social anxiety Archives - Page 2 of 3

Believe in yourself

The author reflects on personal experiences highlighting the significance of self-belief. They recount two pivotal moments: evading parental authority at 14 and facing academic failure at 15. Through therapy and self-reflection, they learned that negative self-talk undermined their confidence. Ultimately, the message emphasizes the vital role of believing in oneself for happiness and personal growth.

Why should you believe in yourself?

To answer this questions let me tell you two stories.

First Story

When I was 14 years old(class 10), one evening I took a bus from my town to Dharmatala(Kolkata, India) to eat a certain food dish. I did this without my parent’s permission and also I skipped my private tutor’s class.

I returned home late at night without being able to find that food dish.

But my parents were very worried.

They called up my private tutor and the tutor told my parents that I hadn’t come to attend the class.

When I came home, I told my parents the truth and nothing happened. They said nothing.

Second Story

Fast forward to when I was 15 years old(class 11) next year, I failed in my final term exams. And got detained in class 11.

The reason I failed was because I couldn’t make myself study science. I hated those subjects.

And also I couldn’t overcome my mood swings.

But I didn’t have these insights at that time. I thought I wasn’t able to study because something was wrong with me.

Plus I was playing video games all day.

As a result to find what was wrong with me, I started watching self-help videos on YouTube and reading self-help books like “Psycho-Cybernetics” by Maxwell Maltz, “Mastery” by George Leonard,etc.

They were good books but they didn’t work for me. I applied their techniques for a few days but then gave up.

What fixed my problems was being treated by a psychiatrist and a psychologist.

But there’s also another perspective to this.

And that is…

I didn’t believe in myself.

Another Perspective

Maybe in class 10, I was better off because I had the confidence in myself, but I somehow lost that confidence in myself in class 11. And I became dependent on self-help techniques.

Maybe all my life I believed in something other than myself.

It is only recently at the age of 25 I realised that my self-talk is so negative. I am so harsh on myself all the time.

I need to believe in myself.

Why should you believe in yourself?

Because you will feel better about yourself.
Because you will be happier.
Because you will have a healthy mind.
Because you will be able to take better decisions.
Because you will be able to take better responsibility for your circumstances and mistakes.
Because you will be in control of your negative and positive self-talk.
Be less manipulated by others.
Be more authentic.

And so much more.

Conclusion

Believe in yourself.

In my short life I have realised the importance of believing in myself at the age of 25.

Life’s not easy. And maybe your life hasn’t been easy as well. We need to believe. Even if you don’t believe in God, believe in yourself.

Believe in yourself!

This is the core of what hope is.

Believe in yourself.

Thank you for reading this blog post.

Guide to an online degree for mental health fighters (India)

Anirban, despite battling bipolar affective disorder and social anxiety, has achieved a Bachelor of Business Administration from Amity University Online. He overcame immense self-doubt and setbacks in his academic journey. Anirban advocates for the value of online degrees, emphasizing their legitimacy and the opportunities they provide for stable employment.

Hi I’m Anirban, a person who struggles with bipolar affective disorder(BPAD) and social anxiety. And I have graduated with a bachelors in business administration in spite of my mental health struggles.

Before Online Degree/ Mental Health Struggles

For giving you some context, I was diagnosed with BPAD when I was 17 years old. And I take medication and am a lot better because of my medication and psychotherapy.

At 17, I was in class 12, and I had no confidence in myself, I couldn’t get out of bed and even take a bath or eat alone. I was depressed, manic, and had no self-confidence.

But with God’s blessings I somehow appeared for class 12 board exams and I passed. This was after I was diagnosed.

Then I got into an engineering college where I found it too difficult to understand the subjects. So I quit engineering college.

Then I started pursuing a Bachelor of Arts with Philosophy honors from a local college because I love philosophy.

But due to some technical problems, I was denied Philosophy and had to get into English honors in the same college.

