Today the psychiatrists at the National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences(NIMHANS, Bangalore) asked my history again after 8 years to understand my real problems.
For the past few days I was feeling scared of not being understood and being judged by them.
But I felt heard today.
I felt like the psychiatrists understood me.
And I got more insights into my problems.
I’m glad you read this. Thanks a lot!
I hadn’t posted yesterday because I was feeling a bit low. Thanks for understanding!
When you meet a stranger and based on their first impressions you judge them and think maybe they are rude and you are innocent, remember that they also might think the same about you.
You judgement that they are rude and judgemental is your judgement. And they aren’t necessarily true.
So stop judging and be happy.
We all are equal. And we must respect ourselves and each other.
When I was going through the worst phase of my life during my psychosis in 2017, my parents told me that that a neighbour’s family in our building prayed for my well being.
When I heard that it gave me hope.
Why would strangers pray for me?
I didn’t help them in any way in life. Nor do I have anything to give them.
But still they prayed for me.
Maybe it’s just that they closed their eyes and asked God,”Please help that boy God!”
It still brings tears of gratitude in me.
I’m grateful that you read this line. Thanks a lot!
I would like to write about my privilege. Before that, I would like to tell you a story. Once there was a boy with a mental illness. But people didn’t know that his condition was due to mental illness. The boy acted normally except he wouldn’t socialize much. Most times he wouldn’t socialize with people […]
I study and work on projects sometimes related to my MBA Data Science degree.
But I get tired and get mood swings.
I bet everyone gets these mood swings when sitting down to study.
But they study regardless of their mood.
I need to work on my “study regardless of their mood” aspect.
Relation to mental health
My bipolar disorder is also responsible for my difficulties in studying long hours.
It’s not like I don’t want to study and work. It’s just that I can’t.
Writing helps me tremendously to cope with the frustration of being unable to study.
But I guess I need to draw a line between what I can do and what I expect myself to achieve.
Satisfaction
What I can do is – study for 2 hours. What I expect myself to achieve is – study 4-5 hours.
What I can do is – go out with family, friends, relatives, etc. and sometimes alone to the barber’s saloon. What I expect myself to achieve is –
to travel from my town to the city by bus, or
take a public transportation facility,
to talk to strangers,
to make friends,
to go to regular/offline university, etc.
What I can do is – be satisfied and work hard for uplifting genuine values like honesty, integrity, generosity, etc. What I expect myself to achieve is – to achieve external success that has no meaning expect earning more money.
What I can do and what I expect myself to do are two different things. They are not the same things.
Conclusion
Sure I can aim to study more but I need to be satisfied with what I have.
I can try to study and work for 3 hours next time. Or may 2.5 hours.
Because my circumstances are different.
Wanting more isn’t always necessary because we don’t need to compare ourselves with others.
I’ve always misunderstood my psychologists. I’ve thought that they don’t understand me and that they are just using bookish rules to treat me.
Today I’m grateful to them.
I’ve always mocked CBT(Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) exercises and put it off. I’ve always taken my psychologists’ time for granted. I’ve always undervalued them.
Today I’m grateful to them.
I’ve always undermined psychology, psychiatry, medicine, science,etc. I’ve always thought that “spirituality”,”soul”,”heaven”,”self-help books”, etc. are superior to psychologists.
Today I’m grateful to them.
I’m grateful because they understood me beyond my imagination. They listened to what I couldn’t hear in myself. They use the most advanced science on a common person like to heal me.
And I’m healed because of them.
Thank you to all the psychologists and psychiatrists of the world if you are reading this.
