My Journey from Entitlement to Realization

When I was in class 11, I was suffering. Whether it was due to some mental illness, I don’t know. 

I remember I hated school. I couldn’t force myself to get dressed and go to school. 

So I thought something was wrong with me.

I would play video games all day from 6 am to 2am at night. 

And then I would read self-help and spirituality books to find what was wrong with me.

I went to psychologists, and they told me “You don’t have social anxiety”.

Then in class 12, I experienced psychosis. As bizarre as it may be to experience psychosis, it humbled me after spending time in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences).

I saw people my age, with more severe mental illnesses. As compared to them, I was much better off.

I was in class 12 and about to complete high school. Many of my roommates at NIMHANS hadn’t completed 7th grade.

After I was diagnosed with BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder), the opposite of thinking “I was not normal” happened. I realized slowly that my situation was very normal. 

Most people have similar problems.

I was not special. And I am not entitled to special treatment.

Yes I had BPAD and a little social anxiety. But so do other people. 

Yes I was entitled. And unrealistic. 

Now I am more realistic and humble.

The point of all the above words is to admit to and show you- There are two arrows that we are hit by in life. One arrow is from the external world. This arrow is out of our control.

But there’s a second arrow, our reactions to the first arrow.

For example, I was not able to go to school. My mind stopped me. This is the first arrow.

But to think that something is wrong with me and to read self-help books and playing video games out of frustration is the second arrow. These were reactions to not being able to go to school.

We can’t control the world’s events but we can decide how we are going to react to them.

Thank you for reading this blog post. 

If you feel toxic masculinity is a problem, then read this.

When I used to return home from school, I had to walk 10 minutes from my school to catch the bus(main)  which took me to my home bus stop. 

But there was another bus stand near my school where I got other buses to take me to the next bus stop where I could get my (main) bus. 

So I used to take a bus ride to the next bus stop where I could catch my (main) bus because I used to feel too tired for the 10-minute walk.

One day I got on the first bus and two of my male classmates were on that bus. 

And they asked me something like where I was going. I said that I was only taking the bus to go to the next stop where I would catch the (main) bus. 

As I said this they cracked a joke. I don’t remember the exact joke. But I remember that the joke was on me. They meant to say I was “half-man” for not walking 10 minutes and taking the first bus.

This was one of my many experiences with toxic masculinity. 

There are other experiences like always having expectations to be emotionless among male friends, talking about sports too much or simply disrespecting girls by considering them to be less human or worse. 

And I hate this. 

I hate this because this is a violation of our deepest ethics. 

Do you have a sister? Do you or did you have a mother? How would you feel or what would you do if someone disrespected or did worse to them?

But just to be clear about my above experience of the bus, I think these standards of masculinity are very toxic. 

“If you cry, you are not a man”

“If you take a bus to avoid pain, you are not  a man.”

“If you watch romance movies, you are not a man.”

“If you follow your wife’s advice, you are not a man.”

I am not saying that there’s something wrong with being gay. But the word “half-man” in the above experience meant more than just LGBTQ. It meant not walking for 10 minutes and having less stamina, less alpha, less muscular, less testosterone, less extroverted, less confident, less aggressive, less stoic, less power, less control, less military, and less manly.

How can not walking for 10 minutes make you look “half-man”? The truth is I am emotional, I am not very muscular or extroverted or aggressive or stoic or controlling or military. But does that mean I am less manly?

“We now understand that femininity and masculinity are not innate but are based upon social and cultural conditions. Anthropologist Margaret Mead addressed the issue of differences in temperament of males and females in Sex and Temperament in Three Primitive Societies (1935). This early study concluded that there are no necessary differences in traits or temperaments between the sexes. Observed differences in temperament between men and women are not a function of their biological differences. Rather, they result from differences in socialization and the cultural expectations held for each sex.”

https://www.encyclopedia.com/social-sciences/encyclopedias-almanacs-transcripts-and-maps/femininitymasculinity

Even if the above quote said that the differences between men and women “are” due to biological differences, I would still advocate against toxic masculinity. Because toxic masculinity is unethical. 

I believe that I am not less of a man. I can love reading, cooking, skincare, spirituality, romance movies and books, Sims 4 and so on and still be a man. 

I can love those things and still fall in love with a woman, start a family, take the kids to karate class, ride a bike, drive a car, be happy, make a million dollars, start a startup, go to Martin Garrix’s shows, get tattoos, etc. because it’s time start making the meanings of words like “man” and “woman” a little loose.

