The author recounts a challenging experience with a coaching center regarding the CA Foundation exam, highlighting their struggles with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. They emphasize the importance of gratitude for personal strengths and mental health, recognizing that everyone’s journey is different and that worth isn’t solely defined by academic success.
A few months ago I got a phone call from a popular coaching center in India.
The person on the other side asked if I had taken the CA Foundation exam. She also asked other questions that were somehow rude.
So she asked-
- “Have you taken the CA Foundation exam?” I had taken admission in their CA Foundation batch for a few months despite finding it difficult to cope with the demands of its preparation. And yes I find it demanding because I had BPAD and Social Anxiety and I am not special. I answered her with a “No.”
- “Why not?” was her next question. I answered “I have dropped out of it.”
- “Why?” was her yet another question. I answered “I was finding it difficult.”
- “You were finding CA Foundation difficult??” I could hear her disgust and confusion through the phone call. I kindly hung up.
The above is what happened a few months ago.
For those who don’t know,CA exams or the Chartered Accountancy exams, being one of the most difficult exams in India and the world, are divided into 3 exams, foundation, intermediate and finals. After qualifying in all of them, you become a Chartered Accountant which is one of the highest and most powerful positions in accounting and finance. And most commerce students in India aim for being a CA. It takes on average about 5-7 years to become a CA(might be less due to recent changes).
So I wanted to give this a shot. But my bipolar affective disorder and anxiety shot through the roof and stress came. I was weak in academics and I found CA studies difficult. But mostly because of my inability to study for more than a few hours daily.
Well after writing this what I want to tell you is-
Be grateful for what you have.
Maybe you are struggling with mental health issues. Maybe you can’t do some things because your mind causes problems. Maybe you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Depression or Anxiety or you struggle with severely negative thoughts.
You are not alone.
Some people are lucky to have everything and be normal.
Some people are lucky to have a healthy mind, a healthy body, a great family, and a great partner.
And then in my case, some people are lucky to be able to focus, study long hours, go to coaching classes, attend classes online, ask doubts without feeling sick in the stomach, etc.
Some people forget to be grateful about these things.
Even I take my family, my life, my friends, my intellect, my writing skills, my creativity, my technical savviness,etc. for granted sometimes.
So be grateful for what you have even if it looks less in quantity than other peoples’ shares.
Trust me when I say, “God has better plans for you than you can even imagine, plans that you don’t yet see.”
So when the person on the call asked me “You were finding CA Foundation difficult?”, I didn’t want to say anything because she won’t understand.
Unless one goes through the same painful circumstances, one won’t understand you.
I don’t blame anyone. I am a good and worthwhile person and I know my worth.
Maybe I am not the best at something. Maybe I am not super hardworking.
Maybe I can’t study for 7 hours daily for CA Foundation. Maybe I can’t deal with the stress that others find quite manageable. Maybe I can’t score 90% marks in most exams.
But I have a good heart. I am scoring 70-75%. I am studying for 2 hours daily.
And personally I am fighting every day. I am fighting nature, I am fighting my BPAD and social anxiety. I am slowly moving forward.
I am not answerable to anyone about why I am not scoring 90%. Or why I am not a “successful” person.
Thank you for reading!