But I couldn’t cope with the new environment and due to my social anxiety, I quit Bachelor of Arts with English honors.

Then I started my own business which was an ecommerce t-shirt print-on-demand business. That’s a story for another day. But I failed in that too.

Online College

But that’s not the end of my career.

I decided to study in an online college (Amity University Online). And I took admission in Bachelor of Business Administration because I had to get a degree. The job market is so competitive in India that you must have a degree to get a decent job.

And I studied, and I passed with 7.0 CGPA after 3 years in 2023.

Hurray!!!

I faced a lot of self-doubt, but I overcame them with the help of my parents and siblings.

Why an Online Degree?

So you may wonder,” Why get an online degree? Maybe it’s not as valuable as a regular degree.” or “How can I get an online degree? I haven’t finished high school.” or “I don’t need a degree because I will start a business.”

Well the last reason is a little naive because a business can fail but once you have a degree you can at least get a standard job anytime you want. And you can’t get a degree anytime you want. But you can start a business anytime you want.

And as for the first doubt,” Why get an online degree? Maybe it’s not as valuable as a regular degree.”, according to the University Grants Commission(UGC) in India, an online degree is equivalent with a regular degree.

Here’s the official notification from UGC’s website.

And as for the second doubt “How can I get an online degree? I haven’t finished high school.”, you can pass school through the National Institute of Open Schools(NIOS).

I have no experience with NIOS. But you can check out other people’s YouTube videos to research the information.

How to get a degree from an online college?

I will only speak about a private online college because I have graduated with a Bachelor of Business Administration(BBA) degree from Amity University Online where I have first-hand experience.

First speak to the admission counselor.
Fill the online admission form.
Then pay the first semester fees. Or you can avail an EMI plan.
Then wait for the login credentials for the university online portal which you will receive in your email inbox in a few days.
(optional) Attend the orientation program occurring for online students of that university.
Study and take the exams at semester end.(The exams are online proctored, meaning you will need a webcam on your laptop or PC and there will be a professor or admission invigilator who will watch you while you write the exam by typing.
(Optional)Attendance in online classes is not mandatory.
(Optional) Attend the convocation program and get your degree. Or you can get it via courier.
The medium of education is mostly English. And you need to be comfortable typing your answers on a computer.
Physical books are sent to your address every semester.
You can send them any query you have via email or the portal or even talk to them through phone call.
There may be a research project in your degree’s last semester depending on which degree you choose. You need to manage it somehow.

Conclusion

If you have any doubts, you can contact me via the contact form or send me a DM on Instagram(@anirbansaren657) or LinkedIn(https://www.linkedin.com/in/anirbansaren/).

I hope you found something useful from this blog post. I hope you get your future college degree and get a good job in spite of having mental health issues.

My Journey from Entitlement to Realization

When I was in class 11, I was suffering. Whether it was due to some mental illness, I don’t know.

I remember I hated school. I couldn’t force myself to get dressed and go to school.

So I thought something was wrong with me.

I would play video games all day from 6 am to 2am at night.

And then I would read self-help and spirituality books to find what was wrong with me.

I went to psychologists, and they told me “You don’t have social anxiety”.

Then in class 12, I experienced psychosis. As bizarre as it may be to experience psychosis, it humbled me after spending time in NIMHANS (National Institute of Mental Health and Neurosciences).

I saw people my age, with more severe mental illnesses. As compared to them, I was much better off.

I was in class 12 and about to complete high school. Many of my roommates at NIMHANS hadn’t completed 7th grade.

After I was diagnosed with BPAD (Bipolar Affective Disorder), the opposite of thinking “I was not normal” happened. I realized slowly that my situation was very normal.

Most people have similar problems.

I was not special. And I am not entitled to special treatment.

Yes I had BPAD and a little social anxiety. But so do other people.

Yes I was entitled. And unrealistic.

Now I am more realistic and humble.

The point of all the above words is to admit to and show you- There are two arrows that we are hit by in life. One arrow is from the external world. This arrow is out of our control.

