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All Is Vanity – Sab E Maya

Daily writing prompt

What tattoo do you want and where would you put it?

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I want a tattoo that says “All Is Vanity” and I would put it on my right arm.

Christina Grimmie

I would do this because I’m inspired by my favorite singer, Christina Grimmie.

She had a tattoo exactly like this and I want to remember her every day through this tattoo.

She loved Jesus and she cared for her fans(or “frands” as she called us).

We had a ritual. Instead of saying “Team Grimmie Rocks” she would say “Team Grimmie Rawwks \|/”.

But in June 2016, she was murdered and we lost an angel.

She was a good person, she achieved quite a bit of success with over 3 million subscribers on YouTube and success in “The Voice” TV music show.

But God took her back.

In these moments we start to question “Why do bad things happen to good people?”

But the truth is we must trust God’s plan. God’s plan is greater than our plans. This was said in Christina’s Memorial Service as on YouTube.

But we still have her music and we must share it. So I’m sharing it with you.

Please subscribe to her YouTube channel.

https://www.youtube.com/@christinagrimmie

I believe listening to Christina’s music will help most people find inner strength to fight life’s challenges and find hope.

My Understanding

Other than that, from my humble perspective the meaning of the tattoo is beautiful.

I’m not a deeply religious person, but I care about God and love God.

I believe that serving mankind is serving God. God lives in each one of us.

So if we serve others, we are serving God indirectly or rather more directly than praying in a temple or a church.

But from the context of this tattoo “All Is Vanity”, I know a term “Maya”.

In India we say “Sab e maya”. “All is illusory”.

Maya means illusion in the most basic sense.

Please correct me if I’m wrong, but I understand that God is the ultimate reality.

Whether you call it God, or Brahman, or Paramatman, it doesn’t matter.

There is this realization. I don’t know what this realization is.

But it is the realization that changes everything.

This realization is the realization of the Truth, God, the Ultimate Reality,etc.

And all the temporary achievements we have and all the attachments and desires are all maya, an illusion.

Conclusion

I’m glad that you are reading this line. Thanks a lot!

Met Sri M in Kolkata many years ago

A few years ago, I met Sri M who is a spiritual teacher, social reformer, educationist, author and global speaker.

Here’s a brief introduction of Sri M-

https://satsang-foundation.org/the-founder-sri-m/

He came to our city for his book release. The book’s name is “Shunya” which in English means Zero or Nothing or No-thing.

We went to the auditorium and we watched discussions and classical Hindustani music show I guess.

Then there was a Q/A round.

I promptly went ahead and asked my question.

But I thought the question was dumb.

I was about to ask “How to find God?”

But I couldn’t ask that question.

Because I thought it was not my duty to find God.

I have more important duties like taking care of my parents and getting higher education.

So I asked the question, “Sir, when I read the book I felt unconditional love. Is the book about unconditional love?”

Now this was an even more stupid question.

But Sri M said,”Maybe you feel that way because you yourself have unconditional love in you.”(there may be a slight difference from the actual words but it doesn’t change the meaning)

Now this is something.

Then we took Sir M’s signature on our copies of “Shunya” and Sri M blessed my mother and me. And he, we and everyone else left the auditorium.

This was something unreal of an experience.

I still can’t believe that all this happened that day.

Well it’s something to meet realized beings.

When I met Sri M, I had met a lady in a train who claimed to have seen God.

And she has helped me and advised me since on life’s problems and spiritual realizations and we’re still connected.

She asked me what I felt when I met Sri M.

I said that I didn’t know because I think I am not so spiritually advanced.

As I write this, I realize that I need to be more mindful during my spiritual meetings.

And it is one of my dreams to visit Sri M’s ashram at least some time in the future.

I’m happy that you’re reading this line. Thanks a lot!

I’m so proud of you

Daily writing prompt

What was the best compliment you’ve received?

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The best compliment I’ve ever received is from my elder sister who says,”I’m so proud of you. You are working so hard to fight your bipolar disorder.”

I think she is the one who understands me.

Well the quoted sentence is similar but not exactly like how she says in Bengali.

I’m happy that you read this line. Thanks a lot!

So, in 2015, therapy felt pointless for this person until they met Dr. Prasanta Kumar Roy in 2017, who really understood them and helped them heal from BPAD. They emphasize faith and patience in overcoming suffering, suggesting that finding hope and keeping busy is key to coping with tough times.