I am listening to “Don’t Look Down” by Martin Garrix and Usher. And I think this is perfect for ending this blog post because this song means freedom and community to me. 

And freedom from toxic masculinity and a community where women and feminine energy are not looked down upon and disrespected is what is needed now. 

Let’s make freedom and a community that is free of toxic masculinity a reality.

How to deal with anxiety?

In this blog post, I will share some 8 tips on how to deal with anxiety. 

As you might be knowing, I have anxiety and I have learnt to reduce it and live my life with it.

I had social anxiety since I was a teenager and it was both a boon and a bane. I learnt a lot from facing my anxiety.

Other than the advice that my psychiatrist and psychologist gave me, there are my own insights.

I will write a blog post on my psychogists’ advice another day but today I want to share how to deal with anxiety.

Here they are-

  1. Do what you are passionate about

When we do what we are passionate about we become more relaxed and happier. This leads to confidence and peace of mind and calm. It helps us deal with anxiety better.

Living with purpose helps us become more confident and gives us the motivation to overcome anxiety. 

  1.  Take extra responsibility and initiative

This is what increases our mental strength and makes us more resilient. If we take more responsibility we will be more active and busy. We’ll also get the confidence to face our anxiety and fears. 

  1. Dance like nobody’s watching(live a moral life and not care what people think of us)

If we want to live a full life, we have to not care about what people think about us. We need to dance like nobody’s watching. 

But in reality, people do watch when we dance in public. And so we need to become good human beings. We need to be selfless and caring, in a non-people-pleasing way.

  1. Sitting down and calmly observing your feelings

I do this almost every time I get anxious. I don’t rush things. I take 5mins of silence and just observe my feelings. This gives me space and the clarity of mind to make a good decision.

  1. Listen to inspiring songs

This is a surefire way to convert anxiety into inspiration. It almost always works. I like to listen to Shakira and Sia and some EDM songs.

  1. Tell yourself “LIFE IS HARD” 

You won’t believe me but it works like a charm. This is one of my truths and most people’s truths. 

“Life is hard and not facing anxiety is not helping you. You will be stuck and fall behind and waste valuable time if you don’t face your anxiety. No one cares to expect your family whether you have anxiety or not. Other people only see that you are a success or a failure. So get up and fight.”

I say something similar to myself.

  1. You don’t have to give a 100% effort

You just need to get up and fight. Winning or losing isn’t in your hands but trying is. So try. You just have to get started.

  1. If you can’t overcome anxiety for some reason, then don’t blame yourself, accept yourself

Acceptance is powerful. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Not everyone is built the same way. You feel anxious to do public speaking but maybe you can edit videos pretty well. Work on your strengths and deal with your weaknesses. And forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment- 

Which tip will you use this week for dealing with anxiety?

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If you want medical advice, please contact a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

8 Reasons Why I Need To Learn Santhali (My Mother Tongue)

In this blog post, I will write about why it’s important that I learn and know Santhali, my mother tongue.

I am a Santhal, from the Santali community. We are one of the biggest Adivasi communities in India and we have our own language, our own script, our own religion and everything else.

Growing up I didn’t get the opportunity to be surrounded by people from my Santhali community. And so I don’t know how to speak my mother tongue fluently.

My grandparents came to the city from their village for jobs. My parents know Santhali but I face problems with that.

So you might think, why is this guy writing a blog post on learning his mother tongue? Isn’t knowing English and Hindi enough to live a good life in India?

My answer is “No”.

Knowing my mother tongue is important for many reasons-

  1. Survival of our identity as Santhals
  2. Survival of our culture
  3. Empowering our people to live self-actualised lives
  4. Contributing to the larger society through sharing the wisdom and lessons from our culture
  5. Celebrating the sacrifices of our leaders
  6. Creating Santhali literature in our own Ol Chiki script
  7. Feeling unity and pride for our community
  8. Upholding our religious and spiritual practices and traditions

I am sure there are more reasons but these came to my mind at the moment.

So currently I am learning Santhali and Ol Chiki script on my own. I would love some guidance but even if I don’t get the guidance, I believe I will be able to learn them very quickly with conscious effort if I am focused.

I am listening to the Santhali Akhra radio show on AIR Kolkata Geetanjali Akashwani radio station almost every day and I am asking my family members to speak to me in Santhali. I also listen to Santhali songs and I especially love Singrai Soren’s “Sekej Sekej” song.

Sometimes I feel demotivated due to my slow progress but I need to have faith in myself and a little patience to learn the language and the script.

So this was my blog post on why it’s important for me to learn Santhali. Please comment- What is your mother tongue and do you know it well?