But there’s a second arrow, our reactions to the first arrow.

For example, I was not able to go to school. My mind stopped me. This is the first arrow.

But to think that something is wrong with me and to read self-help books and playing video games out of frustration is the second arrow. These were reactions to not being able to go to school.

We can’t control the world’s events but we can decide how we are going to react to them.

Thank you for reading this blog post.

Why Is Education Important For Mental Health Fighters?

We all know the importance of education in life. But today I want to share with you my mental health perspective on education.

When I was in class 12, I had severe social anxiety going to school and private tutors’ classes. I couldn’t get out of my house to get in the car to go to school. I felt helpless.

I wanted to study and score good marks in Maths, Physics, Chemistry, Computer Science, Multimedia & Web Technology and English. But I couldn’t go to any of my private tutors’ classes.

Also I had many doubts which I couldn’t solve online. I needed a tutor. But I had social anxiety.

When the board exams arrived, I was unprepared but I somehow passed.

Post-high school I wanted to study science as a subject. I got into a private engineering college where social anxiety crippled me.

I didn’t appear for the exams and I failed. I lost one year.

One year later, I took admission in an arts college with Philosophy. But mid-year they didn’t let me pursue Philosophy because of my low Math marks.

I loved Philosophy and I was slowly overcoming my social anxiety. But life happened and I had to leave that college.

Then I took admission in an online college to pursue a Bachelor of Business Administration degree.

Throughout this journey, I lost my self-esteem. And some friends.

I also have bipolar disorder and social anxiety which made things more difficult.

But my point is education is important. Even in this mental health journey, you need to pursue and complete your education.

Most of the time people are forced to discontinue their education due to mental health issues.

Please complete your education, get a good job, start a business, and have a vision for yourself.

There a saying my sister told me about-

“What the mind doesn’t know, the eyes cannot see.”

I don’t know who said the above quote but I agree with them.

Study what you love but also keep in mind the job opportunities that could be available to you if you pursue a subject.

I don’t know how much sense this blog post makes to you. But please complete your education even if you have mental health issues.

There are online degrees, distance degrees, certifications, etc. And don’t give up.

Lastly I would like to list a few reason why education is important for mental health fighters-

Secure future that will help you get a job anytime in the future
Safety net in case you lose a job you will be able to get hired easily
Career growth will help you grow your salary which will be increasing the more qualified you are
Knowledge which will help you in your job or to start a business
Skills which will help in your job and business, plus you will be more valuable in the job market in general
Respect for yourself and from others because no one will underestimate you in your career
For getting paid for what you know
To prove to yourself that you can do it

For me, I am in my last semester of Bachelor of Business Administration degree at Amity University Online. And I will pursue my Master of Business Administration(MBA) in the future.

Please comment on why you think education is important for you?

My Story of Fighting Suicidal Ideations

My goal in this blog post is to make you believe that there is hope out of suicidal ideations, depression or any other mental illnesses in your life.

I remember it started 2 years ago. Before that, I had been suffering from bipolar disorder since 2015 and I had serious social anxiety.

In 2018 I somehow passed class 12 with below-average marks and I dropped from 2 colleges in the span of 2 years. And in 2021 I was studying at an online college.

Between 2017 to 2018 I had 3 psychotic episodes and although I didn’t share this in my previous blog post, in 2017, I attempted suicide and I had to go to Bangalore for treatment. I also started taking prescription medication for bipolar disorder since then.

All this kind of made me doubt myself and I felt lost and confused. I remember I would say to my mom about my confusion and my suicidal ideations.

Although I didn’t take action on those thoughts, I remember days when I would play sad songs and stay up till 3 am.

I remember in those moments the only hope for me was my mom. She gave me strength and hope. She made me who I am.