When I was going to therapy in 2015, I was just told to do Cognitive Behavioral Therapy(CBT) homework.

The problem wasn’t that I won’t do it. The problem was I didn’t feel like doing it.

I didn’t have a problem with CBT but I had a problem with them not fixing my emotional states.

My Favorite Psychologist

It’s only in 2017 when I found a great psychologist who doesn’t even charge any fees if one goes through the public healthcare system of standing in the queue for 2 hours.

It was then that I truly got healed from my BPAD.

He is Dr. Prasanta Kumar Roy and he sits in Kolkata’s SSKM hospital.

He made me feel for the first time that a psychologist understood me.

But that was before 4-5 years of changing many psychologists. And years of suffering inflicted by my own mind.

Questions & Answers

Why do we suffer so much? How to be patient so that the suffering ends one day? How to wait till that day?

I think we suffer because we don’t have faith.

Plain and simple. We need to have faith in something bigger than us.

And without God’s blessings you can’t have so much patience and humility.

I’m not asking you to become a believer from an atheist. You could believe in a role model/good person also. But you must feel hope.

How to be patient?

I guess I started healing the day I started chanting the Hare Krishna mantra internally in my mind in 2017.

That gave me mental strength to hold on and keep doing what I have to do.

So you do need faith and belief and need to bow down to the divine to have so much patience.

How to wait till that day?

So basically I don’t feel like I’m waiting because I just do what I have with me.

“If I can’t walk, I’ll crawl.”

If I can’t go to classes, I’ll take online classes.

If I can’t go to grocery shopping, I’ll at least learn to cook.

If I can’t do anything, paralyzed by fear. Then I will speak to my mom, and she tells me to have faith.

Conclusion

I know I’m not a psychologist but I hope this blog post added value to your life.

Thanks for reading!

Disclaimer: I(Anirban Saren) am not a licensed medical professional, psychiatrist or a psychologist and I’m not providing any medical advice. I’m writing my own opinions. Please consult a professional psychiatrist, psychologist before following this advice.

“You were finding CA Foundation difficult?” A mental health perspective

The author recounts a challenging experience with a coaching center regarding the CA Foundation exam, highlighting their struggles with bipolar disorder and social anxiety. They emphasize the importance of gratitude for personal strengths and mental health, recognizing that everyone’s journey is different and that worth isn’t solely defined by academic success.

A few months ago I got a phone call from a popular coaching center in India.

The person on the other side asked if I had taken the CA Foundation exam. She also asked other questions that were somehow rude.

So she asked-

“Have you taken the CA Foundation exam?” I had taken admission in their CA Foundation batch for a few months despite finding it difficult to cope with the demands of its preparation. And yes I find it demanding because I had BPAD and Social Anxiety and I am not special. I answered her with a “No.”
“Why not?” was her next question. I answered “I have dropped out of it.”
“Why?” was her yet another question. I answered “I was finding it difficult.”
“You were finding CA Foundation difficult??” I could hear her disgust and confusion through the phone call. I kindly hung up.

The above is what happened a few months ago.

For those who don’t know,CA exams or the Chartered Accountancy exams, being one of the most difficult exams in India and the world, are divided into 3 exams, foundation, intermediate and finals. After qualifying in all of them, you become a Chartered Accountant which is one of the highest and most powerful positions in accounting and finance. And most commerce students in India aim for being a CA. It takes on average about 5-7 years to become a CA(might be less due to recent changes).

So I wanted to give this a shot. But my bipolar affective disorder and anxiety shot through the roof and stress came. I was weak in academics and I found CA studies difficult. But mostly because of my inability to study for more than a few hours daily.

Well after writing this what I want to tell you is-

Be grateful for what you have.

Maybe you are struggling with mental health issues. Maybe you can’t do some things because your mind causes problems. Maybe you have Obsessive Compulsive Disorder or Depression or Anxiety or you struggle with severely negative thoughts.

You are not alone.

Some people are lucky to have everything and be normal.

Some people are lucky to have a healthy mind, a healthy body, a great family, and a great partner.

And then in my case, some people are lucky to be able to focus, study long hours, go to coaching classes, attend classes online, ask doubts without feeling sick in the stomach, etc.

Some people forget to be grateful about these things.

Even I take my family, my life, my friends, my intellect, my writing skills, my creativity, my technical savviness,etc. for granted sometimes.

So be grateful for what you have even if it looks less in quantity than other peoples’ shares.

