANS, where they treated me further and I made many new friends.

Slowly things got better.

And things are much better now. I haven’t had to go through psychosis since 2017 and I am well on my way to graduating college and finding work.

Conclusion

I think things are never bad indefinitely. Life gets better. There’s hope. And there’s family, friends, work, truth, etc.

As the famous proverb says- This Too Shall Pass. I too say “This Too Shall Pass”.

Thank you for reading this blog post on what is hope to me. Please comment, what is hope to you in a few words?

Why It’s Ok To Not Be Spiritual

In this blog post, I write why it’s ok to not be spiritual.

I will write my opinion here and it’s not necessarily correct or scientifically verifiable. 

Why I Am Not Spiritual

I was listening to Ramakrishna Mission’s Swami Sarvapriyananda’s talk on focus, self-confidence and selflessness yesterday and I felt inspired by him. I got so inspired that I studied my academic books for a long time yesterday.

Today I was listening to his talk on Brahman. And I remembered that I get scared when I listen to and think about these spiritual topics. 

I think this happens because I have some psychological trauma or neurosis that triggers fear in me. I don’t know if this is scientifically true.

So I am not spiritual in the sense that I don’t meditate, read scriptures, or do any kind of yoga. But I have faith in God.

There may be many people who are not spiritual. Maybe they don’t have the time or they don’t prioritise it or maybe they have fear in their minds like me. 

And it’s OK. It’s totally fine if one doesn’t do spirituality or believes in it.

I believe that spirituality is about being yourself. It’s about realising your faults and blessings and becoming a good human being. 

A good human being in behaviour and thinking in every aspect of life and with all human beings and living organisms and the environment. 

A big part of being spiritual in my opinion is to realise that you are not perfect and that you can be a better human being. It’s about prioritising “self-realisation” and by that, I mean realising your highest good nature.

Example of Addiction Recovery

Suppose you are a substance addict. You clearly are not being yourself and not being a human being you can be proud of. 

In that case, you need to go to the doctor and go through the addiction recovery process. And you will become a better human being in that process.

In this way, you are (self-) realising your potential goodness to reality. I think that in the first step of the twelve-step program by Alcoholics Anonymous, one needs to admit their problems honestly. 

twelve-step program
a distinctive approach to overcoming addictive, compulsive, or behavioral problems that was developed initially in Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) to guide recovery from alcoholism and is now used, often in an adapted form, by a number of other self-help groups. The twelve-step program in AA asks each member to (a) admit that he or she cannot control his or her drinking; (b) recognize a supreme spiritual power, which can give the member strength; (c) examine past errors, a process that is carried out with another member who serves as sponsor; (d) make amends for these errors; (e) develop a new code and style of life; and (f) help other alcoholics who are in need of support. Variations of this model also exist for drug abuse and addiction, gambling addiction, and other problems.

APA Dictionary of Psychology[1]

So what’s that? That’s realising your faults. That’s moving towards self-realisation.

You don’t need to read spiritual books to be spiritual. You are spiritual by your very nature.

But in the common sense of the word, I think it’s not necessary to be spiritual. And it’s Ok if you are not.

Even though I am not spiritual, I will probably listen to Swamiji’s talks on non-spiritual topics. And continue occasional deep breathing relaxation techniques when necessary. 

Maybe the thing is my time hasn’t arrived yet to dive into spirituality. Maybe that’s the case. Who knows? I will just have faith in God and do the right thing now and when the time comes.

Conclusion

Thank you for reading this blog post on why it’s ok to not be spiritual. Please comment- Are you spiritual? You are also welcome to explain why you are or aren’t spiritual.

References-

  1. APA Dictionary of Psychology -Twelve-Step Program, https://dictionary.apa.org/twelve-step-program