I remember I started doing certain things-

I started believing in the existence of hope(goodness, truth, real beauty, God)
I took psychotherapy more seriously and took regular medications
I started with small habits
I started to read books on mental health

I also went to an astrologer, which I have faith that it helped. I also did reiki healing on myself earlier which also helped me.

What kept me going? What is hope to me?

Hope kept me going.

Hope is when I feel anxious to do something and I am unable to overcome the fear but something happens- a change of mind, a possibility in my mind opens because of someone or something inside or outside me and I am able to overcome the anxiety.

Hope is goodness, truth, real beauty, inspiration, a forgotten dream resurfacing, God, etc.

It isn’t something we can control, but we can surrender to it and let it wash over us.

And what I want to convey to you through this blog post is that hope exists.

Live life for yourself, your dreams, your ambitions, your future contributions to others, helping others etc.

I was listening to a podcast called “hope is real” by Jazz Thornton with Kevin Hines. Kevin Hines is someone who survived a suicide attempt by jumping from the Golden Gate Bridge. And he told his story of how a sea lion kept him floating on the water’s surface when he jumped.

What I learnt from the episode was “Asking for help makes you wise” not a failure. Maybe the words are slightly different but it’s what I remember is said by Jazz Thornton.

Ask for help, see a therapist, take medication, do what you are passionate about, etc. Don’t give up.

Every day I am fighting and I still get these ideations sometimes but I can handle them with the help of my therapist and doctors.

Believe that there’s hope for you. You matter. Your existence matters.

You can overcome suicidal ideations.

Thank you for reading this crucial blog post. If you liked it then please share it on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter and other social media platforms. Also, comment on what you think of this blog post.

Disclaimer- I am not a psychologist or a doctor. This blog post is purely from my personal experience. I don’t provide medical advice. If you have mental health issues then please seek the help of a medical professional.

How I Deal With My Negative Self-Talk

Do you feel frustrated with your negative self-talk? Then read this blog post to know how I deal with it.

I used to frequently demean myself for doing stupid things. And although it’s considered normal and almost everybody does it, I think it’s important to reduce these self-demeaning thoughts.

It’s OK to sometimes think that you are weird or stupid. But sometimes these thoughts feel overwhelming and too much to handle.

In those situations, we need to calm our minds and relax a bit. And seek to become more self-aware.

A few weeks ago, I was reading a book called “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety” by Ellen Hendriksen (Affiliate link: I get a commission if you purchase the book through this link) and I read a part where the author makes the readers ask three easy questions.

These three questions from the book helped me deal with negative self-talk and reduce my anxiety-

What’s the worst that can happen?
What are the odds of that happening?
How would you cope?

And I noticed that whenever I get anxious or do any negative self-talk, I ask myself these questions and I can become aware of why I felt negative or got a strong urge to call myself “stupid” or “loser”.

When I do this, I can reduce my negative feelings to something manageable.

For example, if I feel like a loser because I lied to someone about something unimportant because it would be very embarrassing to accept that I had lied. So I say to myself in negative self-talk,” You are just a loser”.

If I immediately counter that by saying,” No, I am not a loser, I am a winner.”, I continue feeling bad for some reason.

But if I ask myself the above three questions one by one, this is what happens-

Me – “What’s the worst that could happen in this situation?”

My answer- “Oh well, the person would call me a ‘liar’ out loudly and kick me out of the institute forever and people would know I am a ‘liar’.”

Me- “What are the odds of that happening?”

My answer- “Well, the person may ask why I lied. And I would say I was nervous. And he would probably trust me less.”

Me- “How would I cope?”

My answer- “I would probably listen to some sad songs and write a sad poem to myself and read spiritual stories and forgive myself through writing in my journal. It’s just one time I lied a silly lie, to one person. No big deal. I won’t repeat it and now past is past.”

This process makes me feel so much better. And I don’t feel like I am fighting an uphill battle against my mind.

This process also reduces my anxiety a lot and I feel like I can reduce these big and scary thoughts to something more manageable with just the second question,” What are the odds of that happening?”