Trust me when I say, “God has better plans for you than you can even imagine, plans that you don’t yet see.”

So when the person on the call asked me “You were finding CA Foundation difficult?”, I didn’t want to say anything because she won’t understand.

Unless one goes through the same painful circumstances, one won’t understand you.

I don’t blame anyone. I am a good and worthwhile person and I know my worth.

Maybe I am not the best at something. Maybe I am not super hardworking.

Maybe I can’t study for 7 hours daily for CA Foundation. Maybe I can’t deal with the stress that others find quite manageable. Maybe I can’t score 90% marks in most exams.

But I have a good heart. I am scoring 70-75%. I am studying for 2 hours daily.

And personally I am fighting every day. I am fighting nature, I am fighting my BPAD and social anxiety. I am slowly moving forward.

I am not answerable to anyone about why I am not scoring 90%. Or why I am not a “successful” person.

Thank you for reading!

My Journey from Entitlement to Realization

When I was in class 11, I was suffering. Whether it was due to some mental illness, I don’t know.

I remember I hated school. I couldn’t force myself to get dressed and go to school.

So I thought something was wrong with me.

I would play video games all day from 6 am to 2am at night.

And then I would read self-help and spirituality books to find what was wrong with me.

I went to psychologists, and they told me “You don’t have social anxiety”.

Then in class 12, I experienced psychosis. As bizarre as it may be to experience psychosis, it humbled me after spending time in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences).

I saw people my age, with more severe mental illnesses. As compared to them, I was much better off.

I was in class 12 and about to complete high school. Many of my roommates at NIMHANS hadn’t completed 7th grade.

After I was diagnosed with BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder), the opposite of thinking “I was not normal” happened. I realized slowly that my situation was very normal.

Most people have similar problems.

I was not special. And I am not entitled to special treatment.

Yes I had BPAD and a little social anxiety. But so do other people.

Yes I was entitled. And unrealistic.

Now I am more realistic and humble.

The point of all the above words is to admit to and show you- There are two arrows that we are hit by in life. One arrow is from the external world. This arrow is out of our control.

But there’s a second arrow, our reactions to the first arrow.

For example, I was not able to go to school. My mind stopped me. This is the first arrow.

But to think that something is wrong with me and to read self-help books and playing video games out of frustration is the second arrow. These were reactions to not being able to go to school.

We can’t control the world’s events but we can decide how we are going to react to them.

Thank you for reading this blog post.

Music Could be Good For Your Mental Health

In this post, I will write about how music has helped me in my mental health journey.

So I was diagnosed in 2015 and I have been going through treatment for depression, bipolar disorder and social anxiety.

Music has helped me immensely.

Apart from listening to music, I found huge benefits from practising music. I got admitted to a singing class and I love it. I love the practice, the sound, the Sargam, etc.

Although it’s not my main career, I love it as a hobby.

So I have always loved music but the problem was with the consistency of practice. I was not practising regularly.

3 years ago I started harmonium classes and continued them for a few months. Then I joined singing classes online earlier this year and continued for 2 weeks.

I was not prioritizing it and not practising daily. But with that fixed, I feel much more confident.

I feel more peaceful and in a flow state when practising music.

So basically I am practising with vocals and keyboard and I am trying to learn the fundamentals first.

I can’t sing well though and I am trying to improve. It will take time and though I am impatient, I will learn patience along with the mastery of music.

The main things that I want to highlight are “flow” and “peace”.

Flow is when we become so focused and feel bliss in a task that we forget the passage of time. And peace is when we feel peaceful.

Everybody’s mental health can improve with bliss and peace in my opinion.

It’s a different matter that learning music may not be everybody’s preference. But it’s a good path to choose if that’s one’s priority.

For me practising music has helped me feel more peaceful and in the flow and is good for my mental health.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment on which song makes you feel peaceful?

A New Perspective On Social Anxiety

I would like to write about my privilege.

Before that, I would like to tell you a story.

Once there was a boy with a mental illness. But people didn’t know that his condition was due to mental illness. The boy acted normally except he wouldn’t socialize much. Most times he wouldn’t socialize with people and would avoid people. He would also do rude facial expressions and sweat a lot. He would sometimes passively say rude things to avoid people.

So people thought he was too arrogant and self-centered.

But the boy asked for forgiveness from God in his heart every time he did something rude. He would say to himself in his mind,” I don’t want to be rude. But I can’t help it. I have social anxiety. Hope you understand.”

Only time will tell but I hope the boy finds peace and happiness in life and so do the people in his life.

Now let’s talk about my privilege.

I have been on both the receiving and the giving end of the spectrum of the above story.

I have been through social anxiety and I have seen people go through social anxiety. I have misjudged many people and I deeply regret it. And I have been through enough situations to understand people’s pain.

My privilege is that I have been through mental illness to be able to relate to the pain of others who are going through mental illness.

The reason I wanted to bring this perspective to your attention is that I think people suffer in silence even though other people see them as inflicting the suffering.

I think we need to have more empathy and actively seek to include people.

This verse from The Bible says it best-

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.” – Luke 6:37

Also, I think we need to take it one step further by trying to forgive them even before they ask for forgiveness, and by thinking good thoughts for them.

This applies to both perspectives of the story.

Thank you for reading this blog post. If you liked this then like it and share it.

3 Things I Am Grateful For

Here are 3 things I am grateful for and why I am grateful for them is given below. No big deal, just 3 things:

The first thing is miracles.

I am grateful for miracles. Miracles that give us hope, a sense of wonder, and a sense of gratitude itself.

A story I would share with you about miracles is finding amazing friends.

I had the opportunity to make friends who are like me.

When I was in the mental health hospital for my psychosis treatment, when I was in high school when I was in my happiest and unhappy moments.

I think friends are miracles. What a concept the thing is- FRIENDS! Some person whom you can be yourself with, outside your family!

So when I was in the mental health hospital, I met a person M, who helped me get through all those days. I was playing badminton one evening, and she asked if she could play too. I said “Ok”.

The next day we chatted and became friends very quickly.

But I was having problems with my mental health. She was there to talk. I was also there to support her.

I mean to say that before this I used to believe that I couldn’t make friends because I was an introvert. But I realized that friends exist like a handful of people made in heaven for us.

I used to think that I was forever doomed to be depressed and that I was indeed in deep depression. But friends made me realize that miracles exist.

The second thing is my privilege.

I am very privileged. My parents have money, and I am loved and I am intelligent enough to read dense philosophical books, I also have ambitious genes, I can introspect, I am a sensitive person, I am a Libra, and my parents own their flat, etc. I am born in India where great leaders like B. R. Ambedkar, Sidhu and Kanu, Birsa Munda, Gandhi, Netaji Subhas Chandra Bose, Rabindranath Tagore, etc were born.

I am very privileged.

The story I want to share for the privilege is of my sister. She always put the right thoughts in my head. I am a naive person. And she always inspired me. She is a true leader and she taught me to be grateful for my privileged.

One day when I was young about 15 years old many years ago(I’m 22 now), I didn’t know much about the #metoo movement. I made a very rash statement to her about #metoo. And she scolded me and told me the facts.

I learnt to respect women and have a realistic perspective from my sister. I told you I was privileged. I am truly lucky!

The third thing is God.

I am listening to a song called “I Bet You Don’t Curse God” by Christina Grimmie right now. It’s a beautiful song!

Through thick and thin, through my psychosis, depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder, etc. God is the reminder and fact that kept me going.

This story is about my philosophy tuition teacher madam R.

On the first day of my philosophy tuition year when I was in a Philosophy course in college, she asked me if I believed in God? I at first said a diplomatic answer, neither yes nor no.

Then she asked me this. “What is God to you?”

I still remember what I answered.

I said,” I think God is what remains when everything is stripped from existence and nothing remains. Then what remains is God.“

What I meant when saying this, I don’t know to date. Because it’s a feeling to me.

Madam R said,” You alone deserve to study Philosophy.”

What I meant to tell you through this story is not to brag about me. But to tell you that God is the reminder and the fact.

It doesn’t matter what religion you belong to. What matters is faith.

I am naturally more of a doubt guy than a faith guy. But life has reminded me to have faith over and over again.

I still get frustrated when something bad happens to me. But I also always look for the feeling when I say “I think God is what remains when everything is stripped from existence and nothing remains. Then what remains is God.”

By the way, I stole the idea from a song from the music “Kun Faya” from the Bollywood movie “Rockstar”. I don’t want to take credit. But I say it only because I strongly believe and feel its truth and that’s what happened when I said it to madam R.

Conclusion

So to summarize, the 3 things I am grateful to God for are:

1. Miracles

2. My privilege

3. God

So thank you for reading this blog post. A question for you: What are you grateful for today? You don’t have to tell me why. Just mention three points.