And I also noticed that I can overcome more of my social anxiety with these questions in real life. I went to 3 big social events this month and I think those are big wins for me. I believe that’s because of the above book.

For all this, I want to thank Ellen Hendriksen, the author of the above-mentioned book “How to Be Yourself: Quiet Your Inner Critic and Rise Above Social Anxiety”.

I haven’t finished listening to the whole audiobook on audible.in but I will do it soon.

You can also use these questions to deal with your inner critic and negative self-talk and reduce your anxiety one question at a time.

Although I didn’t overcome my anxieties this month overnight. It took time.

Also, the book’s original questions are phrased like this-

How bad would that really be?
What are the odds?
How could I cope?

Also in the book originally the questions are only one part of the whole process. So don’t completely depend on me or think that this is the complete process. Please get the book and read it.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Do read the book and please comment on what you think about this blog post.

Disclaimer- I am not a psychologist or a doctor. If you have a mental illness, please seek the help of a professional. The advice in this blog post is just from my personal experience. For the full scientific process, read the mentioned book.

How to deal with anxiety?

In this blog post, I will share some 8 tips on how to deal with anxiety.

As you might be knowing, I have anxiety and I have learnt to reduce it and live my life with it.

I had social anxiety since I was a teenager and it was both a boon and a bane. I learnt a lot from facing my anxiety.

Other than the advice that my psychiatrist and psychologist gave me, there are my own insights.

I will write a blog post on my psychogists’ advice another day but today I want to share how to deal with anxiety.

Here they are-

Do what you are passionate about

When we do what we are passionate about we become more relaxed and happier. This leads to confidence and peace of mind and calm. It helps us deal with anxiety better.

Living with purpose helps us become more confident and gives us the motivation to overcome anxiety.

Take extra responsibility and initiative

This is what increases our mental strength and makes us more resilient. If we take more responsibility we will be more active and busy. We’ll also get the confidence to face our anxiety and fears.

Dance like nobody’s watching(live a moral life and not care what people think of us)

If we want to live a full life, we have to not care about what people think about us. We need to dance like nobody’s watching.

But in reality, people do watch when we dance in public. And so we need to become good human beings. We need to be selfless and caring, in a non-people-pleasing way.

Sitting down and calmly observing your feelings

I do this almost every time I get anxious. I don’t rush things. I take 5mins of silence and just observe my feelings. This gives me space and the clarity of mind to make a good decision.

Listen to inspiring songs

This is a surefire way to convert anxiety into inspiration. It almost always works. I like to listen to Shakira and Sia and some EDM songs.

Tell yourself “LIFE IS HARD”

You won’t believe me but it works like a charm. This is one of my truths and most people’s truths.

“Life is hard and not facing anxiety is not helping you. You will be stuck and fall behind and waste valuable time if you don’t face your anxiety. No one cares to expect your family whether you have anxiety or not. Other people only see that you are a success or a failure. So get up and fight.”

I say something similar to myself.

You don’t have to give a 100% effort

You just need to get up and fight. Winning or losing isn’t in your hands but trying is. So try. You just have to get started.

If you can’t overcome anxiety for some reason, then don’t blame yourself, accept yourself

Acceptance is powerful. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. Not everyone is built the same way. You feel anxious to do public speaking but maybe you can edit videos pretty well. Work on your strengths and deal with your weaknesses. And forgive yourself for not being perfect.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please comment-

Which tip will you use this week for dealing with anxiety?

Disclaimer: This is not medical advice. I am not a psychologist or a psychiatrist. If you want medical advice, please contact a psychologist or a psychiatrist.

Trying: The Secret Of The Universe

What is the secret of the universe that moves mountains, that accomplishes the impossible, that gives power to the good people, that makes truth win, that echoes through eternity the truth that cannot be denied?

I say it is in trying. Tenacity, trying, persistence, sticking with it.

This is the secret of the universe. It is in trying that we find success, even if we fail.

There are no shortcuts and even if there is, unless you try the eleventh time after failing 10 times, you will not succeed.

A few days ago I was very anxious of going outside my house. And I was laying in bed thinking why was I not able to study or do something consistently. And I laying in bed and saying to myself,”I am unable to go.”

But something happened. My mother asked me to get up and get ready to go. Even though I repeated my mantra “I am unable to go.” , my mother force me to get up by playing some music on the TV.

Now it is a smart TV and the controls are advanced. But my mother tried again and again to figure it out and what I saw in that moment was a mother’s unending love and tenacity for her child. She eventually figured it out and played some Santhali songs.

And I got up and we went outside as planned.

What I want to say through this anecdote is that love moves mountains. Tenacity, trying, persistence are the qualities in a person who can move mountains.

By moving mountains, I mean doing what seems impossible. It is truly inspiring.

This is why trying matters. Trying matters because it is an act of faith. You don’t know whether you will succeed or not. But you are giving your best to it despite all possibilities of failure.

Thank you for reading this blog post. I am grateful for you reading this post. Please answer this question in the comments section- On a scale of 1 to 10 how much do you agree that “trying” is the secret of the universe?

What Will Make You The Happiest?

Although this insight comes from my experience, I believe that what will make you the happiest is being yourself.

Be unique, quirky, different, find your own truth, be yourself, don’t live a common life, don’t do what is conventional, always seek your truth, etc.

Let me tell you a story. When I started writing I had no idea that I would fall in love with the process of writing and the benefits that come with writing. It led me to discover my truth instead of accepting some fixed doctrine.

Sometimes I fall into the trap of following religion or capitalism or materialism or some philosophy or some other ideology which is always a trap of finding your truth.

For example, one day some three years ago approximately, I reading Bhagavad Gita As It Is. And reading it felt good but then after a month I joined ISKCON’s Satsang and started absorbing the ideology in my mind.

I am not saying that there’s no truth in spiritual teachings. What I am saying is that your truth is not an ideology, it’s your inner wisdom.

No amount of ideology can replace your inner wisdom, your truth.

So as you might infer, I stopped going to ISKCON satsangs for various reasons but one of them was the heavy use of Hindu mythology.

I still read the Gita from time to time but I don’t subscribe to one ideology.

Now you may think what does being yourself look like?

Although I am far from perfect but for me, I journal every day and I write in my blog sometimes. This helps me observe what I am thinking daily and stay on track with living my truth.

I believe in hope and all things real like honesty, love, faith, generosity, etc. And I have social anxiety and so sometimes I am unable to be generous to all people, but I try my best to have hope most of the time.

Overcoming social anxiety is something I have to work on but that’s just what comes with the package that is called me.

Being yourself is also full of struggles. Choosing commerce or arts instead of science stream is hard when no one in your family is from commerce or arts. Choosing to work in a corporate job is hard when all your family members and relatives work in the government.

But it comes with the knowledge that you are being you. You are living life from your inner wisdom.

Have you ever travelled solo to some new place? I did. When I was in class 10, age 14, I went to the city to eat in a restaurant alone skipping tuition classes. My parents were worried thinking about where I had gone. But I returned home safely.

Also, I had done stupid things all my life with friends or alone.

Something inside me guided me. And I believe the more we allow this guidance to guide us in new situations, the wiser we become.

This is what fuelled pioneers- freedom, adventure, and self-expression.

But you may think that spiritual teachings ask us to find these values in ourselves- to find God in yourself, in man.

I guess you could say if finding God is what inspires you, then that is your truth. If someone is inspired by adventure, then that is their truth.

Conclusion

Swami Vivekananda taught humanity to believe in oneself.

And that’s why I say what will make you happiest is to be yourself, to live by your truth, to believe in yourself, and to be original and truly free.

Thank you for reading this blog post. Please share this blog post and answer this one question-

What is your truth that you believe in?